So, there's this girl...

On Sunday the 18th of September, the sun came out. I met an amazing girl - smart, funny, cute - the kind of girl you only meet a couple of times in your lifetime. And, even more amazingly, I was actually able to talk to her, and she seemed to like me.

We danced around each other for a couple of weeks, and I found myself falling for her, harder and faster than I've ever fallen for anyone in the past. I determined that I would have to find a way to ask her out. This is a cue for me to get all tongue-tied and awkward around girls I like (If I ever write my autobiography, I'll title each chapter with the name of the girl I couldn't find the courage to ask out).

But, she asked me out first!

I was stunned and amazed. There then followed three weeks of absolute bliss. I was so happy I walked around in a cloud. Things were (and are) tough at work, but I didn't care. Life was so good.

The date went amazingly well, that being part of the three weeks. The next few days were good...

and then I got the "it's not you, it's me" speech.

I didn't take it at all well. Firstly, I said we could be friends. That's what you're supposed to say, isn't it? Unfortunately, like a child picking at a scab, I then said something foolish and offensive to her. But that was just about survivable.

We're both involved quite heavily in role-playing games, and therefore I saw her on both Saturday and Sunday evenings. I found both occasions very difficult, almost intolerable. (In fact, on Sunday night I staggered home and literally threw up. Fortunately, it turns out I've caught a nasty chill, and am not at all well. So, I'm not a total obsessive loser :-))

There are a great many reasons why I find this situation so hard:

Firstly, in a situation like this, I would seek out one of a short list of people to commiserate with me. Sadly, Richard knows nothing of the situation, and anyway is in Scotland. Martin is on the other side of the world. The only person down here that I'm actually close enough to talk to about something like this is... her.

When past romances have gone bad, I've been able to point to a cause. Either we've just run our course, or one of us has made an irredeemable mistake (usually me). It hurts, but it's understandable. But here, there's no obvious reason I can see. I don't think I did anything drastically wrong. I really like her, and I know she likes me, and the chemistry was actually right for a change.

(Her LiveJournal was rather instructive on this point, although also very confusing. It seems she was concerned that she didn't want to be thought of as anyone's conquest. That's a fair concern, but not really applicable. Anyone who knows me would probably have a fairly good laugh about that. She also seems to have concluded that it was all too easy, and that that was a problem. I really don't understand that, but never mind.)

But the real bastard, the thing that kills me, is that I have to be right about every damn little thing. This is something that is true of all the males in my family, but with me it seems it's literally true. What am I talking about?

Many years ago, I concluded that I was going to end up alone. I resigned myself to this, and although I wasn't happy with it, I could deal. Stupidly, I allowed myself to hope that I might be wrong. I thought perhaps a decade of prayer was being answered. And now, in the back of my head there's a little voice reminding me that it told me so.

The smart thing to do at this stage would be for me to get over it, and go out with someone else. Personally, I think I'll just get over it. Really, who needs hope anyway?

Switching off comments...

For a while, the only comments I've been receiving have been spam advertising various other blogs and sites. I have therefore switched off comments on future posts. If you want to comment, feel free to email me.

The No-stress Christmas

Normally, I refuse to give Christmas any thought before the start of December, on principle. However, my pipe band are playing on both of the first two Saturdays in December this year, and I'm very sure I won't be able to get absolutely everything on-line, which will necessitate at least one trip to a bigger town than Yeovil to shop. All of which means I'm having to consider Christmas early this year.

As this is also my first Christmas away from the family home, I'm also having to consider just what sort of Christmas I'm going to have.

Bluntly, I think the madness that has afflicted society regarding Christmas in recent years is a terrible thing, and something I'm not going to indulge in. I refuse to spend hours decorating the flat, only to not have anyone around to see my efforts. I refuse to spend hours meticulously building a list of people to send cards to, to make sure I don't offend anyone. And I won't be spending thousands of pounds that I don't have buying presents that will be opened, and then forgotten. Oh, and I won't insist on getting really drunk at the office party, with a view to doing something that will embarrass me the next day.

In short, I'm doing a no-stress Christmas. I'll put up precisely two decorations: one in the flat and one at work. I'll buy a bunch of presents for a select few people. And then I'll not worry about another thing.

Note that this isn't a case of me saying "Humbug" to the notion of Christmas. As a Christian, I do consider the birth of Jesus as rather important (oh, and let's not have the "it's really a Pagan holiday" argument - it might have been once, but it's been Christian as long as you've been alive). However, I rather suspect that Jesus wouldn't recognise too many of the trappings that we've put around this festival.

The Festive Ninja

Right, we have a guy whom no-one ever sees, but who has supernatural powers of infiltration and travel. This can clearly lead to only one conclusion: Santa Claus is a Festive Ninja!

Reading Comprehension

I've learned a couple of grand secrets since Friday:

When the cooking instructions say "allow 100g per person", this generally indicates that you should put more spahgetti in the pot when there is more than one person present. This is especially important when you comment to the other person that you'll actually weigh out the spahgetti before cooking. (In a related note, it is considered preferable to have more chairs than people, rather than the other way around. *)

When the packaging on the mince says "Buy 2 for £3", this is generally a good indication to the nature of the special offer.

In the larger scheme of things, I have found that there are all manner of secret clues hidden around in places you wouldn't think to look. Like on the front of things. But they're written in some obscure and secret code, using strange symbols called letters. Bizarre.

* Who did I have round to eat, you might ask. I'm going to be frustratingly quaint by not answering. However, I will point out that in the course of the evening we proceeded to watch "The Gamers", "Team America: World Police", "The Spongebob Squarepants Movie" and "True Romance" ('cos it was on TV when the others finished). This should both give a very clear picture as to the nature of my companion, while at the same time leaving you mystified about my DVD collection. Which is nice.

Goodbye, Star Wars

The Revenge of the Sith DVD came out this week. This is the last of the Star Wars films, and completes that part of the saga. This year has also seen the end of the excellent Clone Wars cartoon, and the cancellation of the Star Wars RPG. Finally, last year saw the end of the New Jedi Order series.

It seems Star Wars is now over.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, Star Wars was so important to me for so long, that it is a shame to think of it as ended. On the other hand, maybe it's time for new legends to rise up to take it's place.

On the third hand, maybe I should just shut up and watch the DVDs. Yes, I think I'll do that.

Catching up on my correspondence

I think someone must be stalking me, and stealing all my time. 'Cos there never seems to be enough.

I've spent the evening catching up on all the nasty little tasks I've been putting off. I've done many of them, but not all. One of the more pleasant of those tasks was catching up with the emails that I've been telling myself for some time that I need to send. If you think you should have received an email from me recently, but haven't, please accept my apologies.

Why has life been so busy? Well, there are reasons, but the underlying cause is that everything has started to move forward all at once, and each thing is pushing all the others about. I should have it all sorted for some time next life.

On the plus side, my flu is now gone. I didn't die of it.