Tuesday, February 02, 2010

The Man Card at Risk

If you are of a newvous disposition look away now, for I have a tale to tell that will shrivel the soul of any Man who dares read it...

Dinner tonight was burgers. Specifically, home-made burgers. Yum yum. Of course, burgers, being decidely a Man Food, should always be accompanied with all the appropriate condiments. And so, there was the Red Sauce (none of this 'ketchup' nonsense), the Mustard, the Onion... and, critically, the gherkins. Now, I don't particularly care for gherkins. I can take them or leave them. But for the Man Food homemade burgers, they represent a crucial ingredient.

Plus, they come in a jar, which makes them inherently Manly.

I gathered the ingredients, I chopped the onion, made ready the red sauce and the mustard, and then I turned to the jar of gherkins...

And, to my horror I found that I could not open the jar! Twist, strain, press, and grimace as I might, that damn lid just would not shift. Even as my wrist started to ache with the strain, it didn't budge at all. Sheepishly, I put the jar back in the cupboard, unopened.

As can be imagined, this was a true horror come to life. After all, the key marker of a true Man is the ability to open jars. Where would we be without that crucial skill? If I were to be so bowed and beaten, would I have to start liking "Mamma Mia"? Would I have to start wearing matching socks? Where would the madness end?

No! This cannot be! There is a line that must be drawn, and that line must be drawn here. This far, no further!

Inspired by the words of Picard, I reached once more for the jar. This time, things would be different! And different they were, for just as I heard the sickening pop of my shoulder exploding, so too did the lid of the jar release! The Man Card was safe after all!


#8: "Northern Lights", by Philip Pullman (the first book from my List)

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