The 'H' Fell Off

A couple of weeks ago we spent some time away as a family to celebrate Dad's birthday. Huzzah! This event therefore saw us returning to the site of family holidays of old, and of course the place where the famous "Squirrel Ballet" joke saw its genesis. I was excited to return there to see the plaque they'd obviously mounted in honour of that monumental event.

Imagine my dismay, therefore, to discover that there was no such plaque! And, indeed, while there were some squirrels in attendance, none of them were willing to converse with me on the topic of ballet. How disappointing!

But, luckily, we did have some excitement with local fauna...

On our first night, after Funsize and Surprise! were abed, I found myself sitting downstairs in our cabin reading my book, when I became aware of a moth flying around. It was a very big moth. Indeed, it was a very, very big moth!

In fact, it turned out that it was no moth at all, but instead a bat! In the cabin! How very exciting!

Anyway, we proceeded to turn off the indoor lights, turn on the lights on the balcony, open the doors, and allowed it to fly away. And that was the end of our adventure with bats.

Or so I thought...

A few days later, I woke relatively early and went into our upstairs bathroom to wash my face. I did not have my glasses on at this point, thus rendering me nearly entirely blind. Indeed, blind as a bat, one might say.

Anyway, as I was washing my face I felt a strange fluttering around my leg. And, glancing down, I again saw a bat, gently flapping away!

At this point I uttered a deeply manly battle cry, opened the window, and beat an heroic retreat out of the bathroom. We never saw the bat again, so I'm presuming it flew away, though perhaps it is still there, biding its time...

But it was only as I left the bathroom that I noticed the key point that explained this odd encounter. It turned out that the 'H' had fallen down...

Congratulations - You're Now Old!

At some point I may post about the celebrations for my 50th birthday. They were good.

Less good is that since then I have found myself suddenly getting a lot of letters and other messages that were clearly triggered by my turning 50 - the NHS have sent me a stick for a poo test, while two of my three pension providers have sent me a "wake up" letter to suggest that I should start thinking about retirement.

Fun times.

At least, for now, Amazon haven't started to offer up walking sticks in their "For You" section of Today's Deals. Though I daresay that that's coming.

My Pettiest Annoyance with "Stranger Things"

We watched the first set of episodes of "Stranger Things 5" when they were released a few things ago. To be honest, I wasn't as keen as I previously would have been - the very long delays between seasons has largely blunted my enthusiasm for what had once been must-watch TV. (George RR. Martin may want to take note...) In the event, the episodes were mostly very good, and nicely set up a race to the finish. So I'm pretty happy with that.

But...

There is one thing that rather annoyed me. Though be warned, it's absurdly petty...

In one of the episodes, Mike gives Will a pep talk, likening Will to his D&D character, "Will the Wise". However, he later notes that Will isn't really a wizard like his character, but rather a sorcerer because his magic is innate rather than learned.

Which is a nice, clever D&D reference that will sail over the heads of those unfamiliar with the game, but serve as a nice little "Easter Egg" for those of us who are.

Here's the thing, though: "Stranger Things 5" is set in 1987, when the current edition of the game was 1st Edition. Indeed, the books for this edition have been showcased in "Stranger Things" over the years - it's very clearly the edition they have been playing.

The sorcerer class was introduced to the game in Third Edition, which was published in 2000. Until that point, the distinction between wizards and sorcerers was no different than in plain English - they're one and the same thing.

So that clever little reference is, I'm afraid, an anachronism.

As I said, it's a very petty annoyance!

#29: "Skyward Flight", by Brandon Sanderson and Janci Patterson

Counts as Fun

One of the consequences of getting everything locked down in spreadsheets is that I now have a monthly ritual: at the end of the month I cross-reference my bank balance against my spreadsheet of expenses and proceed to move some things around: the credit card gets paid, some money gets moved into a pot for the bigger expenses that come in the second half of the year, and then whatever is left goes into savings.

In theory, I then forget all about this until the same time next month; in practice, there's constant adjusting, tweaking, and general obsessing over the spreadsheet.

All of which pretty much counts as fun these days. Which is perhaps a measure of how everything else is going right now. Oh well.

The Tale of the Lost Book

Book #26 for the year was supposed to be "Warriors of God", by Andrzej Sapkowski. I had started it some weeks ago, and was making rapid progress, when disaster struck - there came the morning when I had it at home, then didn't have it when I reached the office, and yet it was neither at home, nor in the office, nor in the car. Somehow, it had disappeared.

I very rarely lose things - I do quite often misplace them, but they generally turn up (often where I left them last time I had them; sometimes where they have been hidden by the hiding-things fairies). And it drives me mental - it doesn't really matter what it is, but having something disappear like that creates a gap in the mental model of the universe, which is just endlessly frustrating.

In this instance, it also created a conundrum, because I've already picked out my remaining books for the year. As noted, book #26 was supposed to be "Warriors of God", which is part two of a trilogy, with the third part also on the list. I also had "Skyward Flight", but having just finished "Defiant" I had been hoping to delay that one a little. Book #27 will be the final Harry Potter, which I'm currently reading to Funsize.

But the final book that I had picked out was one that I at that time had on pre-order, as it had not yet been published at this time this all went down. So I couldn't really start that one. Suddenly, all my best laid plans had very much gone agley.

Anyway, the upshot of all of that is this: "Skyward Flight" is a collection of three novellas, so I ready the first while waiting for the new book to be published. Then I read that (see below). In the meantime, I ordered, and have now received, a replacement copy of "Warriors of God", which I will resume next. And that, more or less, puts the sequence back where it should be: book #26 is finished, #27 is the Harry Potter that will finish imminently, then #28 is "Warriors of God", #29 is "Skyward Flight", and then we finish with the third volume of that trilogy.

Unless things change again...

#26: "Firefly: Aim to Misbehave", by Rosiee Thor

Should Have Seen That Coming. I Didn't. But I Should Have.

Our microwave died on us last night - at first glance it seems to work, but it doesn't actually heat anything. And given that that is the main, nay the only, purpose of a microwave, it's somewhat less than ideal.

I think this is my fourth microwave - there was the initial one bought when I first moved out, a replacement purchased some time in 2011, a replacement product for when that one failed almost immediately, and now the current machine. I don't have a specific record of buying this one (because I don't track everything), but I'm reasonably sure we must have had a new one some time since 2011, and I'm equally sure that this is the one we brought with us from the old flat. So it was at least eight years old, which is decent service.

The upshot is that I should probably have expected it to be on its way out, but alas I did not - I was blissfully unaware that my trusty appliance was just about done for.

I'm now in the process of trying to find a new microwave, and am finding myself somewhat stymied. My assertion last night was that "microwaves are all pretty much of a muchness", which is pretty much accurate. The problem with that is that when you ask Google to recommend the best microwave, every site therefore gives a completely different set of results. Similarly, the reviews of every microwave seem to be the same - loads of people saying it's great, some giving a more nuanced view, and then one or two saying it's a load of rubbish.

All of which isn't terribly helpful. I guess the reality is that it doesn't matter much: just pick one and be happy with it.

How Annoying...

As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm waiting on a price drop on a key bit of kit for the Home Automation project. Annoyingly, though, it did drop in price, and indeed dropped below the price I'd been hoping to see, for Prime Day. But, alas, Prime Day happened to fall when I was out of the country, and although I could have purchased the item and had it delivered to the office, I forgot.

Compounding this, I received an email last week about a somewhat tempting offer that I'd decided to take the provider up on, only to promptly forget that as well until this morning... and, of course, it expired at midnight.

Still, it's not the worst thing in the world to not be spending money. It has been a hugely expensive couple of months...

Passing the Torch

One thing that struck me somewhat forcefully is that I can no longer in good conscience claim to be Knig of the Ceilidh. This was a shock, but there’s no hiding from the truth.

I must therefore, reluctantly, abdicate my position to a worthy successor. Henceforth, Funsize shall be known as the Qeeun of the Ceilidh.

Unless, of course, I feel compelled to stage a comeback and reclaim my crown...

Star Wars Day Party!

Due to a confluence of events I now find myself hosting a gathering on the 4th of May, better known as Star Wars Day. I have, of course, been waiting for this all my life!

Needless to say, I can't let this opportunity go without taking full advantage, and so there is now a need to make suitable arrangements. But what form will these arrangements take? And will the Jedi or the Sith come into the ascendance?

Time will tell, as it always does.

A Secret Reputation to Uphold

Last year I purchased someone an especially good present. Indeed, it was widely recognised as being a superlative present. Huzzah! Of course, that means that this year there's a need to maintain, or even raise the standard. After all, there's a reputation to uphold now.

Except...

The present in question was for a Secret Santa, and as a consequence nobody knows that I was the person responsible. Consequently, while there is obviously a reputation to uphold, it is in fact a secret reputation. Which isn't quite the same.

This year I'm involved in two Secret Santas. I'm very happy with the gift purchased in one, while the other is a solid, workmanlike gift that is perhaps not quite so inspired. Anyway, I've decided I'm happy with that.

#19 "Firefly: Coup de Grace", by Una McCormack
#20 "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone", by J.K. Rowling (a book for Funsize)

Please and Thank You

The story of how we came to have an Amazon Echo 5 in our living room is almost worthy of a saga itself - initially I bought it for the kitchen as a replacement for our CD-player/radio, only to discover I really didn't like it at which point I banished it to the garage, and then find that I really wanted to leave some ambient music on to keep the dog company during the day, leading to Alexa's triumphant restoration to the living room!

Anyway, this device is now the first part of the home automation setup I talked about some months ago, and plans are afoot to start expanding the ecosystem. Because while I initially resisted getting any of these voice-activated assistants, once we had one in place it gradually started to see more and more use. We've still barely scratched the surface, largely due to my lingering disdain, but it does seem to be a good place to start.

All of which is by the by. My main point for this blog post is that we now have an Alexa device in the living room, and of course there is therefore a need to address the device and ask it to do things.

I'm also in the process of raising two small children, and one of the important lessons to be taught is the importance of saying 'please' and 'thank you'. Always and every time, nay habitually.

The upshot of that combination is that I now make sure to say 'please' when asking Alexa to do things. Hopefully Skynet will take that into account when the time comes.

#2: "Promise of Blood", by Brian McClellan

The Dream

For the past few years we have had milk delivered to our door. Consequently, the dream has always been to get up before the milk is delivered. ("The dream" doesn't need to make sense; it just is.) I had actually assumed that this was impossible - when I returned home after Grandma's funeral I found the milk waiting for me at half past midnight that night, so getting up before that would be madness.

However, since we adopted Lion I have been responsible for the morning walk on weekdays, and that has seen me leaving the house at 6.15. And the last twice we have had a milk delivery, I've returned from that walk just as the milkman has gotten to our house.

So, huzzah, the dream has been fulfilled!

The downside now is that I need a new dream...

(Incidentally, prior to Covid we had milk deliveries at the office. And on exactly one occasion I made it to the office before the milk arrived. So the dream was fulfilled there, too. We don't have milk deliveries any longer, though that isn't really anything to do with me.)

For Our Fallen Gondorians

 Back in April, while doomscrolling on Twitter, I saw someone joking that they'd changed their band's signature tune to "For Our Fallen Gondorians". The bagpipe sheet music for this was included in the tweet.

Since then I've never been able to find this sheet music again, no matter how I searched.

Until today. It turns out that my phone quietly saved the file in a secret location, and when I found my phone once again slowing down due to a critical lack of storage, and thus began a purge of old data, I happened to find it.

Which is nice. Now I just need to learn it, remember it, and contrive a good time to sneak it past someone as a lament...

Progress on the To Do List

Before the Christmas holiday I made a To Do list with several items on it. I completed very few of these during the holiday, but did eventually complete all but one item.

Before the February break I made another To Do list with several items on it. This time I made a bit more progress, but did eventually complete all but one item - the same item as was outstanding after Christmas.

Before the Easter break I made yet another To Do list. As of this morning I have completed all but one item on it. And, you guessed it, that one outstanding item is the same one as from Christmas.

Still, that's some progress, I guess. I wonder how I'll get on over the Summer holiday?

(Though, funnily enough, that one might actually be completed - due to the nature of that break I won't be inserting that one item on that list. It will still exist on a more general list of things I want to do, but not the list of the holiday specifically. So we'll see...)

The Sharp Pencil Conundrum

I have a not-quite-serious theory: those in greatest need of a sharp pencil are those least likely to have one to hand.

Back when I was at high school and exam time came upon us, there were a number of my peers who would immediately spring into action: they'd develop a lovely and detailed study plan, giving adequate time to all the subjects, with all sorts of elaborate schemes and divisions, carefully coloured and decorated. It was a thing of beauty. And then they would organise all their materials, making sure everything was carefully to hand and well prepared.

And then they would carefully sharpen all their pencils to a needlelike point and all to the exact same length.

Meanwhile, a few of us would sketch out the briefest possible plan ("I'll study Chemistry this morning and Maths this afternoon...") and get on with it.

By the end of the day it was likely that the people in the first group had put in an awful lot more effort. But that's not the same thing as actually studying.

The sharpening of the pencils is an especially absurd step: although there is a large extent to which you should, of course, take good care of your tools, pencils naturally lose their sharpness over time if left unused. So the optimum approach with those is to pick a reasonably good one when needed and sharpen it then. Then use it, put it aside, and repeat when you next need a pencil.

Since school, I've seen that pattern repeat over and over again. Basically, in almost every organisation I've seen there are some people who can be relied upon to get things done and some people who can be relied upon to put in a lot of effort.

And those are not the same thing.

"Legend Tells Us..."

Funsize and I were playing a variant of Hide and Seek, where one of us hides a doll and then the other seeks. It's not really blog-worthy, which is why I haven't mentioned it until now.

Except that this time Funsize had a new wrinkle for the game - she had found a wicker mat that LC uses for crafts, and was using it as a map, to provide useful clues. But it was the nature of the clues that amused me, and which provided the title of this blog.

For Funsize unrolled the map, adopted her best Dungeon Master voice, and intoned... "Legend tells us..."

There then followed an entire story with multiple clues and steps, all leading to a villainous mermaid who had stolen the doll and hidden it in her tail.

I have never been more proud.

Endlessly Rowing the Boat

It is now taking an increasingly long time to put Funsize to bed. The issue is that, when it comes to the singing of the songs, I have been collecting/devising new verses for "Row Row Row Your Boat", and I'm now up to eleven. As you can imagine, that's a lot of rowing!

(That obviously doesn't include the version from "Blackadder Goes Forth". And it turns out that Wikipedia also has a few variants I haven't considered.)

My favourite so far is:

Row row row your boat, while the weather's fine,
If you see a dinosaur, you've gone back in time.

Though I do confess it's a bit silly. But I like it!

Nope, it's too weird

The adjustment to having a new king was going well, I thought - all the requisite chess-based jokes had been made, the republican sentiment had been viciously stamped out, and pen-related failures had been had in abundance. Huzzah!

But this morning I heard on the news that they're now ready to put Charles' effigy on new coins, and while that seems entirely sensible they're going to have him facing the wrong way!

Apparently this is old custom - with each change of monarch they change the direction they are facing on the coins. Which makes sense, I suppose. But ERII reigned for so long that there is now a very clear right way to be facing, and ironically, it isn't to the right. But that's how CRIII will be facing.

(Actually, it's something worth considering that decimalisation occurred during ERII's reign, which meant that all the coins had to be replaced, which means that at no time in my life were we using coins with GRIV's face on them. I might have seen a few very old sixpences that had it, but these weren't ever in actual use. So, yeah, it's pretty ingrained.)

The upshot is that we'll just have to call the whole thing off. Either that, or stop using coins as currency.

Uncanny Timing

LC returned to school last week after about 13 months of maternity leave and several months prior to that working from home. Naturally, Surprise! therefore took the opportunity to be sent home from nursery on Wednesday with chicken pox - a very mild attack that left him entirely healthy but unable to attend. (And, as with Funsize, it's extremely likely that Surprise! got chicken pox from the nursery he then couldn't attend. But not matter.)

So, this was a rather spectacular example of bad timing, especially as my own long-awaited return to the office was set to happen today.

But...

On Saturday there was a big family gathering for one of my neices' birthdays - a gathering attended by the entire family with the exception of LC and KS. Due to the chicken pox, LC elected to keep KS away, and so didn't attend.

On Sunday I went to church with Funsize. Once again, due to the chicken pox LC elected to keep KS at home, and as LC was struggling with a cold it made sense that I was the one to go.

On Sunday afternoon LC tested positive for Covid. Somehow, I tested negative. (Best guess is that she has received either a fairly weak strain or a very low viral load, and so it wasn't able to jump further. Or I've just been lucky. Or my turn is coming up.)

The upshot of that is that KS's chicken pox, which seemed be timed to be an absolute disaster, has turned out to have protected a whole lot of people from being classes as close contacts.

Well done, the wee guy - you timed that well!

My Mini-rebellion

I have a sandwich for lunch most days. Most days, I cut my sandwich along the diagonal. However, some days I crave variety, and so I cut my sandwich in half horizontally, this being the other accepted way to cut sandwiches. Frankly, that is controversial, as it means I refuse to take a side in the great sandwich wars. It seems I was just born with a heart full of neutrality.

But even I balked at the notion of cutting my sandwiches in half vertically. Some lines are just too serious to cross...

Until today. Feeling rebellious, I had vertically-cut sandwiches.

In my, admittedly limited, defence, the reason for this was that I had slices of two different cheeses in my sandwich, and the only way to get an even balance of both cheeses in each sandwich was a vertical cut. But even saying that leaves me acutely aware of how feeble a defence it truly is.

They tasted fine. But it really was my "running though fields of wheat" moment.

#29: "The Last Druid", by Terry Brooks