Transformers: the Movie (the apology tour)

On Saturday Surprise! and I went to see "Transformers: the Movie", returned to the cinemas for its 40th anniversary in a glorious new print. (Funsize declined the invitation to join us.)

Before I talk about the movie itself, a few things about the cinema experience this time:

• The Vue in Livingston is currently undergoing a long-overdue refurbishment. This is likely to improve the experience, but in the short term it very much did not.
• There are usually two concession stands in the Vue, the Quick one and the Slow one. Alas, during the course of the refurbishment only the Slow one is currently open. I'm not at all sure what it is about that stand that makes it the Slow one, but it most definitely is very slow indeed - we were close to the point of having to abandon our intended purchases when we were belatedly served.
• We paid a little extra for the comfy seats, this being a special occasion. I don't really think they were worth it, to be honest. The standard seats are absolutely fine.

Anyway, what about the film?

"Transformers: the Movie" is a slightly bizarre one, in that it's one of the big films of my childhood, but it's also one I'd never previously seen in the cinema: the release date didn't quite match up with a birthday, and back then that was a requirement for a cinema trip. And, indeed, because we only had a Betamax player back then, it was some time before I actually saw it, eventually, on VHS. For a good long time, I actually experienced it primarily in graphic novel form.

So finally seeing it up on the big screen was nice. And the new print is suitably impressive - for a very long time the film presentation has amounted to "this was the best that could be done with what they had", while this does seem to be a marked improvement.

Given that it's been a couple of years since I'd seen it, I had also forgotten at least somewhat just how fast the film moves - like a Dan Brown novel it runs at a really fast pace from one event to another, with almost no let up. In fairness, it does seem to slow down somewhat after the opening action set piece and the massacre of the characters, but I think that's actually relative - since you don't care so much about the new generation it just doesn't have the same immediacy.

Which, of course, brings me to that massacre of the characters, the Red Wedding of its day (seriously). This is a really odd one - commercially, it might have seemed sensible to replace one range of toys with another, and wiping out the older generation certainly does that. On the other hand, starting your children's film with the deaths of six beloved heroes and then the demise of the most beloved of them all is a really odd choice. And it really backfired - the release of the movie marks the point where Transformers really goes into decline, partly because there's an obvious drop off in the quality of the toys, partly because it just slipped out of the zeitgeist, but largely because every character that got killed off was somebody's favourite.

And yet... that bloodbath is perhaps the major reason that "Transformers: the Movie" is at all relevant now. There are basically no animated films from the 80's, other than those made by Disney, that are discussed nowadays.

Anyway, it was good to see it. Surprise! enjoyed it too, which is good. But I don't think I'd go again - home viewing is enough at this point.

One other thing that was really good, and which gained a surprising gravitas recently, was the short "Optimus Prime: Awakening" that came after the film, in which the newly-deceased Optimus Prime finds himself at a crossroads, deciding whether to go into the light or to try to go back. It's a curious rumination on mortality, saying goodbye, and indeed the costs that constant warfare inflicts on you, even when on the right side of things. It really surprised me - good stuff.

(Between that and the new print of the film, I suspect I may be purchasing yet another copy of the film on Blu-Ray. Oh well.)

So, that was the centerpiece of my weekend.

#27: "The Witchwood Crown", by Tad Williams

Roll The Credits

After 19 years, the web-comic Darths & Droids has come to its end.

For those who haven't had the pleasure, this was a comedic retelling of the Star Wars films as envisaged as an RPG campaign. It started back in Episode I, and then gradually expanded from there - indeed, I recall a certain frisson of interest as they came to the end of that movie, and then again at the end of Episode III: "will they carry on?"

Well, they did, and now they've come to the end of the series of films.

(Incidentally, it appears that one of the writers of "The Clone Wars" may have had some familiarity with the web-comic: one of the running gags in their version of TPM was a spell called summon bigger fish - something Jar Jar then proceeds to do in the episode "Bombad Jedi".)

Anyway, if you fancy wading through 19 years of Star Wars RPG nonsense, this one is highly recommended!

A Job Done

My big achievement over the weekend was the completion of my "Garden" goal - this weekend that involved fixing the garden stairs and one part of a wall. It wasn't a long, complex, or difficult job, but it was one that had been sitting undone for quite some time. But no more!

In truth, the garden isn't truly complete, and indeed I don't think it ever will be. However, the task that I set for myself at the start of the year is done, and I think from here it turns into just regular maintenance, of the sort that I don't count as a goal as such - it's just something that you have to do.

Anyway, nice to have that ticked off my list!

Masters of the Universe

There were three big box office bombs this summer: "Supergirl", "The Mandalorian and Grogu", and "Masters of the Universe". In all three cases, the reason for this was at least somewhat political, or at least connected with the Culture Wars - they were basically considered too woke, in one way or another, and therefore people stayed away. In two of the cases, I was of the opinion that they weren't the cinematic abomination that I had feared - neither "Supergirl" nor M&G was a masterpiece by any stretch, but both were fairly serviceable in their own rights.

I watched "Masters of the Universe" this weekend... and I'm afraid it's astonishingly awful.

Now, in fairness, there were some things I enjoyed: the music is actually really good (and, if the law that films with a soundtrack by Queen inevitably become cult hits is true, I'd expect this to happen here too: although the soundtrack is not by Queen, it heavily features Brian May's work). The cameo by Dolph Lundgren is likewise pretty cool - although it's a really bad sign when it reminds you of an older, better, film and that film is itself pretty terrible. And having Orko appear at the end to give the moral of the story is a really nice touch - very reminiscent of the source cartoon.

(Oh, and Surprise! has declared that this film is awesome, largely because at the end Adam rides away on his big green tiger. So that's at least one recommendation.)

I guess the other thing that works is that at least the various characters do actually look like they should - the film basically has all the action figures come to life.

Otherwise, though, no. I'm not even going to enumerate the failures - it's all within touching distance of mediocrity, but ultimately falls short, to the extent that despite investing only a couple of hours into it, and despite getting it effectively free as part of my Prime subscription, I still felt short-changed.

Avoid.

The End of Summer

Yesterday was our last BBQ of the year. I still have a task to give both our BBQs a good clean and then get them covered over for the winter, but otherwise the season is now done. (I similarly gave the BBQ at work a clean last week, for the same reason.) In theory there might yet be a day or two suitable for BBQ weather, but it's my policy to draw a line of my own volition, rather than let things drift to nothing. So we're done.

This morning when my alarm went off I staggered out of bed and opened the curtains, only to discover that, for the first time since around Easter, it was still dark outside. The nights are drawing in, and the dawn is getting ever later. Of course, there's an adjustment coming when we collectively decide not to have our clocks lie to us any more at the end of October, but by then it will be dark even at the new corrected 6am.

On Wednesday it will be the 16th of September, a day of little import except for one detail: that marks the point of the 100-day countdown to Christmas. Even that's not a huge milestone, as it's far too soon to be considering the matter in much detail, except for two things: I'll be sounding out the Christmas dinner plans (at least conceptually), and I also want to have a discussion about what our "one new thing" could be this year. I have an idea, but I'm not at all sure it's a good one.

All of which amounts to one big thing: sadly, the long, glorious Summer of 2026 has reached its end.

Experimental Cookery 2026: Cheese and Bacon Burgers

This one comes from "The Handcrafted Burger". It's absolutely lovely, but it also absolutely does not warrant a recipe of its own: make some patties, cook on one side, cover the other with cheese and cook, then add bacon and other bits and pieces. And that's it.

I guess the key thing here is that none of the other options in the book include bacon as a main part (the "everything burger" being a possible exception), so maybe they thought that they needed one?

Fundamentally, while "The Handcrafted Burger" is a remarkably enjoyable book, the truth is that it's not the burgers that are the key - those are generally almost trivial. On the contrary, it's the accompaniments that are the main thing here. And while this time the accompaniment is bacon, which is definitely a worthy choice, it probably doesn't warrant a page all by itself.

All that said, we'll definitely have burgers much like this in future. So that's good.

Charting a Way Forward

Thursday's band practice was interesting in several ways, not least in that it settled in my mind that it's going to be up to me to set a plan going forward - nobody else is going to do it, so that's that.

My view is that the band is not, in the near future, going to recruit a new drum corps or many more pipers, and as a consequence we won't be taking on events. Additionally, the pipe major has other commitments that mean he's frequently absent, and when he is present he has a learner who takes up a fair chunk of his time.

All of which means that whatever we do for our practices we're really doing for us - what do we find gives the most benefit to the most people.

And that means that, when possible, I think I want to get the practices into something like the current structure:

• We should probably spend some time working on fundamentals - there are a couple of sets of tunes that everyone plays and that we collectively know very well, and if we spend some time on those we can work on things like timing, expression, and so on. Hopefully, that will help improve the general standard of play.
• We should likewise probably spend some time on our "known" tunes - the ones that we would play at gala days and other events if we were to ever take one on again. These have become very rusty, so we should correct that. I'll need to dig out the list, and we'll put them on rotation.
• I also want to spend some time on some new tunes. We've learned a few recently, and what's been happening is that we practice them for a bit, kind-of learn them, and then let them fall by the wayside. Which is just a waste. So we'll pick a few and get them moved from the "new" to "known" buckets.
• Finally, we really should commit to getting the pipes out for a while at every practice.

And that's that. I'll try to make a start on it from Thursday, just in time to miss the following week.

The Mandalorian and Grogu

This film has the dubious distinction of being the only "Star Wars" film that I haven't seen in the cinema - even the rather poor "Clone Wars" movie from 2008 isn't on that list. (Incidentally, that film really doesn't hold up, and since it wasn't particularly good even on first viewing that's not terribly good. On the other hand, it's the jumping off point for the outstanding "Clone Wars" TV series, so it's still worth the pain.)

Anyway, LC and I watched M&G over the course of the last week, and my overwhelming conclusion is that, frankly, I'm glad it's one that we skipped.

Don't get me wrong - it's a perfectly serviceable film with a handful of good moments. But more than anything else, it feels like Filoni and Favreau took their plans for a fourth season of "The Mandalorian", dropped the bits featuring Bo Katan, and then mashed the rest together and called it a film. Which is fine, but it all felt remarkably low budget for a "Star Wars" film.

In terms of performances, it's fine, but the film is seriously hampered by having one lead in a face-covering helmet pretty much all the time and the other being a puppet with almost no lines. That said, I enjoyed seeing Zeb in live action, liked Rotta and the other Hutts, enjoyed Scorsese's turn as a street food vendor... and, of course, Sigourney Weaver was excellent as ever - hopefully that's not the last of her we'll see in "Star Wars".

Speaking of Grogu, I had very mixed feelings about the effects there. On the one hand, it was refreshingly quaint to see almost all of that done with puppets and practical effects - there was something very "Labyrinth" or "The Dark Crystal" about it all, which was surprisingly cool; on the other hand, it lacked the slickness we've come to expect from CGI. I guess that was the point. (The same was also true of a couple of guardian droids later in the film - they were pretty cool, but also pretty odd.)

Ultimately, though, my impression of the film was kind of... hollow. It didn't really give us anything in terms of character growth, or much insight into the galaxy, or presented anything we hadn't seen before. Bo Katan was a huge miss, largely because Katee Sackhoff is another actor who it's always good to see in action. Basically, this was all just a bunch of stuff that happened. It was fine, but like "Solo", it was nothing more than fine.

Ah well.

In closing, I'll note that I think that ties into much of my frustration with modern "Star Wars". I'm very much not in the camp who decries everything Disney has done with it, or hailing everything Lucas did as genius. But I'm really frustrated that some of what Disney has done is absolutely brilliant: "Rogue One", much of "Andor", the first two seasons of "The Mandalorian", and almost all of their animated output (notably the final season of "The Clone Wars", "Rebels", "The Bad Batch", and "Maul: Shadow Lord"). But some of it has been utterly forgettable ("Solo" and "The Mandalorian and Grogu"), while some has been outright bad or even worse ("The Last Jedi" and "The Rise of Skywalker" - in particular that last). If it was all terrible at least I could just walk away and have done. But the occasional gems means there's motivation to keep coming back, only to be disappointed most of the time. A shame.

"Upgrade" doesn't mean "Improvement"

We had a small IT crisis earlier this week - it started with some files not being where they should have been and proceeded to evolve into a deep concern about our online security. In the event, it all turned out to be fine (just some expired credentials), but it led to yet another dissatisfaction with an upgrade to an app that has led to a degraded experience.

Which is distressingly common: we keep getting software updates, they keep getting touted as game-changing upgrades... and I can't remember the time one of them actually improved my user experience. Nor, honestly, do I any longer expect that to be the case - at best, companies seem to really not care about these things; at worst, they seem to be actively making things worse in order to try to sell the fix to the problem that they themselves have created.

This is, of course, a bog standard grumble about the progress of modern technology. I do find it increasingly amusing, however, that "The Matrix" seems to have called it absolutely right when they declared that the mid-90s was the peak of our civilisation.

Day 250: Update on Goals

Hard to believe, but we're already at day 250 of the year, and so it's time for the antepenultimate update on goals for the year:

• Books: By Day 250 the on-target progress would see me at 24.66 books. I was going really well until mid-July, when I suddenly hit a problem: I was bogged down in a fantasy doorstep novel and the "backup" novel I was reading in parallel also ran to more than 1,000 pages. That has slowed progress to a crawl, suddenly calling this goal into question. I'm still ahead of the target, but less confident than I was previously - it really depends how the next couple of months go.
• Weight: Between my birthday meal, a trip to the US, and then a family holiday, this one has taken a big step backwards. Although that damage has now been reversed, there is now no meaningful likelihood of achieving this goal - if indeed there ever was much hope.
• Church Website: There was a small update prior to Summer to note that things were largely paused for two months. There has now been a second update to put them back as they were. Which amounts to a bunch of effort to get back to where we started!
• Garden: I had really hoped to be able to declare this one done with this update, but alas it is not to be. There is one more repair needing done, and I was all set to do this on Saturday morning. Unfortunately, it turned out I had purchased the wrong stuff for the job, and so was back to being stuck. But I believe I now have the required equipment, so next time... The garden will then require more effort in future years, though this is unlikely to be considered a formal goal.
• Blog: By rights, by Day 250 I should be at 82.19 posts. I'm therefore pretty much exactly on target, and that despite a somewhat disastrous July. So that's nice.

This is, sadly, an update I find extremely disheartening. Frankly, that seems to fit neatly with the way things are going generally - everything seems to have gone wrong since that trip to the US in mid-July, and I just don't see any way forward where it gets meaningfully better. Which just sucks.

Stage Management

Another week, and another rather frustrating church service: there was an awful lot going on, everyone involved was doing their absolute best, and our minister has some good ideas and good thoughts to share... and yet the whole thing just didn't quite gel.

Partly, the issue is due to simple technical difficulties. Our PC is in desperate need of some attention, as it basically gets switched on once a week for the service, and promptly wants to run Windows Update and its virus scanner, which bring it to a crashing halt. It may also require some more memory, though I'm inclined to spend some time on the software first.

But another issue is that there are just too many moving parts, and people aren't necessarily clear on what needs to be done at what times. Plus, too many things are being organised at the last minute, and by too many individual people. Add to that a last-minute reordering of events because of the aforementioned technical difficulties, and a desire to put a specific verse on screen mid-sermon (because the reading was a different translation, which meant a different interpretation)... as I said, it was rather frustrating.

I'm inclined to think that what's needed is a stage manager - someone to grab all the relevant people a bit before the service and make sure everyone knows what they're needing to do. And someone who will make sure the technology is as well-placed as possible - check the batteries in the mics, check that the correct slideshow has been loaded and it's all present and correct, and so on.

Problem is, it's easy to diagnose the problem, and indeed it's easy to fix that problem... but it's not so easy to fix the problem without being the person who volunteers to do it!

Finally!

It took four weeks, but as of yesterday I can finally hear again. To say that is a relief is a massive understatement, but at least it's now over!

The reason this took so long is largely that every step required someone new involved. As I left things, I'd gone to the GP and gotten something for the infection. Ten days later I was back at the doctor, to find that the infection was indeed gone, and that hopefully it would now clear up by itself. A week after that, with it not having cleared up, I was at another place getting the blockage removed.

And then, suddenly, everything was fine again.

The State of Public Services

It's a fairly common refrain that one of the problems with public service provision is that people in the UK want European levels of service while paying US levels of taxation. Having spent some time in both the EU and the US this year, however, I'd submit that the UK is in a uniquely crap position, and further that the problem is not where received wisdom would have it.

The thing is, in the US public services are a lot more limited than they are here: the government simply does less for people. And that means that the cost of living is higher. (There are other flaws in the system, and the roulette wheel of being bankrupted by a medical emergency is particularly horrible. I don't advocate copying their system whole cloth.) However, tax rates are correspondingly lower in the US than they are here.

However, one big difference in the US is that while tax rates are lower, tax revenues are higher, because average wages in the US are much higher than they are here. 10% of $100,000 is rather more than 20% of £30,000!

The net effect of this is that while the government does less for people, the things that it actually does are individually much better funded.

Conversely, in the EU public services are much more extensive, and tax rates are correspondingly higher to pay for them. The trade-off here is that because public services are extensive and well funded, there's no need, or indeed scope for, things like private education or healthcare. The cost of living, therefore, with the notable exception of taxes, is much lower.

But, again, there's one big difference: average wages are higher, meaning that although the tax rate is higher, the amount of money left over is also correspondingly higher - 50% of €70,000 is rather more than 80% of £30,000!

(This also means that for a UK citizen, travelling abroad becomes horribly expensive - when going to the US there's a need for comprehensive, and therefore expensive, insurances; when travelling to the EU anything you buy, and of course accommodation, is much more expensive due to the taxes involved.)

There are, as far as I can see, two fundamental problems with the provision of public services in the UK:

• Wages are, fundamentally, too low across the board. And, indeed, we seem to have set up our system to discourage people to seek better - the income gap between someone on benefits versus someone on the minimum wage just isn't high enough to justify the time and effort required to get and keep that job, and then at each step up the latter the salary increase is too small compared with the additional time, effort, and stress required. Our economy has been too stagnant for too long, and the jobs ladder has become to compressed.
• Those providing public services are also trying to do too much with just too little money, with the effect that every service people actually interact with is desperately creaking.

And it's going to get worse before it gets better, because our councils (primarily) are almost all desperately struggling under impossible debt repayments and pension commitments, while simultaneously trying to deliver too many services with not enough money. Meaning that year on year they'll have to increase Council Tax as much as they think they can get away with while at the same time degrading every service they are delivering.

There isn't really a solution to much of this. Wage increases are a key driver of inflation, meaning that increasing them will just cause more pain for anyone who doesn't get them, and the notion of councils doing less has the recipients throwing their hands up in horror (and with good reason). So, basically we're just stuck.

And yet, I rather suspect that is exactly what is needed. Well... that and central government clearing the debts incurred by councils, so that they actually have some room to maneuver...

Facing the Hard Truth

When I was preaching a couple of weeks ago, my topic was "Setting His Face to Jerusalem", with my theme being about dealing with the thing you knew you had to do but also didn't really want to do.

Unfortunately, I find myself facing exactly this situation - there's a problem growing that will be absolutely horrible to deal with, but which if left unchecked will fairly soon have catastrophic effects. And so, much as I don't want to, I'm going to have to grasp this thistle.

I can't go into any more detail here. Indeed, there was an earlier version of this post that I took down because it alluded to too much. Suffice it to say, though, that the graph says that "if this doesn't change, then by the time we get here it will get very bad."

Now I just need to persuade everyone else of the problem... and someone has to think of a way out of the mess.

The Weakest One

I've been gradually reading the Strike/Ellacott novels by JK Rowling. The first of these was good but fell apart in the final chapter, while the others have been generally solid, and there have been a couple of really good ones in there. Unfortunately, "The Hallmarked Man" is not one of these.

The eighth book in the series, THM runs to 1050 pages, and could have done with being about 30% shorter. There's too much repetition in the "relationship" chapters of the book, while simultaneously not really moving much of anything forward except right at the very end. Meanwhile, the investigation is long and meandering, where the main problem is not "whodunnit", but rather who was it dun to - once that is clear, everything else falls into place.

But, alas, I clocked the eventual killer pretty much right away. I still didn't quite see why, or even how, but the who was pretty clear.

Unfortunately, along with the repetition in the "relationship" chapters, there was a lot of repetition in motifs for the series - there was another rival investigation company, there was another subcontractor causing trouble, there was a redux of Strike's disastrous relationship from the previous book, and there was a repeated mannerism that gave away the killer. Hopefully the remaining two novels in the series will offer something new, because otherwise this could prove to be a problem.

(I do wonder which way the next novel will go: will she do the "Empire Strikes Back" ending, where everything goes wrong before coming together for an eventual mega-happy ending, or will she end with our heroes seemingly happy, only for the final book to see Strike die some senseless, heroic death? (With Robin somehow miraculously pregnant with his child in order to provide the seed of future happiness...))

Anyway, that's a shame. On the other hand, there was a book I really didn't want to cite as my weakest book of the year, and that's now been escaped. So I guess that's something!

#25: "The Hallmarked Man", by Robert Galbraith (JK Rowling)

You First

For reasons that will forever be a mystery to me, The Algorithm has recently decided to deluge me with coverage of the "return of conscription" in the UK - supposedly something that's coming with the inevitable war with Russia.

Now, to a large extent, this is abject madness - the modern battlefield is one of drones and guided missiles, with very little place for masses of barely-trained and unwilling infantry. Plus, our country has a growing problem with angry young men who are feeling increasingly disenfranchised; the last thing our betters should be doing is training and arming them.

But our government is not exactly renowned either for its intelligence or its sanity, our military is sufficiently antiquated that "HMS Victory" is officially the flagship of the First Sea Lord (and, indeed, we have a First Sea Lord), and our print media, who are the source of this nonsense, are read primarily by people with extreme nostalgia for rationing, the Blitz Spirit, and a war that ended twenty years before they were born.

All of which suggests they might actually float it as a possibility.

In which case, I feel rather fortunate that I'm now too old to be conscripted, and both Funsize and Surprise! are too young. But we have nephews and nieces who are in the age range.

But...

The truth is that, despite our fellow feeling and inherent sense of justice, Ukraine aren't allies towards whom we have treaty obligations, and nor is Russia inherently a nation against whom we have any inherent animosity. The Cold War has been over for decades, and the ideology that supposedly threatened us is gone - Putin is very much not Stalin. So if our leaders choose to antagonise Russia and take us into war, that is a matter of their choice. (Most damningly of all, they would probably be doing so at the behest of the USA - a nation that has displayed through their recent actions that they very much do not have our interests at heart. They are, rightly, motivated by their own interests.)

So if our leaders want to take us to war, and think they want to drag our children into it, my answer is very clear: You first. If you want a war, you pick up a gun and go. And if you are absolutely desperate to send someone's children off to be senselessly slaughtered, start with your own. Can't bear to do that? (Not surprisingly - it's a downright psychotic thing to want to do.) Then stop your warmongering and leave us alone.

'Til All Are One

Peter Cullen, the legendary voice of Venger in the "Dungeons & Dragons" cartoon and Eeyore of Winnie the Pooh fame has died.

And he was the voice of Optimus Prime.

Other than perhaps Gary Gygax, I don't think there's anyone I've never met who has had such an important influence on my life. This had already been a bad, bad week, with the loss of Dolly and Tim, but this is a new and deep blow.

Thank you for everything, and rest in peace.

Poor Pup

Lion has been feeling rather sorry for herself this last week. On Friday, she was super excited when Grandad came around to take her for a walk to pick up Surprise! and Funsize from school, only to come home with a bad cut in her paw. This was cleaned and bandaged, then given a second layer of bandaging as she continued to leave bloody paw prints as she walked around.

Obviously, all of this necessitated a trip to the vet, which in turn meant a set of stitches. And all was well...

For about a day.

On the Saturday it became clear that something wasn't right, as she was again bleeding slightly. So back to the vet, to find that some of the stitches had burst. It was just a horrible situation. Anyway, the second time she was stitched up and comprehensively bandaged, and this time things seemed to be okay.

Yesterday she was back with the vet to have the bandage removed, the wound checked, and then a new bandage applied. It now looks like she's on the mend, we hope.

She has another follow-up tomorrow, when she might have the bandage removed altogether (which is a mixed blessing - on the one hand, that should speed further healing, but increases the risk of reopening the wound again).

Plus, to add indignity on top of injury, she's had to wear the Cone of Shame when being left alone for the last few days!

Ride or Die

We found ourselves in a slight lull, with nothing much banked up in our to-watch bucket, and so we decided to give "Ride or Die" a go. The upshot: it's a fun show, an enjoyable way to fill a few hours, and it's fortunate it's a comedy since all the characters are pretty terrible at their supposed jobs.

I think that's actually all I have to say about that. A second season hasn't yet been confirmed, but looks likely, and we'll almost certainly watch it if it comes.

#23: "Actually, I'm a Murderer", by Terry Deary

#24: "First Prize for the Worst Witch", by Jill Murphy (a book for Funsize, and the last book in that series)

Making a Debut

Over the summer our minister has been away, first on study leave and then on a well-deserved holiday. We have therefore had an eight week period when he has been away (strictly speaking, we've had seven, with one more to go). During that time the preaching duties have been shared: we've had a couple of guests, a couple of our retired ministers have taken a turn, and a couple of our elders have stood in. On Sunday, therefore, I made my debut preaching in the church.

However, as always when I'm presenting something, the story starts quite some time before the event itself - there is always considerable preparation to be done. In this instance, this started with the main sermon itself, and in particular the three points I wanted to cover. (Because, of course, three shall be the number of the points, and the number of the points shall be three. Four shall not be the number of the points, nor indeed shall there be two points, excepting that you proceed immediately to the third. Five is right out.)

While I was thrashing out the sermon, I also picked the hymns. This proved to be pretty easy: one of the great benefits of running the service is that you get to choose all your favourites. So I went for a number of the classics, most of which are really well known; one of which that congregation don't sing terribly often. (Also one that happened to come up three weeks before, but nobody seemed to mind very much.)

That done, there was a children's talk to work out, and then some prayers to compose. Those proved to be the hardest part of the whole, especially the Prayer of Intercession, which I wrote well in advance and so had to modify for events closer to the time.

Fundamentally, the work was all done a couple of weeks in advance - not because I was super-prepared, but because I was going away the week before and so wanted to make sure everything was in place.

Then came the day itself. Everything was prepared, everything was well rehearsed, and so the time had come. On went the traditional black suit (jeans and t-shirt not being quite the thing - I'm the youngest of the elders, but that would be pushing it a bit!), up to the church, a check on the presentation and the audio system, and then the waiting...

I do hate the waiting.

And then, come the appointed moment, on with the show!

It all went pretty well, I thought. At least, I didn't get struck down for saying something blasphemous, though that may be a low bar to clear. But everyone seemed quite positive as they left, I don't think anyone actually fell asleep, and so it's all good.

I guess I'll only really find out when the minister is next away - will I be asked back, or was I successful enough to not get asked back?

Anyway, that was my weekend.

The 'H' Fell Off

A couple of weeks ago we spent some time away as a family to celebrate Dad's birthday. Huzzah! This event therefore saw us returning to the site of family holidays of old, and of course the place where the famous "Squirrel Ballet" joke saw its genesis. I was excited to return there to see the plaque they'd obviously mounted in honour of that monumental event.

Imagine my dismay, therefore, to discover that there was no such plaque! And, indeed, while there were some squirrels in attendance, none of them were willing to converse with me on the topic of ballet. How disappointing!

But, luckily, we did have some excitement with local fauna...

On our first night, after Funsize and Surprise! were abed, I found myself sitting downstairs in our cabin reading my book, when I became aware of a moth flying around. It was a very big moth. Indeed, it was a very, very big moth!

In fact, it turned out that it was no moth at all, but instead a bat! In the cabin! How very exciting!

Anyway, we proceeded to turn off the indoor lights, turn on the lights on the balcony, open the doors, and allowed it to fly away. And that was the end of our adventure with bats.

Or so I thought...

A few days later, I woke relatively early and went into our upstairs bathroom to wash my face. I did not have my glasses on at this point, thus rendering me nearly entirely blind. Indeed, blind as a bat, one might say.

Anyway, as I was washing my face I felt a strange fluttering around my leg. And, glancing down, I again saw a bat, gently flapping away!

At this point I uttered a deeply manly battle cry, opened the window, and beat an heroic retreat out of the bathroom. We never saw the bat again, so I'm presuming it flew away, though perhaps it is still there, biding its time...

But it was only as I left the bathroom that I noticed the key point that explained this odd encounter. It turned out that the 'H' had fallen down...

Not Sounding Too Good

For the past couple of weeks I've been having some trouble with my ears - I woke up one morning with very little hearing on one side and a distinct feeling of being gummed up. I've had this once before, and while it wasn't any fun it did at least clear itself after a few days. No such luck this time.

So, yesterday I had an appointment to hopefully get it seen to, which started well and then stopped. At which point I was advised that I needed to see a GP as there were distinct signs of redness. Luckily, when I phoned the doctor's it turned out they had a same-day appointment, and so I was able to get seen right away. (That did mean my plans for the evening were cancelled, but never mind.)

Anyway, it now seems that there is indeed some sort of infection, actually in both ears, and I've been given a spray to hopefully fight it. Which, sadly, means it's not something that just gets dealt with and is then fixed, but should mean that it does eventually get back to normal.

In the meantime, though, I get to continue to pretend my Shakespearean interpretation of a Roman emperor: "Caesar is turned to hear."

Reciprocity

Around Easter, we spent a week away in Portugal. It was a good holiday. However, customs was a massive pain - being non-EU citizens we were (rightly) shunted into the "other passports" lane, which then proceeded extremely slowly. Given that we had a car booked for a particular time, and that time gradually inched past, this was a real nuisance.

And yet, all of that was entirely reasonable. As I said, we're no longer EU citizens, and so it was appropriate that we were required to use the lane for non-EU passports.

But imagine my annoyance when we returned to the UK, specifically Edinburgh airport, only to find ourselves shunted into a lane for UK passport holders... and also holders of EU passports. And so we again found ourselves in a very long queue as the team there (who were, of course, short staffed) had to deal with all the passports.

A few weeks ago I had a trip to the US. This one was somewhat easier, in that I was traveling on my own, and so was able to make use of e-gates when available.

However, on arrival to the US I was (rightly) shunted into the "other passports" lane, which then proceeded fairly slowly. Given that I was tired and hungry by this point, that wasn't ideal... but, again, it's absolutely right and fair that the US prioritize their citizens.

Flying back to the UK, I was struck by the fact that I was on an absolutely full plane, and was going to b properly shattered by the time we landed - I've never been able to sleep on a plane, so had been awake 25 hours by the time we landed. Still, I consoled myself with the thought that most of the people on the plane were from the US, so at least I'd have a much shorter lane, for UK and EU citizens, waiting for me at passport control.

But no! Because it turns out that, at Edinburgh at least, US citizens can again use exactly the same lane as UK and EU citizens. (And, actually, it was worse even than that, because just as we arrived at passport control a large cadre of passengers from the EU also arrived.)

Oh, and also, Edinburgh does have an "other passports" lane, but there were such a tiny number of people in that category at that time that they sailed through faster than everyone else!

It's fair to say I have found a new pet peeve!

The thing that most annoys me about this is reciprocity, or rather the lack of it. I would very much prefer to be part of the EU, but we're not. Nor are we part of the US. So I have absolutely no problem with them requiring us to use the "other passports" lanes. Though it would be no bad thing for our leaders to agree a mutual deal whereby we can each use a faster lane - that would be really good, with no real downside I can see.

But in the absence of such a deal, surely we should apply the same rules as are imposed on us?

(Having said all that, I was struck, again, how life in the EU is just a better deal than in the UK. And, likewise, life in the US is also a better deal, although in a very different way, than in the UK. So maybe it's appropriate that this aspect of the UK sucks appropriately. But that's a whole other rant...)

Not Sure About That...

I've been reading, and enjoying, the "Edinburgh Nights" series by T.L. Huchu, of which "The Legacy of Arniston House" is the fourth and penultimate volume. They're set in a fairly bleak post-apocalypse Scotland, plus magic and ghosts and all sorts of fun things. The closest equivalent I can think of is the "Rivers of London" series, so if you've read and enjoyed those, you'll probably enjoy these.

But...

The most recent volume expands a significant amount on the lore of the setting, and in particular the timeline of how things came to be as they are - it's now possible to put a reasonably good date on events, which means in turn that when they describe some fairly horrible events visited on particular members of the Royal Family, it's pretty clear that exactly who those people are.

(It also means, incidentally, that the storyline has a missing sister in it. Maybe that will be explained in the final volume, or maybe it will just be glossed over.)

Now, here's the thing: I'm pretty far from being a royalist, and I'm a fairly lukewarm supporter of Scottish independence. But when the story talks about a riled-up group of "separatists" who attack, and ultimately kill, members of the Royal Family, and especially where it's clear who those people have to be, that's where I become rather uncomfortable. There's a good reason why most near-future dystopias tend to gloss over the fine details of just how we got from here to there, and especially in the immediate few decades.

(Incidentally, while I would end the monarchy, the way I would do it would be by closing the lines of succession, actually for both the monarchy and indeed all inherited titles. Meaning that William would still be monarch, then George, and then potentially Charlotte and/or Louis, but their children would never be in a position to succeed. That gives them plenty of time to get used to the idea of their roles ending, and in particular means that they'll know they have to make ready for post-royal careers in a way that those currently in line probably can't. But I digress.)

But what I have no desire to see, and would certainly have no truck with, is any sort of violent resolution to the question, be that the question of monarchy or of independence. Revolution is very much not something to be wished for.

#22: "The Legacy of Arniston House", by T.L. Huchu

Day 200: Update on Goals

Time for the fourth update on goals:

• Books: By Day 200 I would hope to be at 19.73 books completed. At the time of writing I have completed 19, with no fewer than 4 in progress to some extent. So that's actually going really well. However, it's worth noting that that doorstop fantasy novel I mentioned at the previous update is still in progress, so that's a matter of a little concern.
• Weight: No update.
• Church Website: No update.
• Garden: Frustratingly, the holes that I filled in were largely dug up again. We've made another fix, and hopefully the ground will get at least a little chance to recover. We're now in a position where there are just a couple of things needing sorted, so I expect to complete this.
• Blog: The target for this point in the year should be a little over 65 posts. At the time of writing, I need three more entries to reach that, which shouldn't be a problem at all.

The upshot of all of that: things are actually looking good on almost all fronts. Here's hoping that continues!

Experimental Cookery 2026: Roasted Tomato and Gochujang Rigatoni

This one comes from the June issue of the Tesco magazine. It involved roasting some tomatoes and garlic, mixed with a little gochujang paste (which I'd never used before), and then mixing with rigatoni pasta. Basically, there was nothing to it.

The resulting meal was decent. I think the tomatoes needed either a longer roast, or perhaps to be brought up to room temperature before starting, but otherwise it was fine. (Not an all-time favourite either, mind you. It was fine.)

We'd have this again, but I'm not exactly going to rush.

#21: "The Worst Witch and the Wishing Star", by Jill Murphy (a book for Funsize)

Experimental Cookery 2026: Barbecued Prawns with Harissa Mayonnaisse

This was another entry from Tom Kerridge's "The BBQ Book". It's found in his chapter in starters, but we paired these with some crusty bread and a salad, and had it as our dinner - after a recent holiday we're both leaning towards lighter dinners for the time being.

This is quick and easy to put together, but depending on circumstances may require some preparation ahead - the recipe calls for fresh prawns in their shells, while I had frozen without, so I put the prawns in to marinade (in the fridge) in the morning, rather than the suggested 40 minutes.

Otherwise, it was dead quick - 10 mins on the BBQ and we're done.

The end result was fantastic - we'd definitely have these again. Though perhaps as a starter for another meal. Which is useful, as we're shortly going to have plenty of opportunity for BBQing.

 #20: "Unfinished Tales", by J.R.R. Tolkien

Farage's Latest Antic

There is precious little to admire about Nigel Farage. However, his ability to grab the news agenda is undeniable - an announcement that he was going to make a statement at 2pm yesterday proceeded to dominate the agenda for the next several hours. Apparently, he's been suffering terrible unfairnesses and so has decided to resign and trigger a byelection.

A few things about this:

• Apparently, MPs can't actually resign directly - they get elected to serve a fixed term, with the expectation that they serve that term, unless they die. There are two sinecures in place that exist as an exception to this - they have no salary and no duties, but they have a rule that the person holding those posts cannot also be an MP. So the MP who wants to 'resign' applies for one of those posts, and is thus disqualified, and a byelection has to occur. However, I think this gives Rachel Reeves the opportunity for top quality trolling - those two sinecures are (officially at least) in the gift of the Chancellor of the Exchequer, so she could always decline to offer them to Farage.
• That said, all of that is horribly archaic nonsense. Frankly, those two roles should be abolished, with MPs instead being allowed to resign (with a proper notice period)... but barred from standing in the byelection that results. (Because what Farage is doing, like what David Davis did a few years ago, is a pointless and expensive gimmick that really shouldn't be tolerated.)
• The other funniest thing that can happen, of course, is that Farage fails to get re-elected. Apparently, the other parties have declined to stand, in order to take the interest out of this election, so the only other candidate (so far) is Count Binface. Farage took 46% of the vote last time, which is huge in a multi-party contest but not in a two-way race.

But...

• In all of this a few things seem to have been lost, which was probably Farage's intent. The thing is, for all his talk about having done nothing wrong, Farage was under investigation concerning a sizeable donation. Now, it may be that that donation was entirely legitimate. But it may also be the case that he should have declared it and failed to do so. Finally, it's also possible that the investigation itself is politically motivated - that he's being targeted because he's a threat to the establishment. The truth of this, whichever way it lies, matters significantly. If Farage broke the rules, he should face the appropriate sanction, and a byelection win shouldn't allow him to weasel out of that. Conversely, if he is being targeted unfairly, that too is a big problem and needs to be dealt with - while I have no sympathy with Farage, and no agreement with his party or policies, the rules have to be fair for everyone including those we most dislike.
• In his diatribe Farage also made a number of serious allegations about democratic issues - that the rules for the upcoming election for the new Manchester mayor were being changed specifically to disadvantage Reform, that votes were being extended to 16 year olds for specifically party-political reasons, and that the rules for political donations were likewise being changed specifically to harm Reform. Again, the truth of these things matters. And, again, the rules have to be fair for everyone.

Now, that said, I'm of the view that votes for 16 year olds is long overdue... and indeed that Labour are probably slightly too late to gain the benefit that the expect, as the Greens will capitalise instead. And the rules on donating to political parties in this country are not as they should be, especially as regards foreign donors. I do, however, have much more concern about the changes to the rules for the election of the mayor - I find it remarkable that the government of the day just happens to put in place the system that they think will give them the very best outcome, and indeed that they are permitted to do so. These things really should be administered by an independent body.

But all of that is an aside. More important than the specific set of rules is that a fair set of rules is put in place and then applied equally to all, without fear or favour.

Also: Vote Binface!

Congratulations - You're Now Old!

At some point I may post about the celebrations for my 50th birthday. They were good.

Less good is that since then I have found myself suddenly getting a lot of letters and other messages that were clearly triggered by my turning 50 - the NHS have sent me a stick for a poo test, while two of my three pension providers have sent me a "wake up" letter to suggest that I should start thinking about retirement.

Fun times.

At least, for now, Amazon haven't started to offer up walking sticks in their "For You" section of Today's Deals. Though I daresay that that's coming.

No, Scotland. No Party.

This will be the last post about football for a while, I promise...

As of this morning, the pain is over. Thank goodness! It turns out that all the expectations that a win over Haiti and narrow defeats to Morocco and Brazil would be enough - only one team qualified on 3 points, and with a positive goal difference. We weren't going to achieve that.

But that, and my previous statements that this tournament does actually represent progress, does still mean that this tournament ultimately goes down as a failure. We had our best chance to qualify, possibly the best chance we will ever have, and we failed to do so. Worse, we can't claim that we actually played particularly well in any of our games - the one we won was perhaps lucky, and the other two saw some horrible failings in defense.

So, where does it always go wrong?

To be honest, I think a large part of the issue can be boiled down into two words, "England Expects".

Here's the thing: England always goes into these competitions with a desperate hope that this time will be the one when they finally win it (they probably won't, but I digress). However, they also go in with the definite assurance that they will get past the group stages. That may be arrogance, but it's also not unreasonable. A team of England's size and quality should be progressing.

Which is why, in the one occasion recently when they didn't this led to wholesale changes in how they approached their international setup, changes that led them to turn it around and become the (beaten) finalists last time out.

And that means that while they don't dismiss their opponents in the group stages, they also go into those matches with serious assurance that they'll get the job done.

Scotland don't do that.

Now, in fairness we had an absolutely stinking group to get through. Getting anything from Morocco or Brazil was always a really big ask. But in 2024 our group was Germany, Switzerland, and Hungary. Our 2021 group was Croatia, England, and Czechia. Meaning no offense, but neither of those is the same category of task, and both times we utterly collapsed.

So.

It remains to be seen who will be the next Scotland manager. There will be a task of qualifying for the next Euros (maybe - we might get automatic qualification), and certainly for the next World Cup, and there will be a task of refreshing the squad as players age out.

But I think we also need to stop accepting that just getting to these competitions is enough. The Tartan Army travel in too great numbers, and at too great a cost, for that to be acceptable. So we should be making a statement right from the off: barring another absolute horror of a draw, we Expect to qualify from our group stages - if not in 2028 then 2030 at the latest.

Supergirl

"Supergirl" is a female-led superhero movie, and as such the reviews are utterly useless - there's a loud and obnoxious strain of review-bombers who would have you believe this is the greatest insult to filmmaking ever consigned to the screen, and there's a misguided counter-movement who consequently cannot bear to admit any flaw in the piece. It's really quite maddening.

Supergirl is a character who has had several interpretations on the screen (and, like most superheroes, even more in the comics): there's the "female Superman" iteration portrayed by Melissa Benoist and Helen Slater, there's Sasha Calle's brutalised and damaged version from "The Flash", and here we have Millie Alcock's drunken and messy version. (There's also a version in "Smallville", but I didn't get far enough into that show to see it.) My favourite, generally, is Benoist's take... but I do have to note that "female Superman" is a largely redundant character - it's fine if Supergirl is essentially the only Kryptonian in your shared universe, but doesn't work if you're doing a Cinematic Universe centred around Superman himself. You need something different.

Anyway...

There were parts of this version of "Supergirl" that I really enjoyed, and I thought Millie Alcock was very good indeed in the role. I liked the tone of the piece, and I thought that the action sequences were mostly well done.

Sadly, there was also a significant amount that I just didn't care for. I found pretty much all of the rest of the cast largely wasted - even the usually-reliable Jason Momoa was largely forgettable (though I'm guessing Lobo will appear again...). The villains were bland (more on this later), the secondary hero was wasted, and generally it was just a whole lot of people who existed to take up space. A real shame.

I'm now going to have to go into some spoilers, so if you want to avoid, stop reading now!

There were two things in particular I didn't like about the film. Firstly, Supergirl kept finding herself getting caught out and poisoned, or incapacitated, or poisoned and incapacitated. Once was fine, but this kept happening over and over again. After about the fourth time I really started to get bored - let's just get to the end, please!

The other big problem was the villains of the piece, who were frankly all over the place.

They are introduced as raiders come to shake down a blacksmith to steal some swords - the best ever forged. Fair enough. They proceed to slaughter everyone, leaving the daughter, Ruthye, as the sole survivor. An important note: they were clearly aware that she was there, but just left her.

Ruthye then takes up her family blade, swears revenge, and draws Supergirl into the action. Except that Kara is determined not to get involved - unfortunately for her, Krypto is poisoned and she needs to get the antidote.

Later in the film, having stolen these swords, they then made no use of them whatsoever. Instead, their motivations had changed: they're now an all-male species (how?) who capture lots of young women to be their "brides" and propagate their species. Consequently, they're shown as being quite keen to capture both our heroes.

The key problem with that? Ruthye is the very same daughter that they clearly saw, but just as clearly left alone at the outset of the film. So, really, it would have been much, much easier just to take her right at the start. And then none of it happens.

But the whole "brides" thing is problematic in another way - they're another example of characters existing in the film to take up space, rather than in their own right. As mentioned, Supergirl isn't motivated by this obvious and horrible wrong - she wants the antidote for her dog. Ruthye is motivated by her desire for revenge. In terms of story, both of those are perfectly coherent motives, but they fall somewhat short under the circumstances.

Worse than that, none of the "brides" actually exist as characters. There's one who has a couple of lines (because the script required a reason for a sudden but inevitable betrayal), but barely that.

Thinking on it, it feels like the "brides" were probably added to the script quite late, and so don't really fit with the rest - they probably exist simply to show how beastly the raiders are. And that's fair enough, I guess - they deserved a good punching.

Anyway, "Supergirl" is an okay film. It's not the abomination the review-bombers would have you believe, but it's a long way from being a masterpiece. In terms of similar films, I'd consider it much better than the previous "Supergirl", a little better than "The Marvels" or "Wonder Woman 1984", but less good than "Captain Marvel". It's also much less good than "Wonder Woman", which probably remains the best female-led superhero movie (though itself not without it's flaws).

Thunderbolt and Lightning, Very, Very Frightening

I do quite like thunderstorms, especially after a prolonged spell of hot weather and the high pressure that goes with it - it always feels like a big release of tension, and the lightning itself is very impressive.

Sadly, that enjoyment is marred somewhat by having a dog that is absolutely terrified by the loud noises and bright lights, even with her ear protectors in place, and even given my best efforts to comfort her. Lion did not have a good morning on Friday.

A shame, really. Poor dog.

The Traditional Waiting Game

As expected, Scotland managed to be (deservedly) beaten by Morocco, and then beaten by Brazil. Going into that last match we knew that a draw would guarantee qualification, a 1-0 defeat would almost certainly guarantee it, 2-0 would leave us in trouble but probably okay, while a 3-0 defeat would leave us hanging by a thread.

We therefore promptly registered a 3-0 defeat, because of course we did. We now have two teams confirmed in a better third-place than us, with nine groups to play. By my count, there are three groups that are very likely to end with the third place team below us, with several others in the "maybe" bracket. We now really need Australia to beat Paraguay by at least two goals, which doesn't seem likely.

And the sad truth is that if it does end here, it's no more than we deserve. Yes, we were rather unlucky in our draw (having three host nations all in pot one somewhat skewed things), and yes we were rather unlucky not to get a penalty against Morocco, but fundamentally we kinda knew we needed more against Haiti and just didn't get it done, and against both Morocco and Brazil our defense was suspect (to put it mildly).

I still maintain that this group of players have the ability to do better, and I'm not blaming Steve Clarke for this either (though many will). Fundamentally, I think it's still an issue of confidence: in qualifying they proved that they are worthy of being in the competition, but when it comes to the actual big stage they just don't seem to be doing it.

Oh well.

As I said in my previous post on the topic, even an elimination at this point represents progress: we've avoided being the worst team (which shouldn't be a goal, but after the Euros...), we managed to score a goal, and we managed to win a match. So we go again.

 #19: "The Mystery of Dunvegan Castle", by T.L. Huchu

King of the North

So Starmer is out. I'm afraid I'm not at all sorry to see him go - I've long been of the view that he didn't so much win the last election as the Tories very much lost it (in every sense of the word), and he's been deeply unimpressive since.

And it very much looks like Burnham will be the next guy - having been gifted a very safe seat in the recent by-election he's now eligible to become Labour leader, and he has the great virtue of being untainted with the shambles that has gone before. It's a chance for Labour to make a clean break, reinvent itself, and hopefully change direction enough to fend off the threat of Reform.

Except...

I find myself deeply troubled by the democratic legitimacy of this one. At the General Election we were presented with a Labour party led by Kier Starmer and presenting themselves under a specific manifesto. Switching to Burnham and making a clean break means ditching both of those things. Would people have voted as they did under those circumstances? Would they vote that way now?

And this switch is even more outrageous than even the 'normal' changes in Prime Minister that we've had in the last decade - at least then the replacement leader was someone who had been elected at the same time and under the same manifesto as the outgoing leader, so there was at least some sense of continuity. Burnham doesn't have that - indeed, that's the very key to his relative popularity.

Our constitution doesn't require a change of PM to be followed by a General Election. In practice, however, such changes generally have been followed by one in short order: May was crazy enough to call one after Cameron left, Boris called one after he took over from May, and Rishi only had 20 months left in the parliamentary term before he had to call one. (Truss wasn't in office long enough for it to matter.)

And there are usually fairly good reasons to call one: there's always a "new manager bounce" that comes from having someone new at the helm. Gordon Brown made a critical mistake in refusing to call a General Election when he became leader.

But a General Election now can only mean bad things for Labour - at the very least, they'll lose a lot of seats (because the current Commons arithmetic is a quirk of the system, unlikely to be repeated), and may very well usher in the Reform government of our nightmares.

So he's got an unenviable decision to make: call an Election and suffer for it, or refuse and be dogged by attacks that he's even more lacking in democratic mandate that is usual for replacement PMs. Not a good position.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to this: can the Labour government get the economy working again in the next 3 years? We're in a fairly horrible position where for an awful lot of people things have yet to really recover even from the crisis in 2008, with food inflation, in particular, causing real problems. Meanwhile, wage stagnation has meant that for most work just doesn't pay enough to be worthwhile - the gap between benefits and minimum wage, and between each step on the ladder to the next, just isn't enough for the additional effort needed to climb it.

If that can be addressed, Labour have a decent chance in the next election and should hold off. If not, it's likely they'll see a modest improvement in the polls now and then a continued slide, so their best bet of a win, any win, is basically now.

Either way, I don't actually see any chance of there being a General Election any time soon. But if it really is the King in the North, I'm afraid that in this instance I think there really should be.

Ladies First

This is not the absolute worst film I have ever seen, but it's fair to say that it's right up there.

The film has a well-worn premise: a sexist arse finds himself transported into a world where the gender roles have been flipped, and is forced to learn a salutary lesson in order to get home. That done, he's a new man. Huzzah!

The fundamental problem with the film is that it appears that the filmmakers have spent the last fifty (or at the very least the last ten) years in a bubble, completely oblivious to anything that has happened since. The behaviours depicted were not acceptable even when I started work thirty years ago, never mind following Weinstein and "Me Too". It really undercuts the parody when the thing that is being parodied doesn't actually exist, except possibly in some script-writers fevered brain.

In fairness, there are two mildly funny moments in the film.

Ultimately, though, this is one to avoid. We got it bundled as part of our Netflix subscription, and it still felt like being ripped off.

They Won? They Won!

I didn't watch the Scotland match - with a 2am kickoff it was just too late for me. By all accounts that was the right decision. Apparently Scotland were pretty terrible, and were perhaps lucky to come away with a 1-0 win against opponents that we really ought to have beaten.

All of which means we're probably barrelling towards an unlucky elimination on goal difference. The target seems to be 3 points and a -2 or better goal difference, and if Scotland do get beaten by Brazil and Morocco we'll be at 3 points and, at best -1. Plus, with Brazil and Morocco drawing, they both now know that the winner of the group will be decided by goal difference, so they'll want to put as many past us (and Haiti) as they can.

But...

There are two important mitigating factors to consider. In the previous two tournaments, Scotland have been rubbish in their first game and have then ground out a draw in their second game against, nominally, much better opposition. Well, we've apparently been rubbish in our first game... and a ground-out draw would guarantee our qualification. So I'll happily take that.

But the other thing to consider is this: like it or not, Scotland were the worst team at the Euros in 2024. So our first, fundamental goal for this tournament was simply to avoid that. As much as it sucks, simply not being the absolute worst represents progress. And we've done that. Huzzah, I guess. The next target was simply to score a goal (done), and then to actually win a game (done).

So the target now is to put in the best performances possible (ideally, at least one actually good performance), and we'll see how we go from there. A point would be glorious, even two defeats and qualification would represent our best-ever result at one of these major finals. But if even that doesn't happen... oh well, as long as next time is better again we'll at least, very slowly, be getting somewhere.

And that's not nothing.

Experimental Cookery 2026: Sumac Chicken Drumsticks

These came from Tom Kerridge's book, "The BBQ Book". I don't have a lot to say about them - they were quick and simple, with just a few steps to them (including marinading overnight), and were really nice once they were cooked. All in all, a winner - we'll definitely have these again.

That said, I did find that cooking these on the barbecue was somewhat fraught - I found myself utterly paranoid about whether they were sufficiently cooked or not. Our meat thermometer really didn't help, as it turns out that it just doesn't come up to temperature as it should - I've now replaced it with a better, digital one. But most of the problem was just sheer terror at the possibility that the chicken might not be cooked, even when it clearly was.

Incidentally, in addition to the chicken I also made up two jars of pickles from the same book over the weekend: one of pickled radishes and the other pickled chilli onions. Both of which were really nice, though neither really warrants its own post to say that.

#18: "Sharpe's Storm", by Bernard Cornwell

Warming Up to the World Cup

So Scotland have qualified for the World Cup, and are due to play our first match there for 28 years this Sunday morning. The hype is intense, the excitement is palpable... and I'm not joining in.

Unfortunately, at both the last two Euros we've gone into the competition on the crest of a wave, only to freeze in our first game and get soundly beaten. This was then followed with a plucky draw, a new wave of excitement because "if we can just beat... we could go through", and then another disappointment. There is very little reason to think that things will be any different here, except that Haiti aren't Germany... but that doesn't really matter if our team don't perform.

Of course, one thing that does work tremendously in our favour is that this time three teams will qualify from most of the groups - we're going from 48 teams down to 32 in the next round. So in theory only the truly terrible teams will be eliminated, with one win almost certainly enough to see us through.

And Scotland genuinely, honestly, aren't one of those "truly terrible" teams. On paper, given the group we're in and the form the team has been showing, we should go through and with something to spare. Indeed, with Brazil being a shadow of their former greatness, it's not entirely insane to suggest we could even top the group...

But, no. Because in this context "truly terrible" doesn't refer to the quality of the team on paper, or the form going into the matches, or anything else. All that matters is the next three games, and indeed most importantly the next game (since Haiti are by far the most beatable of the three teams - meaning no offense to them; they'll be saying exactly the same thing about Scotland).

In qualifying, both this time and last time, Scotland proved that they're good enough to be at the tournament. Against Germany they played as though they didn't believe that, and in so doing proved that they weren't.

The big question for Sunday, then: do our players believe that they deserve to be at the party?

Who's Future

I see that the BBC has now announced some big changes for "Doctor Who" - Russell Davies and Bad Wolf are out, they're putting the show out to tender, and they've cancelled the Christmas Special. That last isn't really a surprise. There was just no way to get it all filmed, through post-production, and onto TV for Christmas (at least, not this year...).

But where does that leave "Doctor Who"?

Well, nowhere good. Unfortunately, this means that the return of Russell Davies, the whole of the Disney deal, and indeed the tenures of both the last two (new) Doctors and the last two showrunners have been pretty much disasters. More or less the only good things to come from it is that we've now had our first female Doctor and our first person of colour as a permanent Doctor.

But what next?

If I were the BBC, I think I would immediately be approaching Paul McGann about possibly stepping into the role in the immediate term. If he's willing and available, I would proceed to adapt one or more of the "Big Finish" stories for TV - those are extremely well regarded, they have a script more or less ready to go, so it's something they should be able to get done at some speed. And the 8th Doctor has always been a joy to see and has always been the great "what if...", so let's do it!

If that doesn't work, I'd be inclined to approach Jo Martin about the same, and backfill the Fugitive Doctor story. I'm really not a fan of the Timeless Child stuff, but the fact is that it's canon now, and Jo Martin herself was really good in the role, so they might as well use it.

But if that doesn't work out, I think they have to accept a hiatus, potentially several years in length.

In which case, take your time, cast a whole new Doctor, and start fresh from a "some time later", and completely ignore the Billie Piper appearance - ideally, edit the end of the last episode to have the new Doctor appear in her place and pretend it has always been that way (in the same way that they inserted Ncuti Gatwa in "An Adventure in Time and Space" when they showed that most recently).

Ultimately, though, today's announcement is probably the bleakest news for "Doctor Who" since Colin Baker's firing in 1986.

Annoying Vindication

As I've mentioned a few times, one of my goals for this year has been to fix the garden. This was largely motivated by a desire not to pay to have someone come and do the job - it seemed awfully expensive, and I wasn't entirely convinced they'd quoted for everything we actually wanted.

I've made a start on the task, mostly involving filling in three holes in the garden: one we dug for a sandpit for Lion (which turned out to be a bad idea), and two that Lion dug herself. I also spread grass seed over the affected area.

Alas, this has not had entirely the desired effect, notably because Lion has proceeded to dig great big holes back in the garden. Which is more than a little frustrating.

On the other hand, it does mean that choosing not to spend the money to get it done was absolutely the right decision: as annoying as it is to see her tearing up my work, how much more annoying would it be had we spent a thousand pounds only to see her rip that to pieces?

#17: "The Worst Witch to the Rescue", by Jill Murphy

Mid Calder Gala Day: Gala Day Season Begins... and Ends

The band is struggling.

Last year we had an issue where the key members of our drum corps decided (not unreasonably) that they wanted to try their hand at competition. They let it be known that they would be available to us when they were free, but when there was a clash they would prioritize their competition band. This was unfortunate, but understandable - but it meant that for much of the gala day season we were really struggling for people.

At the end of the competition season our pipe major started looking around for an alternative drum corps, be that recruiting new people, or even hiring a tutor and training a new drum corps. However, nothing came of that - indeed, over the winter it became apparent that 'our' drummers had left their competing band, and so should now be available to us. Unfortunately, a few months ago they joined another competing band, and so we were once again stuck.

In the meantime, however, we've also lost much of our pipe corps - between family commitments and various age-related health issues we've found that our regular attendance at practices is less than half a dozen, some of whom aren't able to march any distance.

And so, when the time came to determine which events we would be doing this year, we found ourselves in real trouble: there was one event at which we had sufficient numbers for a pipe corps and one that was a 'maybe', and only one event at which we had a drum corps. And so we've ended up having to cancel all our other events for the year. (It's also worth noting that those events are themselves ailing - we've lost both our Christmas events, we've lost our local gala day, and we were down to only a handful of potential events anyway.)

Anyway, Mid Calder gala day happened on Saturday. It's one of the more involved events: the third-longest parade, followed by lunch, followed by three or four mini-events as we play around the village.

We met at the school, as always, and as always proceeded to agonize over uniform: jackets or no jackets; capes or no capes? In the end, we went with neither jackets nor capes - a bold decision, but a lucky one as it happened. We had a pipe corps of seven, which is one more than the absolute bare minimum, and a drum corps of three (including a bass drummer). So an okay, but not great, band.

And from there it was all pretty straightforward. Except that I came away absolutely convinced that it was the right decision to cancel the other events, because it was very evident that we were struggling for lack of practice - several people weren't playing drones, there were chanters cutting out, and we'd had to restrict our repertoire to a mere five sets (not what you want when you have a long parade to do).

The highlight of the day was the lunch - my understanding is that the local butchers supply the food, in which case they come highly recommended. And then the three mini-events were fine, but no more than that.

And that's gala day season, at least as far as the band is concerned. And, indeed, that's the year's performances with the band done. (We do have our local gala day this weekend, and it will be good to be able to actually attend - I usually miss it. And I have some other solo piping events.)

As for the band, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take action. I'd really hoped not to have to do so, since I was enjoying not having the stress of having to run things, but we just can't go on as we are. So two things are evident:

1. If the band is to continue we need to be able to take on events, confident that we're actually able to fulfil them. And, as I said, it's entirely reasonable that 'our' existing drum corps want to go and compete (if you want to know how good you can be, that's pretty much a necessity), and if they're competing then they're not able to attend events with us. But that means that we need to recruit (or train) a new drum corps - we have to assume that 'our' drum corps are not available at the key times that we would need them, so need to make other arrangements. But I'm not in a position to do anything about that.
2. What I am in a position to do something about is the situation with pipers. As I mentioned, we've seen a massive drop-off in attendances at practice, and some of the reason for that (and also the consequence of that) is that practices themselves have become largely depressing - we've been drifting, not really doing anything of value, and only actually playing the bagpipes on those rare occasions when we can be bothered. That's something I can change - it's just a matter of imposing a little more structure and committing to actually practicing. So I guess I'll get started on that, and we'll see how it goes.

And maybe next year will be better. Maybe.

Day 150: Update on Goals

It seems no time since the last update, but as we've reached Day 150 of the year, it's time for another update on goals:

• Books: By this point I would hope to be at 14.79 books completed, which I passed quite some time ago. That said, I've just hit a set of "doorstop" fantasy novels that have turned out to have tiny print, so I may have a problem here...
• Weight: This is drifting along. It's okay, but by no means great.
• Church Website: This has made significant progress since the last update - I have populated pages for all the groups, and now just need to get the details in place. Then an update of what's already there, and things will be looking good.
• Garden: I've also made a big step forward here - the various holes were filled in and grass seed sown. I'm not sure that's going to bear fruit, as Lion (not to mention the birds) seem intent on undoing my work. But we'll see. I still need to fix the loose slab (on a wall, not a steps as previously reported) and get rid of an old gas cylinder, but it's looking reasonably hopeful.
• Blog: The target for this point in the year should be a little over 49 posts. I'm around that point, so things are looking good.

The upshot of all of that: things are actually looking good on almost all fronts. Here's hoping that continues!

The Flash

"The Flash" has finally made its way to Netflix and so, being at something of a loose end, I've gradually watched my way through it. It is offensively bad.

Firstly, though, there are some good things:

• Seeing Keaton back as Batman is really good fun. In fact, all three of the Batmans in this film do really good turns, with two of them giving their best-ever performances in the role.
• Similarly, Sasha Calle is really good as Kara. There's not much too the role, and they seem to be doing a weird take on the "Red Son" Superman comic, but that's fine - she does well with the material she is given.

And that's it. There are many, many bad things (spoilers from here):

• Basing a film about a character whose main trait is that he is annoying is an... interesting choice. To base it around two instances of that character, each more annoying than the other is not a good idea.
• The CGI looks terrible. Seriously, it is genuinely woeful at times. I've seen AI-generated videos that are streets ahead. The zombie cameo by Christopher Reeve is the absolute worst of them all, and the one that leads me to call the film offensively bad, but it's far from being the only offense.
• As with all time-travel films, it has a scene detailing the "rules" of time travel for the universe. As with all time-travel films, they're utter nonsense. However, these have absolutely no rhyme or reason... and serve to make the events of the film impossible even in-universe (if changing time affects both the future and the past then you can never again get back to the point that you've changed - the point in time no longer exists).
• There's a comic book trope called "women in refrigerators" where a woman exists in a story solely to die offscreen in a suitably horribly manner and thus motivate the (inevitably male) hero into action. "The Flash" features a particularly egregious version of this: the action is motivated by Barry's desire to prevent the murder of his mother (which happens off-screen). He does so, but Nora Allen is then given all of two scenes in the film, absolutely no character development, and indeed we learn basically nothing about her other than that she's "nice" (and that from the perspective of her son, so hardly an unbiased source). And then, as in so many time travel films, the resolution is to go and put things back the way they were - back into the fridge with her! (And to compound things, having learned his lesson not to meddle with time, Barry decides "what the hell" and does so anyway, this time managing to save his father, who had been falsely accused of the murder all along. I'm not saying there's a double standard or anything, but...)

Anyway, that's that. It's not the absolute worst film I've ever seen, or even the worst I've watched all the way through. But it's right up there. Avoid.

Beavers Sleepover

Funsize has been attending Scouts for a few years: first Squirrels, then Beavers, and she moved on to Cubs at Easter. Surprise! has likewise just started at Scouts, in the Squirrels section. You'll note that neither FS nor KS are currently members of Beavers, and yet this weekend I found myself helping out at a Beavers Sleepover event.

Basically, it's a story of events transpiring seemingly without rhyme or reason, and all just falling out to make for a good outcome: just as Funsize moved up to Cubs we were contacted by Scouts asking if we would be willing to be PVG checked - this being a requirement to be involved as parent helpers even on an occasional basis. (This is one of those good things that causes a problem, as an awful lot of people who otherwise would volunteer time and expertise are put off by the need for the check. And while organisations can promise that it's entirely benign, as indeed it is, it's entirely understandable that people don't want to invite the government's attention. But, yes, I'd much rather be in a world where those checks are in place. As I said, a good thing but not without its problems. Anyway...)

So LC and I completed our PVG checks a little while ago. Meanwhile, the Beavers camp ran into a small problem in that some of the leaders who had meant to attend suddenly found themselves unable. And so they could either cut down the number of places for Beavers to attend camp, or find a replacement. But where to find someone with the required PVG checks at short notice...?

As it happened, this past weekend was that rare thing - a weekend when we otherwise weren't really doing anything and so one of us could indeed arrange to go help out at the camp. And let's be honest - I wasn't going to let the children miss out just because I couldn't be bothered. So that was that.

For obvious reasons, I can't say too much about the camp itself: it ran from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon at one of the Scouts camp site, it was in a fixed building rather than under canvas, and there were 17 Beavers in attendance and 5 adults.

As might be expected, it was good fun but very tiring - lots of activities, lots of keeping people together, safe, and entertained, lots of cooking and then washing up. Conceptually it wasn't much different from the BB camps I did back in the day: yes, a mixed group rather than all boys, a younger group than I've previously been with, and more focus on outdoor and adventure activities, but all all generally quite familiar.

My starring moment, such as it was, came with the discovery that there was no hot chocolate, which put something of a dampener on the "hot chocolate and pancakes" for supper plan. I therefore proceeded to magic up some hot chocolate (a big spoonful of chocolate spread in a pan of milk, heat gently while stirring constantly).

All in all, it was a good time. The children all seemed to really enjoy themselves, they were a good bunch, and it was all just friendly and relaxed. And the weather was glorious, which always helps. A good use for a weekend, really.

(I was asked at one point if someone had had "the conversation" with me about becoming a leader on a permanent basis. And they had indeed - I can't imagine it's lost on them that someone who is willing to come help with a camp might be willing to do more, and they're always in a position where the biggest constraint on what they can offer is based on the availability of leaders. Unfortunately, I did have to note that time is very limited. As I said, this was a rare 'free' weekend for us, and evenings are even more scarce.)

The Boys

I've been watching "The Boys" for some years now, and it has just come to an end. Sadly, this is not a glowing recommendation.

I really enjoyed the first few seasons of the show - it was something new, it was well made, and in both Vought and Homelander they had some pretty compelling villains. Unfortunately, somewhere in the fourth season (or maybe the fifth) it took a wrong turn.

The fifth and final season, then, was a massive step down in quality, on a par with "Game of Thrones" - it all suddenly seemed very small and mundane, the things that had seemed fun and edgy were mostly just dumb and repetitive (notably Soldier Boy), and frankly it all just became a slog through to the end.

In particular, it really seems that the creators had a massive axe to grind - Homelander became a thinly-veiled stand-in for Donald Trump... but a caricature of what a particularly mad subset of the American Left think Trump is. (I don't really understand their need to do that - Trump has flaws enough without having to invent them. This was just silly.)

I was also fairly deeply offended by the "Homelander thinks he's God" plotline in the final season. Not because of the villain's latest insanity, which was to be expected. But the show was then populated with a multitude of caricatures of what the American Left think modern, and especially American, Christianity represents - the only good Christian character was portrayed as abandoning her faith, while all the others were a cavalcade of liars, hypocrites, and general shits. Not one was actually willing to stand up and condemn what was going on. (And, again, this where the "Homelander = Trump" parody fails. Because while there is a distinct lack of public condemnation of Trump from America's religious right, it's also important to note that Trump has, in fact, not claimed to be God.)

Anyway, the finale was slightly better than the rest, and the final resting place was as it all should be. So there's that, at least. Mostly, though, I'm just glad it's done.

Also of note, while this season was airing the news was broken that the spin-off, "Gen-V", had been cancelled. On one hand, this was disappointing - that was a show I was enjoying. On the other hand, it means that this is a really good off-ramp from that universe, and since I have no desire to get sucked into their prequel, "Vought Rising", I'll be taking that opportunity.

Oh well. A shame, but not a disaster, I suppose.

#16: "The Silmarillion", by J.R.R. Tolkien

It Happened Again

Speaking of endings...

Saturday should have been one of the most glorious days in the history of Scottish football. We'd had the most fascinating season of my lifetime, and entered the final week with two games to go and one point between the top two teams, with both having difficult games ahead. Hearts then won their midweek game, while Celtic struggled in theirs... only to be given a controversial penalty at the last minute to win the match.

I didn't see the footage at the time, but have since, and while the video is truly bizarre, it does also appear to be a legitimate penalty. I'm not sure what the Motherwell player thinks he is doing, but somehow it does seem he contrives to put his hand on the ball when simply heading it would have been easier. And, of course, the same rules apply in the first minute and the last minute of the game...

And so we went into the final game with Celtic playing Hearts in a league decided. This, of course, basically never happens: almost every year someone has won the league some weeks before (almost always Celtic), and in the rare occasions when it is undecided it is usually between Celtic and Rangers who are not allowed to play each other on the last day (for fear of crowd trouble). So to have a title decider you need two unlikely things to happen at once.

Anyway, we kicked off in glorious sunshine, and what turned out to be a really interesting game ensued: Hearts were the better first half, and scored a deserved goal. They were then somewhat unfortunate to concede a penalty, and an equaliser, just before half time. But then in the second half Celtic were the better team... without quite ever getting there. Then, about five minutes from time came the decisive blow, as Celtic scored again.

This led to Hearts having to push hard for another goal that would win them the title. And, in turn, this left them vulnerable at the back, and so with 30 seconds to go Celtic had an opening, surged forward, and scored into an open goal.

What should have happened then is that the game restarted, they played another thirty seconds or so, and the match ended with a well-fought and deserved Celtic win. A real shame for Hearts, but Celtic came into form at just the right time, and the season plays to the very last whistle of the very last match.

What actually happened, though, is that there was another pitch invasion, in a repeat of the disgraceful scenes from the Scottish Cup quarter-final.

A few things before I go on: the SPFL and the match referee are claiming that the match was ended. This is not the case. The final whistle had not blown before the pitch invasion started, and play did not resume thereafter. That's an abandonment. I understand why that happened, and I also understand why they're claiming otherwise (as an abandonment creates all sorts of complications, especially with Celtic having been declared champions), but details really matter.

Ultimately, two things, though:

• Playing those last few seconds wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome. Celtic were indeed the best team on the day, and at the end of the season the league table doesn't lie - they were, just, the best team across the season.
• There must be a proper sanction applied for this, and it must be of a footballing nature. Deduct points for next season, or close a stand, or something. Not a fine, because that's meaningless.

And if the SPFL or SFA won't address this, the Scottish government and the police must. Enough is enough - I'd suggest a statement that if it happens again, the police will no longer attend home matches of the club involved, meaning they can't complete those fixtures. Put them on notice: sort it out, or we'll put you out of business.

(And, yes, it was Celtic fans this time. But this hasn't even been the only horrifying incident associated with Scottish football this week, and it wasn't Celtic fans who were responsible for the other.)

And so the curtain comes down on another Scottish league season, what should have been the very best this millennium. Congratulations to Celtic on a deserved championship. You disgust me.

Good Omens 3

"Good Omens" is perhaps my favourite book, and certainly one of the ones I have read most often. The first season of "Good Omens" is likewise really solid; about as good an adaptation as is at all possible for the material. The second season, "Good Omens 2" is likewise good, though not as good, but leaves the series in a really good place for a stellar third season.

Instead, we get a single 100-minute episode to wrap up the story. The reason for this is nothing at all to do with the cast, the crew, the funding, or anything like that - it's all entirely down Neil Gaiman and his well-publicised issues.

Which is really unfortunate, because it has utterly destroyed this final episode. There's a load of good material here, and the interplay between the main two characters remains the highlight of the show. But it's all far too truncated, with ideas being thrown onto the screen and then rushed through, time and again. And it doesn't help that the while thing is inevitably marred by the off-screen stuff.

The consequence is that this is probably as good a finale for the series as was possible... but it leaves me wishing that they'd just stopped after the first season.

So:

• If you've watched the first two seasons, you'll probably want to watch this to see how it ends up. Try to temper your expectations.
• If you've only watched the first season, or you're just starting, I'd recommend stopping after the first season. Sadly.
• If you haven't watched any of it, I'd be inclined to stay away. But maybe that's just me. In any case, I wouldn't watch beyond the first season.

All of which is a sad way to end things.

About "The Worst Witch"

My record of books read today adds "The Worst Witch Saves the Day", which is the fifth book in that series. I have not previously recorded the previous volumes. So, what's going on?

The answer to that is that each night for the last several years I read to one or both of Funsize and Surprise!. The plan was that Funsize and I would finish the "Harry Potter" series and then LC and I would switch, and I'd read to Surprise! while she read to Funsize. It seemed like a good idea, but has met with a certain amount of resistance.

Anyway, in addition to my reading to Funsize, for a while we had an arrangement where she read to me - a few pages a day, which quickly builds up. We seem to have moved beyond that, as she's now reading more and more books at school so doesn't need the practice in the same way.

The first such book she read was "The Worst Witch", which was then followed by "The Worst Witch Strikes Again", and then "A Bad Spell for the Worst Witch". She then started the fourth book in the series, "The Worst Witch All at Sea" before we completed "Harry Potter", and I then finished it off.

We've now started book six, "The Worst Witch to the Rescue", and will no doubt complete the sequence at some point. Meanwhile, Surprise! and I are most of the way through the "Thomas the Tank Engine" stories, which are fun to revisit, after which I think we'll be tackling "Winnie the Pooh".

#15: "The Worst Witch Saves the Day", by Jill Murphy (a book for Funsize)