Brocolli!

I have a new nemesis, which is probably a good thing since the others were becoming worn-out through overuse - a bit like the Borg, really.

Anyway, there are certain foodstuffs that I have to avoid, or tread carefully around. Dominos pizza, for example, or at least the stuffed-crust variety, always causes me problems, as does deep-fried chicken. (Conversely, Shredded Wheat, although deeply unpleasant to eat, does me considerable good.) But, in both cases, it's really obvious that I shouldn't be eating those things anyway - they're hugely and obviously bad for you. Frankly, complaining about that would be like complaining that a diet entirely from McDonalds or composed of deep-fried Mars bars wasn't the best.

But brocolli is supposed to be healthy. I mean, it's even green, and as we know no foodstuff that is green could possibly be bad for you - clearly, the horrendous taste of such things is inversely proportionate to its life-giving qualities. (Plus, it has the electrolytes that plants crave!)

Not so much, it turns out. It seems brocolli is a traitor veg, lying in wait to pounce on the unwary eater and leave them feeling rotten for days afterwards.

And so now I find myself paranoid, at any time expecting an attack by my foul new nemesis. Which probably explains the strange looks I was receiving in Tesco last night. But, frankly, it's justified: vegetables are masters of stealth - have you ever seen one attacking?

No, I thought not.