The Wall

So, Saturday...

Woke up early, hastily made ready, walked the dog, and piled into the car for a long journey down South. We made good time, as is to be expected at that time in the morning.

Stopped at Burger King for lunch. We later discovered that the rest of our party, having been lazy in the morning, actually passed us while we ate. Oh yes, we had made up a three-hour time difference in the morning.

About 3, shortly before we arrived, I hit The Wall. Suddenly, I was extremely tired. This is not the best of conditions to be in when driving. Fortunately, there was a variety of music to keep me going, first "Team America" (America... America...), then the dulcet tones of Black Lace (apparently, dancing to Agadoo is something best left to the passangers. Who knew?), and finally "Silly Songs With Larry" (the "Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" trio didn't quite work - Bonnie had to sing Mister Lunt's part, and she's a dog).

Anyway, we arrived, checked into the Bed & Breakfast, unpacked, and then headed over to the family gathering. Shortly thereafter, we departed the family gathering, returned to the Bed & Breakfast, had dinner, and made ready for the party.

By this point, I was rallying somewhat. I had reached the point where my psyche had fractured into two, the part that was becoming increasingly impatient as the wait for the food to arrive went on (and on, and on), and the more rational part that tried to calm the other by pointing out that getting annoyed wouldn't actually make things go any faster.

And then, to the party!

The party mostly consisted of talking to a variety of cousins, significant others, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and various other family members.

Of particular note:

• Fame at last! During my uncle's speech thanking everyone for coming, he referenced my blog post about ironing. Huzzah! Of course, I have now referenced his speech, referencing my blog in my blog, which is all starting to get a bit mind-bending. All we will need is for him to reference this blog post in another speech, ideally mentioning that it referenced his speech referencing a previous post, and heads may explode. Something to look forward to, there.
• The DJ elected to fill the evening with a variety of interpretive dances, firstly to Abba, and then to Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". Truly, it was a wonder to behold. Indeed, so silly was it, that I thought perhaps I might be hallucinating. However, Chris was on hand to inform me that it was, in fact, real. (But then, if you think you might be hallucinating, how can you trust the word of someone who might themselves be an hallucination? Luckily, Albert Einstein was also there to inform me that this was not the case.) I was going to take a picture, or even a video, of this for your enjoyment, but I don't actually own a camera. Instead, I considered doing a series of stick-figure drawings (which you could print out and then riffle to create a poor-man's animation effect), but I have since decided I can't draw.
• Chris and Cousin RJ have asked me to pipe at their wedding (I wasn't actually going to mention this, but Chris has alluded to it in an earlier comment, so it seems it is now fair game). I had half expected that this might occur, and so had prepared a response in advance. Although, to be honest, I'm not sure, "yes" required too much preparation.

And then, at about 9, I hit The Wall again. I had thought there was only one, but no! It turns out that there is an ever-expanding corridor just full of walls for people to hit. Still, I manfully carried on until it was beyond midnight, and my lift back to the B&B was giving up for the night. Because, you know, it is important that it wasn't me who had to leave.

One final incident: As I returned to the B&B, there were a trio of folk standing outside having a smoke (England having ripped off Scotland's smoking ban, having decided it was a good idea). There were two men, one slightly older than the other, and a somewhat attractive blonde woman.

Anyway, as I approached, the younger of the two men decided that it would be hilarious to mock the Scotsman by loudly enquiring, "Why would anyone wear a kilt?" Naturally, such a cruel and unwarranted attack would have devastated me, save for one thing.

While he was talking, I caught the eye of the somewhat attractive blonde woman (who might potentially have been with the younger guy, or might not). She proceeded to flash me a rather suggestive smile.

I believe that's one-nil to me.

And that was Saturday.