Wednesday, August 08, 2012

My Life as a Mad Genius

At the weekend, Lady Chocolat found ourselves on the topic of deep-fried Mars bars. Who can say what manner of bizarre conversationing took us to this pass.

Anyway, LC noted that were we do cook DFMBs, it would be best to get the inaptly-named "fun size" ones, so that it would be possible to eat an entire bar. The thinking being that of course full size Mars bars are entirely impossible to eat.

At which point I was able to deploy one of the great secrets I have learned: the way to eat a Mars bar!

Some years ago, I became keenly aware of the difficulties inherent in eating an entire Mars bar. Frankly, they're too much effort. But, at the same time, I refuse to dignify "fun size" Mars bars as anything other than a cruel trick played on children. (I mean, seriously, who thinks it's fun to get less chocolate?) And so, a solution had to be found.

Being a mad genius, not to mention an engineer (and thus a compulsive problem-solver), I naturally spent an age pondering the issue. Why were Mars bars so hard to eat? Could they be made easier to eat, perhaps with the application of a carefully-thought out algorithm?

Finally, late one night, the answer came to me! The way to successfully eat a Mars bar is upside down*! See, the reason for the difficulty is that when you eat one the right way up, you're biting first through the chewy toffee and then into the soft caramel. This means that you're having to go to some effort to take a meaningful bite. If, however, you eat the bar upside down, you are instead biting down through the soft caramel, followed by the chewy toffee. It's just a much easier process.

* Incidentally, because someone managed to misunderstand me when I told them this (no, really!), you turn the Mars bar upside down. You don't need to be standing on your head!

Nobody ever believes me when I tell them this. Worse, they most often refuse even to test my theory, and thus discover that it actually is correct. (Seriously, it is - if you don't believe me, just try it.) Instead, they prefer to just laugh at the silliness of thinking that it (a) might make any real difference, or (b) that I actually spent time thinking about it.

Fortunately, I get to console myself with Mars bars. But it's a hard life being me.


Kezzie said...

I have no trouble whatsoever, consuming an entire Marsbar, even Kingsize. However, I am willing to give this a try should one pass my way! Not, however, a DFM though!

Captain Ric said...

I eat mars bars upside down.