Throwing us off the scent

My recent surfing has taken me to another blog, in the comments of which a number of women were lamenting the loss of socks to their washing machines (the blog wasn't about said loss of socks; this was merely a tangent). Anyway, I felt that this was a cruel trick for the so-called fairer sex to attempt to play upon us humble menfolk.

See, I have discovered the truth of the lost socks!

In days of yore, my washing was done by my mother. In those heady days of youth, the loss of a sock was an event so common as to be unworthy of comment. After Mum went back to work (still many years ago), there was a time when my sister did the washing in the house (I was responsible for dusting - it wasn't a sexist thing, merely division of labour). In those days, the loss of a sock was likewise an event of great frequency.

Some time later, Claire determined that she was too busy continue to do the washing. At that point, and in all the days since, I have washed my own socks. In all the days since, I have never lost a single sock... (I thought I'd lost one once, but it turned out I'd just dropped it.)

This led me to question to accepted wisdom that it was the washing machine that ate socks. Clearly, if this were the case, then socks would be eaten regardless of who was doing the washing.

But if the washing machine wasn't eating the socks, then who was? A mystery indeed.

Naturally, I engaged in a little detective work. As we know, in order to commit a crime, you need means, motive and opportunity. Seeing means and opportunity was simple enough, but what was the motive?

Well, all became clear a little later, when it occurred to me that the classic gift, given by all mothers to their sons, by all wives to their husbands, and so on, for every event at which gifts must be given, is socks!

Suddenly, it all made sense. Unable to think of gifts for their husbands, some women adopted the policy of eating socks, gaining both a rather strange meal and also gift-giving opportunities. The practice is passed from mother to daughter, and is widespread today.

I can only believe those comments about lost socks were really just a bid to throw us off the scent. The other possibility is too horrible to contemplate.