Spoiling for a fight

I almost quit the band again on Thursday. The problems there continue as they have been, with the band not being significantly better than it was in November, and that being 'not good enough'. It would appear that the Pipe Major is losing interest, or it's possible that he has other priorities at the moment, but either way, the band is in the hands of this other instructor (the guy who just doesn't like me).

Anyway, on Thursday I finally got sick of his end-of-practice rants about the quality of the band. They do nothing to encourage people to improve, and serve only to drive people away. Further, we had that at the BB band, and the net result there, as it will be here, is that the band very slowly collapsed. Whatever, I determined I couldn't stay and listen to this any further. I'd rather spend my time doing something I actually enjoy.

But over the weekend, my position softened somewhat. Instead, I determined to speak up at last night's practice, and try to persuade the Pipe Major that a new approach was required (he's usually at the Monday practices). I might even be able to persuade them that the end-of-practice rants had to go. I had it all worked out...

and, of course, the Pipe Major wasn't at the practice last night. So, that plan goes on the back burner, and it becomes a matter of waiting for the next opportunity.

But there's more!

The instructor decided last night to go through Wings again. One of his pupils has just finished learning it, so we need to integrate his play into the band as a whole. This is a good thing. Each person round the table plays the first part in turn, as we do (it's actually a poor learning technique, but never mind). My turn comes, and I play the tune.

And, again, the instructor goes into this big rambling monologue about my play. Apparently, this time, I'm to try to "put some music into it." Which leads me to question just what I've been doing.

As he's wittering on, I'm counting very slowly to ten. I very carefully ignore what he's saying, since it's irrelevant blather anyway. And, almost miraculously, I manage "okay" when he finally drags to a halt, when what I really want to say should not be repeated here.

The second part rolls round, and I play it. At this point, I'm really hoping he'll say something, anything about it. Because I've made the deal with myself - one word, and I'm out the door.

"That's fine," he says. Damnit!

Still, I'm spoiling for a fight at this stage. So, I determine to wait until his end-of-practice rant, so I can launch into "You know, it's amazing you have a band left, the way you tell everyone their play is 'seriously shite' at every practice."

This, of course, leads directly to him forgoing the end-of-practice rant for a change. Gah!

The most frustrating thing about all of this is that I can see exactly where the band is going wrong, and I can see exactly what is required to fix the problems. I can see these things basically because I've seen this before in previous bands, and because I've fixed these problems before in previous bands. Unlike in previous bands, however, I'm not in a position to actually implement the fixes in this case. (And, frankly, I don't want to be. I'm sick and tired of being the guy who has to carry the band, and I'm sick and tired of carrying the responsibility. It's all just too tiring.)

I guess it really is time to just quit.