Chores

Had a bit of an interesting discussion yesterday about making the bed.

As I'm sure I've mentioned before, probably in the context of Christmas, I tend to divide tasks rather messily into three groups:

1. Tasks that you actually enjoy. Obviously, the list of such tasks will differ from person to person, but basically if there's something you enjoy doing then go for it!
   
2. Tasks that you don't enjoy but which are necessary. In which case you should optimise them so as to get them done and move on to something more enjoyable.
   
3. Tasks that you don't enjoy and which don't need done. In which case, why are you bothering? Nobody who has your interests at heart will judge you for not ironing the dog's blanket.

(I should note that the second category includes tasks that aren't necessary but which represent a price worth paying for something else you do want. For instance, when LC and I repainted our main bedroom that was something that didn't need done, represented a task we didn't enjoy, but was the price worth paying to have a bedroom that more suited us.)

I should also note that 'optimise' is not code for "do a half-assed job". In general, it's better to do a good job once than to have to do the job again because it wasn't done right the first time.

One thing I really hate is "make work" tasks - either tasks that 'must' be done, not because they're actually necessary but because someone has decided that this is the thing; or tasks that do need to be done, but where someone has decided they must be done this way and not that way. (Someone in this context is probably a matter of tradition, some habit passed down through the generations, or peer pressure. Very often you actually can't identify the specific person who originated it, but "it is known".)

Which brings me to the question of making the bed.

Making the bed is not a task that I enjoy. Nor indeed is it something that is actually necessary - when the evening comes you're going to get back in the bed, thus immediately un-making it. It's purely an aesthetic matter, and one for a room that most people are never going to see.

That said, making the bed is also a very small task, and one that serves as a payment for having a slightly neater bedroom, and that I do find somewhat satisfying. For that reason, it's a price I consider worth paying, and so it's a task I'll generally do (unless LC beats me to it, of course).

So far, so good.

But here's the question: should I, given what I've said above about necessary and unnecessary tasks, and given my aversion to "make work" tasks, proceed to teach Funsize that she should make her bed? (This is, of course, entirely theoretical at this stage. Funsize isn't yet at an age we'd even consider assigning her chores.)

At this point I'm also going to note that this is not just some silly, obscure philosophical point. Our society goes to significant lengths to load people (and especially women) down with imaginary obligations. I'm not sure of the motivation by all of it, though an awful lot seems to be about parting people from their money.

But the problem is that the time spent ironing your dog's blanket is time that you're not spending doing things of more value - whether that's time spent working on a career, time spent out enjoying yourself, or indeed nothing at all. By loading people up with imaginary obligations, you're either preventing them being more successful elsewhere or you're leading them to becoming increasingly stressed and overwrought by the 'needs' of life.

The upshot of that is that one of my roles, as the father of a daughter, is to teach her the discernment to understand the nature of these imaginary obligations and the pointless "make work" tasks they generate, and thus empower her to choose to opt out of them if she so chooses. That is, if Funsize decides to make the bed, it should be because she wants to, and not out of some imagined social obligation. Conversely, if she wants to use that time for something of more value to her, that's all to the good as well.

And yet...

Obviously, in order to choose to make the bed or not, she needs to know how to make the bed. And another of my roles is to equip my children with the skills that they'll need in order to make their way through life. In other words, I do have an obligation to teach Funsize how to make the bed, and indeed to reinforce that lesson through practice.

(And, actually, there's some value in teaching routines of that sort and teaching the attention to detail needed to do the job well. Diligence in the small things in life inculcates habits that lead to diligence in more serious matters, which is worthwhile learning on its own merits.)

The upshot of that, I think, is that the answer is that, yes, at the appropriate time we should teach Funsize that she needs to make her bed, and to do it to an appropriate standard. However, at some time beyond that there will also be a need to discuss why, and then let her stop... or not.