Not Coping

Fair warning: what follows is just a moan. There's no happy conclusion, nor is there a book listed at the end of the post. So maybe look away? I'm also well aware that this one is somewhat lacking in perspective. But it's my blog, so sometimes I'm going to post about me.

It's fair to say that I'm not coping with this new lockdown at all well. Whereas last time it at least happened just as we hit the Easter holidays, and also just as the weather turned really nice, this one suffers from lots of short days, dark nights, and pretty dire weather.

Additionally, I'm finding the closure of just about everything really hard to take. Not that I'd be inclined to go many places anyway... but there's a difference between choosing to not go somewhere and having nowhere to go in the first place.

Mostly, though, it's just the slog of routine that sucks - work all day, then deal with my list of tasks in the evening, then do it all again. And then at the weekend don't really do anything.

I'm missing people, both in the general and the specific. Basically, the third most meaningful relationship I've had in the "real world" this year has been with the checkout assistant at Tesco this week. And while she was perfectly nice, and somewhat amusing on the topic of the Christmas playlist, it's not really right.

I fin myself intensely frustrated by the lack of information - when will this end, and how will things look when that happens? When can I expect to receive the vaccine? And so on. And yet, I'm also well aware that the powers that be shouldn't be giving out that information. It's better they stay quiet until they have solid answers, because it's much better to under-promise and over-deliver.

Actually, that more or less sums up the situation entirely - much as I don't like it, they're mostly doing the right things now. It's right that I'm at the bottom of the queue for getting the vaccine, it's right that I should be avoiding people as much as possible.

And, as I said up top, relatively speaking we're almost certainly doing better than almost everyone, and much better than a great many people. I'm aware I should really be counting blessings rather than just moaning.

But that doesn't really help. Moaning into the void does, perhaps surprisingly. Though more than anything, what I really need is a problem that I can actually solve (and that will stay solved).

Anyway, if you've made it thus far, I commend your forbearance. Normal service will return soon. I hope.