Funny Thing...

Over the few days I have received a couple of emails titled "Royal Mail has your parcel from YOUR ONLINE RETAILER", complete with the mail's trade dress and a bunch of dodgy-looking links for tracking purposes.

So, naturally, I thought to myself, "obvious scam is obvious", not least because I couldn't think of any parcel I was expecting. So I deleted them without going near the links.

Today the postman rang the bell and gave me my parcel. It turned out to be some coffee that I was getting as a freebie after ordering something else entirely.

A matter of trust...

Behold, I have finally escaped the Post Office!

Actually, it went reasonably well, except when I tried to explain what I wanted to do:

Me: "I would like to use one of these 'Moneygram' transfers, please."
Assistant: "Okay."
Me: "The recipient should get $3,000, whatever that works out to. And if there are any fees, I want to pay them at this end."
Assistant: *blinks* "So, how much do you want to send in money... er, pounds?"

At this point, I explained the concept of exchange rates, and how different places sometimes apply different rates, so they would have to work that out for me.

It was slightly amusing when she asked how I intended to pay the eventual bill (of just over £1,800), to which I replied, "cash".

To be honest, I was more than a little relieved to complete this task - it has not been fun carrying around that sort of money. On the other hand, it was quite cool walking around with that sort of money. And also, I hadn't actually handled a £100 note in the flesh before. That was quite cool.

I'm also not sure whether to be flattered or intimidated by the notion that my friend was willing to trust me with that sort of money.

Where's Postman Pat when you need him?

(Technically, I suppose it should be Mrs Goggins, but I thought that reference might be too subtle.)

Every so often, the news have a feature on the Royal Mail closing some number of Post Offices. This is invariably presented as a bad thing: how can they take our post office away from us? Oh, the humanity!

Here's the thing: the post office is rubbish.

Until the DVLA went online, I had to visit the post office once a year, in order to get a new tax disc for my car. And every year it was the same: they were only open a certain times, which they advertised poorly, many branches didn't have the service I actually wanted (and tax discs are hardly an unusual request, are they?), there were long queues moving very slowly, and the assistants were bored, uninterested, and moved very slowly themselves.

Fortunately, the DVLA went online, and I now get my tax disc without venturing to the post office.

A couple of years ago, I also had to go to the post office to get a new passport. In this case, the process was actually pretty good (credit where it's due, and all that). I knew I had to go to a major branch, so I did, I wasn't currently working, so I was able to go at a time I was sure they'd be open, and the queue actually moved! Plus, they actually did manage to deal with my request in under an eon, and on the first visit. (I can only assume that bad service is the penalty you pay for having the temerity to actually work for a living - I've found that many things in this country just work much better if you don't.)

Anyway, this week I find myself having to go to the post office to run a rather important errand for a friend. One I am uniquely suited to running by virtue of actually having photo ID (he doesn't, as he doesn't drive, and didn't want to risk dying of old age in the attempt to get a passport).

So, first, I went to the local post office yesterday, between the opening and closing times listed on the web-site... and found that it was closed due to an unannounced holiday. Good, that.

So, today, I went back, between the opening and closing times listed on the web-site... and found that that branch doesn't actually offer the service I wanted to use, despite this service being available "at any post office". Apparently, I have to go to one of the main branches.

And so, for my next trick I'm going to cut short my lunch, and go mid-afternoon to this alleged main branch. I'm wondering what outrageous circumstance will lead to my downfall this time?

A new low

When the post arrived this morning, it included several items that I had been waiting for. This was a good thing, since all I had received all week was a pile of junk mail (which I took reasonable pleasure in feeding to the shredder, but which was still annoying).

Except of course that, this being Sunday, this wasn't the mail delivery this week, but rather my neighbours re-delivering the pile of things that had been sent to the wrong address. Score one for Royal Mail!

But the best item of the lot was a card reading "Sorry, you were out" (which I was), "the packet was too big for your letterbox". Unfortunately, I know the item in question, it being a monthly delivery, and it is not too big for my letterbox. If they'd delivered it to the right address, I would have it by now, and not be set up for another exciting opportunity to pay £1.70 for 7 minutes of parking again.

Yay!

£1.50 for seven minutes of parking?

It frequently seems like many of the services that exist in this world are specifically designed so that people who work can't take advantage of them. Need your gas meter read? Well, the guy only works 9-5 on weekdays. Need to visit the doctor or dentist? Well,they're open 9-5 on weekdays (maybe).

And then there's the postal service. Now, these guys are fine, provided you're only ever receiving junk mail and bank statements. However, the moment you need to have a parcel delivered... you get a little card saying "Sorry, you were out", as if that comes as a surprise to them. (Perhaps it does - I've noticed that the delivery is getting later and later in the day.)

Still, that would be fine. All you have to do is go and pick it up at the collection centre, which is only a couple of miles away. And which is only open... Actually, that's not true. It opens at 7:30 and stays open until lunchtime, six days a week. So, it's a hassle to go during the week, but it is possible. And it's also possible to go on a Saturday, which is nice.

Or it would be, if there were any parking nearby. But no! There are various supermarkets around, but they are for customers only, and you can't get out without either buying something or paying for the parking. And then there are the pay-and-display car parks.

So, I went to one of those, intending to pay for the smallest possible length of time, get in, and get out again. Of course, the smallest possible length of time is 2 hours, at a cost of £1.50, and the total length of time it took me to get my parcel was seven minutes. (Of course, the pay and display charges start at exactly the same time as the collection centre opens. Anything else wouldn't be sporting.)

I'm not terribly happy about that. I'm just hoping that the parcel with the other half of my delivery is thin enough to fit through my door.