Expanding the Crusade

Last night I was explaining to someone that I'd decided to expand my two-fold crusade to include a mandate to "banish ITV from TV-land", only to realise that I'd never actually explained my two-fold crusade to anyone (except Richard and Leigh, who were there when I first announced the crusade).

Anyway, the goals of my now-three-fold crusade are as follows:

1) To eat lots of biscuits
2) To complain about cleaning products being of every colour of the rainbow
3) To banish ITV from TV-land.

My progress to date has been minimal.

Clearly, the goal of eating lots of biscuits is a noble and sensible one. Biscuits represent a great threat to mankind's continued supremacy on the planet, and therefore must be stamped out. Unfortunately, my progress in this area is hampered by (1) Having had to go on a diet (ick!) and (2) Having had to give up Penguins because the largest packet available has 27 biscuits in it, which puts the eater at risk of accidentally only eating one biscuit, getting a unique joke, and unravelling the universe.

Now, cleaning products. Despite the fact that there exist only ten distinct colours, three of which are black, various companies still insist on providing their cleaning products in every hue. Do we really need blue washing-up liquid? Green bleach? Orange surface cleaner? (Orange, of course, just being yellow that has ideas above its station)

I say no! Therefore, I have made it one of my missions in life to moan about this fact to any poor fool who is silly enough to listen. Including you, dear reader. (In fact, having now complained, that should suffice to complete that ambition. Yay for me!)

And then there's the delights of ITV. Thus far this year, they have shown exactly two things worth watching: the new Sharpe (a BBC America production, no less!), and the World Cup. Their World Cup coverage is actively bad; it's just a shame that the BBC aren't showing all of the matches (or even Sky). In truth, they also have some Champions' League matches, but again, their coverage sucks and should be moved to another channel.

Apart from these few things, they show an endless diet of bad soaps, talentless shows, and other such nonsense. In fact, I was shocked that during the World Cup they haven't tried to introduce a scheme whereby voters can text in to say which teams they want to go forward. Frankly, that strikes me as a far more democratic and egalitarian scheme than basing such decisions on trivial things like talent.

And so, there it is, my three-fold crusade.