Apparently, this is my 100th post on this blog. And what better way to spend it than in poking fun at David Hasslehoff?
Apparently, he recently visited the set of Baywatch on Malibu Beach, which has now become a tourist attraction. Upon entering, the attendant failed to recognise him, and charged him the same $7 entrance fee everyone else pays.
That news really made my day, which just goes to show what manner of day I've had.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Not funny
In case you were unsure, when someone tells a really bad joke in public (such as the "write off" jape in my post below about the lost pen), there are three polite ways to respond:
1) Laugh politely or, indeed, with gusto.
2) Groan, and comment on how bad the joke was. This shows that you acknowledge the joke, and believe it worthy of recognition, if nothing else.
3) Ignore the joke. This has the disadvantage that the person may feel the need to tell it again, just to make sure you heard it. (By the way, I still haven't found my pen...)
Although you may be tempted to do so, it is not considered polite to threaten the teller with death should he dare to tell the joke again. As, indeed, Graeme saw fit to do over my wondering "squirrel ballet" jest of the weekend before last.
Fortunately, I laugh in the face of danger, and tweak the nipples of terror. Therefore, let me enlighten you to the punchline of my quip: "It was the Nutcracker Suite". The rest is context; you really had to be there.
1) Laugh politely or, indeed, with gusto.
2) Groan, and comment on how bad the joke was. This shows that you acknowledge the joke, and believe it worthy of recognition, if nothing else.
3) Ignore the joke. This has the disadvantage that the person may feel the need to tell it again, just to make sure you heard it. (By the way, I still haven't found my pen...)
Although you may be tempted to do so, it is not considered polite to threaten the teller with death should he dare to tell the joke again. As, indeed, Graeme saw fit to do over my wondering "squirrel ballet" jest of the weekend before last.
Fortunately, I laugh in the face of danger, and tweak the nipples of terror. Therefore, let me enlighten you to the punchline of my quip: "It was the Nutcracker Suite". The rest is context; you really had to be there.
Excuse me? Your agenda's showing.
I'm currently reading "The Science of Discworld III", which is about evolution (it's kind of a science-lite book for people who like the Discworld). In the first two books in the series, I recall having the impression that the authors of the science-y part of the book were distinctly atheist in outlook but that they were trying really hard to provide an objective commentary.
In the third book, I'm quite certain that they are atheists, look down somewhat on those of us who maintain such quaint notions as the belief in the existence of God, and are trying, but failing, to hide their prejudices. Which is unfortunate, since evolution is a fascinating subject, and the debate about it is really quite interesting. However, it is sadly ruined by a lot of muddled thinking on the parts of just about everyone in the debate, which makes any sensible discourse impossible.
Oh well.
The truth is, I have no interest in debating the existence of God. It cannot be proven (or disproven) by science, which means that the matter comes down to faith; you believe or you do not. The believer might choose to demonstrate the existence of God by pointing out the incredible richness of the universe; the sceptic can equally point out that it is entirely possible that this all came about by chance. (Some Christians have tried to provide a 'scientific' probability of the universe spontaneously forming. The odds are apparently 1 in a Very Big Number. Sadly, this just shows more muddled thinking, since (a) not all of the odds required in the calculation are even known, so the VBN is at best hideously inaccurate, (b) we don't know how many times the atoms in the universe have been scattered, which may not be 1, which makes the probability impossible to determine, and (c) in any event, unless the odds work out to exactly 0, all you've proven is that the universe was very lucky, not that it couldn't have happened.)
What's rather more interesting is a debate about the consequences of the existence or non-existence of God. However, that's a debate for another time.
I always cringe inwardly when science is brought up in church, generally to back some point made in a sermon. Usually, the science is referenced by people who don't understand it, and they invariably get it wrong. Which is a wonderful way to destroy the credibility of the point you're trying to make - if you back it up with idiotic science, that then implies that perhaps the rest of what you're saying is equally idiotic.
It seems I must now cringe inwardly whenever scientists (who are also sceptics) start discussing the existence or non-existence of God. It seems they are just as blinkered and foolish.
In the meantime, I'll take comfort in knowing that I can just about converse on either subject without routinely making idiotic mistakes.
(Oh, since I'm on the subject, about Creationism in American schools. I'll just say that Creationism most definately has a place in the American school system... in a philosophy class. It most assuredly is not science, and has no business being taught in a science class.)
In the third book, I'm quite certain that they are atheists, look down somewhat on those of us who maintain such quaint notions as the belief in the existence of God, and are trying, but failing, to hide their prejudices. Which is unfortunate, since evolution is a fascinating subject, and the debate about it is really quite interesting. However, it is sadly ruined by a lot of muddled thinking on the parts of just about everyone in the debate, which makes any sensible discourse impossible.
Oh well.
The truth is, I have no interest in debating the existence of God. It cannot be proven (or disproven) by science, which means that the matter comes down to faith; you believe or you do not. The believer might choose to demonstrate the existence of God by pointing out the incredible richness of the universe; the sceptic can equally point out that it is entirely possible that this all came about by chance. (Some Christians have tried to provide a 'scientific' probability of the universe spontaneously forming. The odds are apparently 1 in a Very Big Number. Sadly, this just shows more muddled thinking, since (a) not all of the odds required in the calculation are even known, so the VBN is at best hideously inaccurate, (b) we don't know how many times the atoms in the universe have been scattered, which may not be 1, which makes the probability impossible to determine, and (c) in any event, unless the odds work out to exactly 0, all you've proven is that the universe was very lucky, not that it couldn't have happened.)
What's rather more interesting is a debate about the consequences of the existence or non-existence of God. However, that's a debate for another time.
I always cringe inwardly when science is brought up in church, generally to back some point made in a sermon. Usually, the science is referenced by people who don't understand it, and they invariably get it wrong. Which is a wonderful way to destroy the credibility of the point you're trying to make - if you back it up with idiotic science, that then implies that perhaps the rest of what you're saying is equally idiotic.
It seems I must now cringe inwardly whenever scientists (who are also sceptics) start discussing the existence or non-existence of God. It seems they are just as blinkered and foolish.
In the meantime, I'll take comfort in knowing that I can just about converse on either subject without routinely making idiotic mistakes.
(Oh, since I'm on the subject, about Creationism in American schools. I'll just say that Creationism most definately has a place in the American school system... in a philosophy class. It most assuredly is not science, and has no business being taught in a science class.)
Drinking Blood (Oranges, that is)
As we all know, the full list of all 'real' colours is as follows: black, black, black, red, blue, green, yellow, purple, brown and white. Specifically, orange is merely yellow with ideas above its station. It wants to be red, but doesn't have the courage to go all the way.
Consequently, it's somewhat disturbing drinking orange juice that is, in fact, red. It's almost like drinking tomato juice but pleasant, and that's a bit odd. What's more, since this is the yellow that has achieved its goal of becoming red, doesn't this make the source the most dangerous and badass of oranges? If so, am I not taking my life in my hands, something best done after the morning shower rather than before?
Still, I've now achieved my goal of reaching one portion of fruit for the day.
This post doesn't really have any point. However, I haven't posted for a while, and am working on a rant about pants, so thought it would be wise to get the world ready before unleashing my explosive vitriol.
Consequently, it's somewhat disturbing drinking orange juice that is, in fact, red. It's almost like drinking tomato juice but pleasant, and that's a bit odd. What's more, since this is the yellow that has achieved its goal of becoming red, doesn't this make the source the most dangerous and badass of oranges? If so, am I not taking my life in my hands, something best done after the morning shower rather than before?
Still, I've now achieved my goal of reaching one portion of fruit for the day.
This post doesn't really have any point. However, I haven't posted for a while, and am working on a rant about pants, so thought it would be wise to get the world ready before unleashing my explosive vitriol.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Lost Pen - The Mystery Deepens...
I haven't yet found my missing pen. I suspect it might be a write-off.
However, the mystery surrounding my replacement pen has deepened considerably. Initially, I was under the impression I was given it at my Ada training course. However, yesterday I had to fill in a stupid questionairre at home, and the pen I used was definately the one I got at that course (It had the name of the organisers on it).
Which leads to a new mystery - where did I get the Millward Brown pen? The truth is, I just don't know. Millward Brown are, apparently, consultants who help companies build strong brands... but I'm neither a company nor do I have my own brand (wouldn't that be cool, though?). So, I don't recall ever dealing with them.
There is also a correction to the origin story of the missing pen. Apparently, the souvenir my sister got me was a twisty pen with the stars 'n' stripes on it. The missing South Carolina pen was, instead, the souvenir my mother got me when she came back after having visited said sister in the States (specifically, one of the Carolinas - if only there were some clue as to which...). This has no bearing on anything - but details are important.
However, the mystery surrounding my replacement pen has deepened considerably. Initially, I was under the impression I was given it at my Ada training course. However, yesterday I had to fill in a stupid questionairre at home, and the pen I used was definately the one I got at that course (It had the name of the organisers on it).
Which leads to a new mystery - where did I get the Millward Brown pen? The truth is, I just don't know. Millward Brown are, apparently, consultants who help companies build strong brands... but I'm neither a company nor do I have my own brand (wouldn't that be cool, though?). So, I don't recall ever dealing with them.
There is also a correction to the origin story of the missing pen. Apparently, the souvenir my sister got me was a twisty pen with the stars 'n' stripes on it. The missing South Carolina pen was, instead, the souvenir my mother got me when she came back after having visited said sister in the States (specifically, one of the Carolinas - if only there were some clue as to which...). This has no bearing on anything - but details are important.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
In which I eat statistics for breakfast
Clearly, the best complement to a nice bowl of Crunchy Nut Corn Flakes is a lively debate about probability. Allow me to explain...
The weekend just passed included my father's 60th birthday. Consequently, the family all went away together for the weekend. A good time was had by most.
Over the weekend, Richard had been "playing" Clock Solitaire. I say "playing" because it's actually a purely mechanical "game" with no skill at all - the cards are randomly shuffled, and if the random sequence is just right you "win". Otherwise, you "lose". There are no choices, and hence no ability to alter the outcome.
In case you aren't familiar with this fun and exciting way to pick up playing cards in random order, here are the rules:
Shuffle the cards well. Then, deal them into thirteen piles, with one at each of the positions associated with the faces of a clock (1 to 12), and the thirteenth at the centre. Then, pick up the top card in the central pile. Place this, face up, by the pile corresponding to the value on the card (with Jack = 11, Queen = 12 and King = Centre). Then turn over the top card on that pile, and repeat.
You lose if you find you can't pick up any more cards. Since each pile has four cards (except the centre), and there are four cards of each value, you lose if the fourth King comes out before the other cards are done.
On Sunday over breakfast, we discussed the following crucial question: what are the odds of winning?
The answer is 1 in 13. Proving it is really quite difficult, and beyond the scope of this blog. The short version is that you have a sequence of 52 cards, and win if and only if the last card in sequence is a King. There are 4 Kings, so the odds are 4 in 52, or 1 in 13. The difficult part of the proof comes with the "and only if" part of the statement above - one of the scenarios we postulated suggested having the '5' and '7' piles pointing to each others, and proving that that cannot happen while the King is also last in sequence is tricky.
The debate was held between myself, Richard, and our father. So, for those who are keeping score, that's two Maths/Computing graduates and a university lecturer in Maths. We got as far as our "problem scenario" before being distracted by another burning issue of the day (I think it was fruit & veg). I Googled for the rest.
Probably the most interesting thing about the debate was not the debate itself, but rather the reactions of those who were observing. We had two observers, one a primary school teacher and the other a student nurse (one of whom has objected to being identified here in the past, so they shall remain nameless). Neither has a particularly mathematical background. That's not an insult, nor a value judgement, merely a statement of fact.
Anyway, the reactions ranged from puzzlement, to a sentiment of "why can't we just play the game, like normal people?", to some mild hostility to so complex a subject before the first meal of the day.
I must say, I find such reactions interesting, although not surprising - I've encountered them before. The fact is, maths, computing and probability are all hard, complex subjects, and many of the conclusions one comes to are counter-intuitive. The simple fact is that without a certain amount of grounding in the subject it is simply not possible to understand some of the problems involved, never mind the solutions to those problems (the Clock Solitaire problem isn't one of the ones that the layman can't understand, of course). And, when confronted with a topic that they don't understand, people are going to react in a less than enthusiastic manner.
To briefly tackle the "why can't you just play the game" question, I should point out that there is no real game to Clock Solitaire. Once the cards are dealt, that's it. And, since the dealing of cards is random, the "game" amounts to just wasting time. Which sounds absolutely thrilling.
However, the question of what are the odds of success? Well, that represents an unknown, a mystery. What's more, unlike "Lost", it is a mystery with a definitive answer, and established means of working our that answer. And isn't that worth discussing? Personally, I found it fascinating.
The weekend just passed included my father's 60th birthday. Consequently, the family all went away together for the weekend. A good time was had by most.
Over the weekend, Richard had been "playing" Clock Solitaire. I say "playing" because it's actually a purely mechanical "game" with no skill at all - the cards are randomly shuffled, and if the random sequence is just right you "win". Otherwise, you "lose". There are no choices, and hence no ability to alter the outcome.
In case you aren't familiar with this fun and exciting way to pick up playing cards in random order, here are the rules:
Shuffle the cards well. Then, deal them into thirteen piles, with one at each of the positions associated with the faces of a clock (1 to 12), and the thirteenth at the centre. Then, pick up the top card in the central pile. Place this, face up, by the pile corresponding to the value on the card (with Jack = 11, Queen = 12 and King = Centre). Then turn over the top card on that pile, and repeat.
You lose if you find you can't pick up any more cards. Since each pile has four cards (except the centre), and there are four cards of each value, you lose if the fourth King comes out before the other cards are done.
On Sunday over breakfast, we discussed the following crucial question: what are the odds of winning?
The answer is 1 in 13. Proving it is really quite difficult, and beyond the scope of this blog. The short version is that you have a sequence of 52 cards, and win if and only if the last card in sequence is a King. There are 4 Kings, so the odds are 4 in 52, or 1 in 13. The difficult part of the proof comes with the "and only if" part of the statement above - one of the scenarios we postulated suggested having the '5' and '7' piles pointing to each others, and proving that that cannot happen while the King is also last in sequence is tricky.
The debate was held between myself, Richard, and our father. So, for those who are keeping score, that's two Maths/Computing graduates and a university lecturer in Maths. We got as far as our "problem scenario" before being distracted by another burning issue of the day (I think it was fruit & veg). I Googled for the rest.
Probably the most interesting thing about the debate was not the debate itself, but rather the reactions of those who were observing. We had two observers, one a primary school teacher and the other a student nurse (one of whom has objected to being identified here in the past, so they shall remain nameless). Neither has a particularly mathematical background. That's not an insult, nor a value judgement, merely a statement of fact.
Anyway, the reactions ranged from puzzlement, to a sentiment of "why can't we just play the game, like normal people?", to some mild hostility to so complex a subject before the first meal of the day.
I must say, I find such reactions interesting, although not surprising - I've encountered them before. The fact is, maths, computing and probability are all hard, complex subjects, and many of the conclusions one comes to are counter-intuitive. The simple fact is that without a certain amount of grounding in the subject it is simply not possible to understand some of the problems involved, never mind the solutions to those problems (the Clock Solitaire problem isn't one of the ones that the layman can't understand, of course). And, when confronted with a topic that they don't understand, people are going to react in a less than enthusiastic manner.
To briefly tackle the "why can't you just play the game" question, I should point out that there is no real game to Clock Solitaire. Once the cards are dealt, that's it. And, since the dealing of cards is random, the "game" amounts to just wasting time. Which sounds absolutely thrilling.
However, the question of what are the odds of success? Well, that represents an unknown, a mystery. What's more, unlike "Lost", it is a mystery with a definitive answer, and established means of working our that answer. And isn't that worth discussing? Personally, I found it fascinating.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I've already bought your DVD! Stop telling me not to steal it!
These days, it seems that whenever I put a DVD in my player, I'm treated to a five minute 'advert' from FACT encouraging me not to steal movies. Naturally, this advert can't be skipped. Likewise, every time I visit the cinema, there's an advert saying how great the cinema experience is, and how I shouldn't use cheap, low-quality pirate DVDs.
I think perhaps that might just be the stupidest use of time and money I've ever seen.
Let me break it down for those responsible: in order to put the DVD in my player, and therefore see your wonderful "don't steal DVDs" advert, I have to have bought the DVD in the first place (or, potentially, have rented or borrowed it). Illegal DVDs don't have the "don't pirate DVDs" adverts on them. Similarly, to see the cinema adverts about how great cinema is, don't I have to have bought a cinema ticket? Call me crazy, but I'm rather of the opinion that you don't need to tell me not to use pirate DVDs instead of real DVDs/the cinema when I am, in fact, in the process of using said real DVDs/the cinema.
What makes these things even worse is that the adverts aren't even accurate. Firstly, they insist on claiming copyright infringement is theft. This is, technically, inaccurate. Copyright infringement is a crime, to be sure, but it's not that crime. (In one of the few cases on this matter, the lawyers for the studios were called on this very issue by the judge involved. Exactness matters.) Secondly, the DVD adverts very helpfully include a list of things that it is illegal to do with the DVD. Some of these are specifically and explicitly legal under UK law. They are banned under the DMCA, which is an actual law - but it's a US law that doesn't apply here. Thirdly, the cinema adverts state that most pirate DVDs have extremely dodgy picture and sound, and images of people getting up to go to the toilet. Which is rubbish - most pirate DVDs these days are made from digital copies of the completed film that are leaked from the studios themselves, either by corrupt employees or by corrupt reviewers/academy members who are sent free copies for their troubles. As such, the quality, being digital, it little different from that of the actual DVD when it comes out.
(None of the above should be taken as an endorsement of piracy in any form. I don't own any pirate DVDs, and don't use them. Philosophically, I take the view that it is right to pay for the films and other entertainment we use, so I do. My personal preference would be to skip cinema, and just buy the DVD straightaway, especially now that 2 cinema tickets cost more than the DVD does, but that's not currently an option.)
While I'm on the topic, I really really hate these new and extremely long animations at the start of DVDs. We get the anti-piracy advert, then whatever adverts the studio want to force on us for their latest product (which look really dated a few months later), followed by the studio's intro to the DVD, followed by the pre-menu animation. After about five minutes of dead time, we finally get to the menu allowing us to (gasp!) watch the film. Which proved quite good last night, as I was waiting for the oven to heat up to cook my dinner, and it did that while the DVD got itself ready.
(And then, of course, there are those DVDs that don't wait for the user to choose his preferred option. Wait 2 minutes on the menu for "Deep Blue Sea", for one, and it'll start the film without you. Because DVD players have busy lives, you know, and just can't afford to wait for the user to catch up.)
I think perhaps that might just be the stupidest use of time and money I've ever seen.
Let me break it down for those responsible: in order to put the DVD in my player, and therefore see your wonderful "don't steal DVDs" advert, I have to have bought the DVD in the first place (or, potentially, have rented or borrowed it). Illegal DVDs don't have the "don't pirate DVDs" adverts on them. Similarly, to see the cinema adverts about how great cinema is, don't I have to have bought a cinema ticket? Call me crazy, but I'm rather of the opinion that you don't need to tell me not to use pirate DVDs instead of real DVDs/the cinema when I am, in fact, in the process of using said real DVDs/the cinema.
What makes these things even worse is that the adverts aren't even accurate. Firstly, they insist on claiming copyright infringement is theft. This is, technically, inaccurate. Copyright infringement is a crime, to be sure, but it's not that crime. (In one of the few cases on this matter, the lawyers for the studios were called on this very issue by the judge involved. Exactness matters.) Secondly, the DVD adverts very helpfully include a list of things that it is illegal to do with the DVD. Some of these are specifically and explicitly legal under UK law. They are banned under the DMCA, which is an actual law - but it's a US law that doesn't apply here. Thirdly, the cinema adverts state that most pirate DVDs have extremely dodgy picture and sound, and images of people getting up to go to the toilet. Which is rubbish - most pirate DVDs these days are made from digital copies of the completed film that are leaked from the studios themselves, either by corrupt employees or by corrupt reviewers/academy members who are sent free copies for their troubles. As such, the quality, being digital, it little different from that of the actual DVD when it comes out.
(None of the above should be taken as an endorsement of piracy in any form. I don't own any pirate DVDs, and don't use them. Philosophically, I take the view that it is right to pay for the films and other entertainment we use, so I do. My personal preference would be to skip cinema, and just buy the DVD straightaway, especially now that 2 cinema tickets cost more than the DVD does, but that's not currently an option.)
While I'm on the topic, I really really hate these new and extremely long animations at the start of DVDs. We get the anti-piracy advert, then whatever adverts the studio want to force on us for their latest product (which look really dated a few months later), followed by the studio's intro to the DVD, followed by the pre-menu animation. After about five minutes of dead time, we finally get to the menu allowing us to (gasp!) watch the film. Which proved quite good last night, as I was waiting for the oven to heat up to cook my dinner, and it did that while the DVD got itself ready.
(And then, of course, there are those DVDs that don't wait for the user to choose his preferred option. Wait 2 minutes on the menu for "Deep Blue Sea", for one, and it'll start the film without you. Because DVD players have busy lives, you know, and just can't afford to wait for the user to catch up.)
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
The Case of the Lost Pen
While I was away, one of the pens from my desk "pot o'pens" has disappeared. Now, many of the pens in the aforementioned pot are entirely generic pens, distinguished only from the most common of pens in that I made sure they all worked before placing them in the pot. Naturally, though, the pen that has performed this vanishing act is not such a pen. Instead, it was my preferred pen, the one I actually used. Moreover, it was my "South Carolina" pen, which Claire brought me back from the States.
Naturally, this creates numerous problems. First and foremost amongst these, of course, is that without the pen, how will I remember that Claire went to America? I would write it down but, you know, doing so without the actual pen just seems wrong somehow.
Another issue is that I've had to find a new preferred pen, and I seem to have settled on my "Millward Brown" pen. Sadly, I don't remember how I came by said pen. I think it was probably the free gift from my Ada course, but I'm not sure. So, how can I regale people with the exciting tale of how I got that pen, if I'm not sure? And people do so love a good pen anecdote, it seems a shame that they should miss out.
The third issue is the vexing question of where the pen has gone. Has it indeed magicked itself into a parallel dimension, and will return one day with tales of beans? Did someone borrow it, and forget to return it? Was it kidnapped by ninja, and if so when will I receive the ransom demand? Did I take it home, and forget I'd done so? Did its Visa expire?
You! Go and find out!
Naturally, this creates numerous problems. First and foremost amongst these, of course, is that without the pen, how will I remember that Claire went to America? I would write it down but, you know, doing so without the actual pen just seems wrong somehow.
Another issue is that I've had to find a new preferred pen, and I seem to have settled on my "Millward Brown" pen. Sadly, I don't remember how I came by said pen. I think it was probably the free gift from my Ada course, but I'm not sure. So, how can I regale people with the exciting tale of how I got that pen, if I'm not sure? And people do so love a good pen anecdote, it seems a shame that they should miss out.
The third issue is the vexing question of where the pen has gone. Has it indeed magicked itself into a parallel dimension, and will return one day with tales of beans? Did someone borrow it, and forget to return it? Was it kidnapped by ninja, and if so when will I receive the ransom demand? Did I take it home, and forget I'd done so? Did its Visa expire?
You! Go and find out!
Went on holiday, came back a snake
For reasons unknown to medical science, I now seem to be in the process of shedding my skin. This all seems quite strange.
Personally, I blame the sun. I'm sure it's not natural.
Personally, I blame the sun. I'm sure it's not natural.
Five things I'm not allowed...
1. Pets. It's a condition of my lease. This is probably a good thing - the last pet I had didn't come to a good end, although that was some time ago.
2. Tropical Tango. Something in the additives makes me go hyper.
3. A camera-phone. I work on a secure site, and such phones aren't allowed on-site. Naturally, I'm not going to have two phones, one for work and one for not-work, especially since I barely use the one I do have.
4. A flying car. Apparently, they don't exist.
5. Broadband internet. My troubles in this matter are well-documented here. The latest twist is that my line is free, and I could order a new service, but Sky are about to start offering a service that sounds far superior to any other offer out there. Given that these contracts are invariably for 12 months, I can't get service in the meantime - I either wait for Sky to get their act together, or forget their offering.
2. Tropical Tango. Something in the additives makes me go hyper.
3. A camera-phone. I work on a secure site, and such phones aren't allowed on-site. Naturally, I'm not going to have two phones, one for work and one for not-work, especially since I barely use the one I do have.
4. A flying car. Apparently, they don't exist.
5. Broadband internet. My troubles in this matter are well-documented here. The latest twist is that my line is free, and I could order a new service, but Sky are about to start offering a service that sounds far superior to any other offer out there. Given that these contracts are invariably for 12 months, I can't get service in the meantime - I either wait for Sky to get their act together, or forget their offering.
Coke Zero
On the grounds that I didn't want to judge it unfairly without actually trying it, I felt I should try that new Coke Zero stuff. So, on Sunday, I did.
It is precisely the Coke equivalent of Pepsi Max. That is to say, it tastes exactly like Coke would if you removed from Coke all the things that make it worth drinking, leaving it a hollow shell of a drink.
It is precisely the Coke equivalent of Pepsi Max. That is to say, it tastes exactly like Coke would if you removed from Coke all the things that make it worth drinking, leaving it a hollow shell of a drink.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Holiday!
Right, according to the time, I'm on holiday. Consequently, I won't be posting anything here for two weeks, after which I will return with a blow-by-blow account of my holiday and all the tennis it involved, a complete set of all the pictures I took with my phone, and lots of other exciting features.
Until then, feel free to leave comments. I will probably just ignore them.
Until then, feel free to leave comments. I will probably just ignore them.
Stephen's Guide to Surviving the Long Journey
Most of my life is run according to a bunch of rules I've developed over time. These rules tend to be an accumulated set of "simple tricks and nonsense" that happen to work. That being the case, I shall now provide you with my guide to surviving a long journey.
Firstly, one must ask what exactly constitutes a long journey? After all, some of these rules are quite limiting, so you don't really want to apply them when driving to the local shop. In my opinion, a long journey is any journey that takes more than half a working day to complete, end to end. So, anything more than four hours. Time spent waiting in the airport counts towards this total, so most air journeys are long almost by definition (though if you can circumvent the 2 hour check-in times, they need not be).
Anyway, as with everything else, a successful long journey requires action before, during and after the journey (but Stephen, you ask, how can events after the journey ends have a bearing on the success of the journey? Isn't that just daft? Read on...)
Before the journey, what is required is methodical preparation. To ease the journey, you should always pack beforehand. Packing is best done by first gathering all the things that you need to a central location (I use my bed), then placing them methodically into the bags or cases to be used. Since packing is generally best done the night before the journey, there will be some few things that cannot be packed initially. These should be left close to the packed case, and then added in the morning once they are all no longer required. Do not pack the last few things one at a time - that just slows the whole process.
In general, packing is done starting with the biggest and most awkward things, and progressing to the smaller and softer items. Underwear, in particular, should be packed last as it can be used as 'padding' for the rest. You should always pack one or two empty carrier bags for general use at your destination.
To ensure you pack everything you need, you should go through each room in your home in turn, and check if there's anything you need. Don't miss rooms, and don't revisit rooms until they're all done. Once you've finished packing, do another sweep. Anything you miss on the second sweep you'll just have to manage without. (There are actually surprisingly few things that are absolutely needed on any trip. In general, most things are nice to have, but can be replaced in extremis.)
Once the things you need are gathered, they must be checked to fall into categories: things you need (passport, tickets), things you probably won't use but absolutely have to have just in case (insurance documents), things you don't need but will definately use (book), things you don't need but really want with you (camera), and things you definately won't use (knitting). Ditch anything in the last category. Then, ditch anything in the don't need categories until you're within the limits of what you can take.
If you're taking more than one bag, split the items into piles for each bag before putting anything into any bag. Then pack the bags seperately. This is the quickest and most efficient way to proceed. If your journey includes an overnight stay, ensure everything you need for that stay is in one, small bag. That way, you don't need to open any other bag in the middle of the journey.
If using a car, several smaller bags are better than one big bag. If flying, you have to stick to the limits allowed by the airline. However, remember that you can carry additional things onto the plane in the pockets of your jacket.
Immediately before you depart the house, have a shower and change your clothes. And wear something that's loose enough, and no warmer than is actually required. Bear in mind that most journeys become hotter and more stuffy as they go. You don't want to be too cold, but otherwise you want to be as cool as possible. Wearing layers is a good idea, as it allows you to gradually peel as you go.
If flying, carry a packet of mints. If using a car, car sweets are one of the few delights of the long journey. Either helps. (One of the big problems of the long journey is dehydration. However, you don't want to drink a lot, as airplane toilets aren't exactly pleasant, and every stop in a car just makes the journey longer.)
During the journey, the key is comfort. Finding comfort depends a great deal on the method of travel.
When travelling by car, one of the key issues is space. For a long journey, a normal car can carry no more than three adults - a driver, a passenger, and someone sitting behind the passenger. The driver cannot have someone sitting behind them, as they require the freedom to move their seat freely, which might make the person behind unable to become comfortable.
Pack the car carefully, such that the only luggage that is in the compartment with the passengers are the overnight bags, or are pillows. If absolutely necessary, this rule can be ignored, but then that's true of all these rules.
Take jackets off before getting into the car. And, unless you're driving immediately loosen (but don't remove) footwear (yet another advantage of changing your socks before leaving the house, you'll notice).
And you're off. Drive as fast as road conditions allow, and stop as infrequently as you can. The journey won't really be pleasant, no matter what you do, so make it as short as you can. Choice of music needs to be in the hands of the driver, and should ideally be something that they can sing along to. For fast driving, a nice strong beat is generally best, although when you hit traffic jams you should switch to something relaxing.
On a plane, you're a bit more constrained. Where possible, you should seek a seat near an emergency exit, as these have the most legroom. Otherwise, there's a tradeoff between the aisle (with more legroom) and the window (with natural light). On a plane it is especially important to loosen your shoes, and here it's actually best to remove them if your feet don't smell. Feet expand at altitude, so you really don't want tight shoes on.
Due to the risk of sitting still for too long, especially at altitude, it is important on a plane to get up and move around on a roughly hourly basis. If for no other reason, an aisle seat is probably preferable on long journeys. However, those who are scared of flying will probably be more comfortable by the window.
If you can sleep during your journey, do so. Personally, I find it impossible to fall asleep when the sun's in the sky, and I find it nigh-on impossible to sleep while in transit.
Now, after the journey...
After a long journey, you should really spend a few minutes stretching, to get all the stiffness out. You should take off your shoes and socks, ball up your toes, and walk on a carpet, and you should take things easy for a couple of hours to release the tension of the journey.
Finally, change your clothes again, but keep those clothes seperate from your other dirty washing. When the return journey comes (if there is one), wear those same clothes again. Don't wear them at other times in between. That way, those clothes are psychologically associated with the journeys, and the rest of the clothes you packed are psychologically 'clean'.
And there it is, Stephen's Guide to Surviving the Long Journey.
Firstly, one must ask what exactly constitutes a long journey? After all, some of these rules are quite limiting, so you don't really want to apply them when driving to the local shop. In my opinion, a long journey is any journey that takes more than half a working day to complete, end to end. So, anything more than four hours. Time spent waiting in the airport counts towards this total, so most air journeys are long almost by definition (though if you can circumvent the 2 hour check-in times, they need not be).
Anyway, as with everything else, a successful long journey requires action before, during and after the journey (but Stephen, you ask, how can events after the journey ends have a bearing on the success of the journey? Isn't that just daft? Read on...)
Before the journey, what is required is methodical preparation. To ease the journey, you should always pack beforehand. Packing is best done by first gathering all the things that you need to a central location (I use my bed), then placing them methodically into the bags or cases to be used. Since packing is generally best done the night before the journey, there will be some few things that cannot be packed initially. These should be left close to the packed case, and then added in the morning once they are all no longer required. Do not pack the last few things one at a time - that just slows the whole process.
In general, packing is done starting with the biggest and most awkward things, and progressing to the smaller and softer items. Underwear, in particular, should be packed last as it can be used as 'padding' for the rest. You should always pack one or two empty carrier bags for general use at your destination.
To ensure you pack everything you need, you should go through each room in your home in turn, and check if there's anything you need. Don't miss rooms, and don't revisit rooms until they're all done. Once you've finished packing, do another sweep. Anything you miss on the second sweep you'll just have to manage without. (There are actually surprisingly few things that are absolutely needed on any trip. In general, most things are nice to have, but can be replaced in extremis.)
Once the things you need are gathered, they must be checked to fall into categories: things you need (passport, tickets), things you probably won't use but absolutely have to have just in case (insurance documents), things you don't need but will definately use (book), things you don't need but really want with you (camera), and things you definately won't use (knitting). Ditch anything in the last category. Then, ditch anything in the don't need categories until you're within the limits of what you can take.
If you're taking more than one bag, split the items into piles for each bag before putting anything into any bag. Then pack the bags seperately. This is the quickest and most efficient way to proceed. If your journey includes an overnight stay, ensure everything you need for that stay is in one, small bag. That way, you don't need to open any other bag in the middle of the journey.
If using a car, several smaller bags are better than one big bag. If flying, you have to stick to the limits allowed by the airline. However, remember that you can carry additional things onto the plane in the pockets of your jacket.
Immediately before you depart the house, have a shower and change your clothes. And wear something that's loose enough, and no warmer than is actually required. Bear in mind that most journeys become hotter and more stuffy as they go. You don't want to be too cold, but otherwise you want to be as cool as possible. Wearing layers is a good idea, as it allows you to gradually peel as you go.
If flying, carry a packet of mints. If using a car, car sweets are one of the few delights of the long journey. Either helps. (One of the big problems of the long journey is dehydration. However, you don't want to drink a lot, as airplane toilets aren't exactly pleasant, and every stop in a car just makes the journey longer.)
During the journey, the key is comfort. Finding comfort depends a great deal on the method of travel.
When travelling by car, one of the key issues is space. For a long journey, a normal car can carry no more than three adults - a driver, a passenger, and someone sitting behind the passenger. The driver cannot have someone sitting behind them, as they require the freedom to move their seat freely, which might make the person behind unable to become comfortable.
Pack the car carefully, such that the only luggage that is in the compartment with the passengers are the overnight bags, or are pillows. If absolutely necessary, this rule can be ignored, but then that's true of all these rules.
Take jackets off before getting into the car. And, unless you're driving immediately loosen (but don't remove) footwear (yet another advantage of changing your socks before leaving the house, you'll notice).
And you're off. Drive as fast as road conditions allow, and stop as infrequently as you can. The journey won't really be pleasant, no matter what you do, so make it as short as you can. Choice of music needs to be in the hands of the driver, and should ideally be something that they can sing along to. For fast driving, a nice strong beat is generally best, although when you hit traffic jams you should switch to something relaxing.
On a plane, you're a bit more constrained. Where possible, you should seek a seat near an emergency exit, as these have the most legroom. Otherwise, there's a tradeoff between the aisle (with more legroom) and the window (with natural light). On a plane it is especially important to loosen your shoes, and here it's actually best to remove them if your feet don't smell. Feet expand at altitude, so you really don't want tight shoes on.
Due to the risk of sitting still for too long, especially at altitude, it is important on a plane to get up and move around on a roughly hourly basis. If for no other reason, an aisle seat is probably preferable on long journeys. However, those who are scared of flying will probably be more comfortable by the window.
If you can sleep during your journey, do so. Personally, I find it impossible to fall asleep when the sun's in the sky, and I find it nigh-on impossible to sleep while in transit.
Now, after the journey...
After a long journey, you should really spend a few minutes stretching, to get all the stiffness out. You should take off your shoes and socks, ball up your toes, and walk on a carpet, and you should take things easy for a couple of hours to release the tension of the journey.
Finally, change your clothes again, but keep those clothes seperate from your other dirty washing. When the return journey comes (if there is one), wear those same clothes again. Don't wear them at other times in between. That way, those clothes are psychologically associated with the journeys, and the rest of the clothes you packed are psychologically 'clean'.
And there it is, Stephen's Guide to Surviving the Long Journey.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
One day on...
In my post "On the Up", I commented that my PC was now working again, and the Sky guy was coming to fix my system. Last night, I was putting these to the test...
The first thing that happened was I tried to burn a CD using my PC. The burner software (which is rather better than the default Windows tool) decided it couldn't find a CD-RW drive. This wasn't too surprising - the Microsoft guy warned me that this might happen, and how to fix it.
So, I uninstalled the software, and made ready to re-install it (this, 'restart your PC' and 'format & reinstall' represent the fixes to 95% of all PC problems). However, once the software was removed, my PC started acting up again. This time it decided it wouldn't read from either CD drive!
Sigh.
Anyway, I engaged in the #2 fix for PC problems, and restarted the machine. At this point the CD drives woke up, and I was able to reinstall the software. Sadly, doing this took long enough that I didn't actually get around to burning the files to CD. I'll try that again tonight.
While this was going on, I was lamenting that there was nothing on TV. So, although my shiny new digibox can get all the channels, it was proving less of a boon than might be expected. However, I did find "The 100 Greatest Power Ballads", which had reached the top 10. (It was a travesty, too, as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was #1, when that's not even Bonnie Tyler's best work. The #1 should have been either "Bat Out of Hell" or "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".)
Anyway, at one point there were adverts, at which stage I wondered what else might be on ('cos sometimes channels have different programmes at different times in the evening). So, I duly pressed the button to bring up the Sky Guide and... nothing happened! (However, the remote still worked those TV controls it was programmed to handle - more on this later.)
Now, to be fair, it wasn't the worst channel to be stuck on, what with all the Power Ballad-iness of it all, but, as indicated, sometimes channels change what they're showing. So, I felt this really needed resolved.
So, I got the user manual, which I had chosen not to read as I'm generally aware of how to use a digibox - they're all much of a muchness. I flicked to the troubleshooting section, and looked up "My remote control doesn't work with my digibox".
The advice was "maybe your remote is in TV-mode. Press the SKY button to put it into SKY mode". "Is there something between the remote and the digibox? Make sure there is a clear line between the remote and the digibox". "Are the batteries dead? Try replacing the batteries."
Not being a complete moron, I had actually tried all these things previously, so I looked for "if this fails", to find the contact number for Sky. Of course, that wasn't in the user guide, but instructions for finding it were - "Press the SERVICES key, and then..." Not too much use if the remote doesn't work, is it?
Of course, the number is available online. Fantastic! Except... no internet connection!
Anyway, in the interim, I looked up the remote programming code for my TV manufacturer, and tuned my Sky remote to control the mute button (a vital function, as I mostly use my surround-sound speakers for TV, and they require that the TV be on mute to sound right).
At some later point, I decided to switch of the Sky box by hand. This naturally required walking across the room, itself an ordeal, but I duly pressed the 'Off' button and... nothing happened!
Aha! I thought.
It turned out there was nothing wrong with the remote control at all - the Sky box had just crashed. (Yes, it's now not just PCs that crash. Other devices make use of Microsoft operating systems, in this case Windows CE, and so are prone to random and frustrating crashes.)
So, I used the #2 solution to PC problems, pulled the power cable, waited a bit, returned power, and waited for the system to boot up. And, lo and behold, the system worked again!
Just to ensure that behind every silver lining there's a cloud, though, there still wasn't anything worth watching on.
The first thing that happened was I tried to burn a CD using my PC. The burner software (which is rather better than the default Windows tool) decided it couldn't find a CD-RW drive. This wasn't too surprising - the Microsoft guy warned me that this might happen, and how to fix it.
So, I uninstalled the software, and made ready to re-install it (this, 'restart your PC' and 'format & reinstall' represent the fixes to 95% of all PC problems). However, once the software was removed, my PC started acting up again. This time it decided it wouldn't read from either CD drive!
Sigh.
Anyway, I engaged in the #2 fix for PC problems, and restarted the machine. At this point the CD drives woke up, and I was able to reinstall the software. Sadly, doing this took long enough that I didn't actually get around to burning the files to CD. I'll try that again tonight.
While this was going on, I was lamenting that there was nothing on TV. So, although my shiny new digibox can get all the channels, it was proving less of a boon than might be expected. However, I did find "The 100 Greatest Power Ballads", which had reached the top 10. (It was a travesty, too, as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" was #1, when that's not even Bonnie Tyler's best work. The #1 should have been either "Bat Out of Hell" or "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".)
Anyway, at one point there were adverts, at which stage I wondered what else might be on ('cos sometimes channels have different programmes at different times in the evening). So, I duly pressed the button to bring up the Sky Guide and... nothing happened! (However, the remote still worked those TV controls it was programmed to handle - more on this later.)
Now, to be fair, it wasn't the worst channel to be stuck on, what with all the Power Ballad-iness of it all, but, as indicated, sometimes channels change what they're showing. So, I felt this really needed resolved.
So, I got the user manual, which I had chosen not to read as I'm generally aware of how to use a digibox - they're all much of a muchness. I flicked to the troubleshooting section, and looked up "My remote control doesn't work with my digibox".
The advice was "maybe your remote is in TV-mode. Press the SKY button to put it into SKY mode". "Is there something between the remote and the digibox? Make sure there is a clear line between the remote and the digibox". "Are the batteries dead? Try replacing the batteries."
Not being a complete moron, I had actually tried all these things previously, so I looked for "if this fails", to find the contact number for Sky. Of course, that wasn't in the user guide, but instructions for finding it were - "Press the SERVICES key, and then..." Not too much use if the remote doesn't work, is it?
Of course, the number is available online. Fantastic! Except... no internet connection!
Anyway, in the interim, I looked up the remote programming code for my TV manufacturer, and tuned my Sky remote to control the mute button (a vital function, as I mostly use my surround-sound speakers for TV, and they require that the TV be on mute to sound right).
At some later point, I decided to switch of the Sky box by hand. This naturally required walking across the room, itself an ordeal, but I duly pressed the 'Off' button and... nothing happened!
Aha! I thought.
It turned out there was nothing wrong with the remote control at all - the Sky box had just crashed. (Yes, it's now not just PCs that crash. Other devices make use of Microsoft operating systems, in this case Windows CE, and so are prone to random and frustrating crashes.)
So, I used the #2 solution to PC problems, pulled the power cable, waited a bit, returned power, and waited for the system to boot up. And, lo and behold, the system worked again!
Just to ensure that behind every silver lining there's a cloud, though, there still wasn't anything worth watching on.
Don't email me!
As I may have mentioned here, my ISP have gone out of business. On Friday, the plug is going to be pulled on my email address. As I'm also going on holiday on Friday, it will be at least two weeks before I start to set up with a new email address.
If you know my hotmail address, you can contact me on that. If not, don't bother emailing me - I won't get the message, and won't even know it was sent.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
If you know my hotmail address, you can contact me on that. If not, don't bother emailing me - I won't get the message, and won't even know it was sent.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Some enchanted evening...
It occurs to me that, statistically speaking, for every coincidence that happens there must be dozens, nay hundreds, of coincidences that don't happen. For every person who buys a lottery ticket on a whim and scoops the jackpot, there must be many many people who just happen to not win.
Consequently, I thought perhaps I would regale my loyal readers with the delightful story of how I didn't quite meet the girl of my dreams, because my car just happened to not break down, or because our eyes were meant to meet across a crowded room at a party I wasn't invited to, or something.
But I decided that the whole thing would just come off as bitter ranting. So instead, in light of yesterday's post about meta-blogging, I have decided to post about not posting about something that didn't happen to me.
Well, I thought it was funny.
On the up
When I got in touch with Sky last week, they said they'd need to send an engineer out. Needless to say, this prospect filled me with dread - did that mean I would need to wait six weeks for the engineer to actually come out this time? Fortunately, the answer is "no". The engineer called this morning, and by the time I get home from work I should have hundreds of channels of rubbish to watch again, instead of just dozens!
I have also fixed my computer, largely by opening the case, removing the dead CD drive, inserting a new drive in its place, and closing the case again. I even managed to copy those offending songs to MP3 format. I just hope the 'fixes' suggested by Microsoft haven't wrecked the install of my CD burner software, although if they have I can just reinstall.
Apparently, the wholesalers for my ISP are going to cease the line on the 14th. There will then follow 10 working days of waiting for an engineer to go out and disconnect the line, and then I'll be able to reorder. Then, there will be 10 working days of waiting for the same engineer to go back to the same exchange and reconnect the same cables, and then I'll be back online. Despite the daftness of the mechanisms, things are now starting to look up on this front.
I've managed to actually get some work done over the last few weeks. In fact, I even have a schedule to work to, and am reasonably close to where I should be according to the schedule. Now, if I can just figure out how to fix the problems that have just cropped up...
I actually had a conversation with a woman to whom I am not related (or about to be related) on Sunday! Granted, my contribution to this conversation amounted to 21 words, but they were quite good words, and it still stands as the longest such conversation since I discussed ways to abuse the "I'm studying for my exams" excuse with Hazel some two months ago.
And, I'm off on holiday in three days. In fact, in exactly 50 hours, I will be finished work for two whole weeks, and then it's off to Superman Returns, a quick trip to McDonalds, and then sunny France. Huzzah!
I have also fixed my computer, largely by opening the case, removing the dead CD drive, inserting a new drive in its place, and closing the case again. I even managed to copy those offending songs to MP3 format. I just hope the 'fixes' suggested by Microsoft haven't wrecked the install of my CD burner software, although if they have I can just reinstall.
Apparently, the wholesalers for my ISP are going to cease the line on the 14th. There will then follow 10 working days of waiting for an engineer to go out and disconnect the line, and then I'll be able to reorder. Then, there will be 10 working days of waiting for the same engineer to go back to the same exchange and reconnect the same cables, and then I'll be back online. Despite the daftness of the mechanisms, things are now starting to look up on this front.
I've managed to actually get some work done over the last few weeks. In fact, I even have a schedule to work to, and am reasonably close to where I should be according to the schedule. Now, if I can just figure out how to fix the problems that have just cropped up...
I actually had a conversation with a woman to whom I am not related (or about to be related) on Sunday! Granted, my contribution to this conversation amounted to 21 words, but they were quite good words, and it still stands as the longest such conversation since I discussed ways to abuse the "I'm studying for my exams" excuse with Hazel some two months ago.
And, I'm off on holiday in three days. In fact, in exactly 50 hours, I will be finished work for two whole weeks, and then it's off to Superman Returns, a quick trip to McDonalds, and then sunny France. Huzzah!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
"So, you called to tell me you're not going to tell me anything?"
I got a call from a person at Ofcom yesterday about the whole useless-ISP thing. We talked for a bit, and then ended the conversation.
It wasn't until after the conversation ended that I realised that she hadn't actually given me any new information. In fact, she had called specifically to tell me that she wasn't going to give me any new information. I'm not sure whether this counts as a win or not.
In other news, I was listening to the radio the other day. There came on an advert that I believe was placed by Kia. However, they were not advertising their cars. Oh, no, that would be too simple. Instead, their advert told us, the listening public, that they specifically weren't going to advertise their car on the radio, and instead they advertised their website, where they advertise their cars. This may be the first piece of meta-advertising I've seen (usually, at least they have a proper advert and then say "and see our website for more information). I'm not sure about this trend.
I have decided that the best thing to do in response to this is to stop blogging about things that happen in my life, and instead blog about things that I have read about in other people's blogs. Frankly, that's probably more interesting anyway.
It wasn't until after the conversation ended that I realised that she hadn't actually given me any new information. In fact, she had called specifically to tell me that she wasn't going to give me any new information. I'm not sure whether this counts as a win or not.
In other news, I was listening to the radio the other day. There came on an advert that I believe was placed by Kia. However, they were not advertising their cars. Oh, no, that would be too simple. Instead, their advert told us, the listening public, that they specifically weren't going to advertise their car on the radio, and instead they advertised their website, where they advertise their cars. This may be the first piece of meta-advertising I've seen (usually, at least they have a proper advert and then say "and see our website for more information). I'm not sure about this trend.
I have decided that the best thing to do in response to this is to stop blogging about things that happen in my life, and instead blog about things that I have read about in other people's blogs. Frankly, that's probably more interesting anyway.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Racket
I went to see "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" on Thursday, and ended up with a new tennis racket.
I'm sure this must be symbolic of the oddness of my life currently.
On the plus side, it is a nice tennis racket.
I'm sure this must be symbolic of the oddness of my life currently.
On the plus side, it is a nice tennis racket.
"At least things can't get any worse..."
In advance of going on holiday, I need to burn a couple of CDs of music for the car, to play in the spiffy CD/MP3 player I have. However, before doing this, I need to get some new music to play, as I'm getting bored with the same old stuff all the time.
So, over the last couple of weeks I have bought a number of CDs and, as is my wont, I immediately transferred the data to MP3 format, for general convenience.
On Saturday, just to prove that things can always get worse, my PC decided to crash while doing the conversion. And, when it recovered, the disk drive that was doing the conversion stopped recognising disks. There are two drives on my PC - my CD recorder, and a DVD reader. Which one do you think died - the one I could manage without, or the one that I really have to make use of before Friday?
I hope you're having fun up there, big guy, cause it's a laugh-riot where I am.
So, over the last couple of weeks I have bought a number of CDs and, as is my wont, I immediately transferred the data to MP3 format, for general convenience.
On Saturday, just to prove that things can always get worse, my PC decided to crash while doing the conversion. And, when it recovered, the disk drive that was doing the conversion stopped recognising disks. There are two drives on my PC - my CD recorder, and a DVD reader. Which one do you think died - the one I could manage without, or the one that I really have to make use of before Friday?
I hope you're having fun up there, big guy, cause it's a laugh-riot where I am.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Oh come on!
Yesterday, I finally found a bit of legislation that might help in my internet struggles (The Competition Act of 1998 specifically forbids the sorts of shenanigans currently being promulgated, with a maximum penalty of 10% of the annual worldwide turnover of the offending companies). I'm not sure quite how to use that information, since it's unlikely to get a result before this all gets sorted out anyway, and I only really want to walk away (although I am considering going for the jugular anyway, both out of a desire for revenge and a sense of justice).
So, I was feeling a bit better about myself, despite my sore neck.
Then my Sky channels started acting up. I think this may be a result of the heavy rain we had yesterday afternoon, but about a third of my channels are now gone! (Not many of the ones I actually watch are gone, but that's hardly the point, is it?)
The most frustrating thing about all this is that when I moved in there were certain tasks that I needed to sort out before I felt I could get back to living my life, which included sorting out Sky and getting internet access. And it's started to seem that those are impossible tasks, despite their seeming simplicity.
There are two morals of this story:
1) Clearly, I need to marry a lawyer. Although doing so specifically to seek revenge on some disreputably companies may not be the best of all motives.
2) I've long suspected that God is having great fun at my expense. I hope He's amused by this latest development. I know I'm not.
So, I was feeling a bit better about myself, despite my sore neck.
Then my Sky channels started acting up. I think this may be a result of the heavy rain we had yesterday afternoon, but about a third of my channels are now gone! (Not many of the ones I actually watch are gone, but that's hardly the point, is it?)
The most frustrating thing about all this is that when I moved in there were certain tasks that I needed to sort out before I felt I could get back to living my life, which included sorting out Sky and getting internet access. And it's started to seem that those are impossible tasks, despite their seeming simplicity.
There are two morals of this story:
1) Clearly, I need to marry a lawyer. Although doing so specifically to seek revenge on some disreputably companies may not be the best of all motives.
2) I've long suspected that God is having great fun at my expense. I hope He's amused by this latest development. I know I'm not.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sore Neck
The right side of my neck has been stiff and sore for some time, probably due to improper posture. So, I duly got some exercises, worked on posture, and generally recovered, mostly.
This morning, I woke up with the left side of my neck in agony so intense I want to scream. To be fair, it doesn't hurt all the time - only when I look up, down, left, right or straight ahead.
What's worse, in order to relieve the pressure on one side of my neck, I have my head tilted slightly to one side, which is now causing all the muscles on the other side to cramp up!
Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods.
This morning, I woke up with the left side of my neck in agony so intense I want to scream. To be fair, it doesn't hurt all the time - only when I look up, down, left, right or straight ahead.
What's worse, in order to relieve the pressure on one side of my neck, I have my head tilted slightly to one side, which is now causing all the muscles on the other side to cramp up!
Needless to say, I'm not in the best of moods.
I need a name...
The latest development in my internet struggles suggest that to escape I may need to fake my own death. Consequently, I will need a name for my new identity.
Any suggestions?
Any suggestions?
Monday, July 03, 2006
Khaaaaan!
As I've mentioned before, I've been having problems with my broadband provider since I moved into my appartment two months ago. Those problems seem to be nearing an end, but are also getting more intense with each passing moment. The time has come to name and shame the parties responsible.
I moved in on the 2nd of May. I ordered a line relocation at that time. Ten days later, BT activated the line, as evidenced by my broadband router sprining to life. However, I had no connection due to some unknown fault.
I sent an email to tech support on that day. I got an automated response saying someone was looking into it, and please don't contact them again as that would just move me back to the end of the queue. Silly me, I believed them.
A week later, three weeks after the move-in, I gave up on waiting, and started calling. Now, my ISP had a premium-rate phone line for tech support, at £1 a minute. That was my first port of call. However, that line said they were experiencing a very high volume of calls, and I'd be going into a queue. At £1 a minute, that wasn't happening. (Had I been certain one call there would fix the problem, I would have paid the money and had done with it, but I had no such assurance.)
So I called customer services, fully expecting to be told that they couldn't help me on that number, and kinda hoping they would so I had an excuse to blow my top at them. (This was also when Sky were messing me around, so I was spoiling for a fight.) However, that didn't happen - the customer services agent seemed quite helpful, and had me trying a few things. It emerged that my username had been changed without them telling me, but my initial hope that that would fix the issue was dashed. The end result was that the guy said he would raise a line fault with BT, and call be back on the next working day with an update.
The following Friday, I called again (I could only call on Fridays, as they were only open during office hours, and I work for a living. I get to leave early on Fridays.). I spoke to another person, who had me try a few more things, to no avail, and then promised to speak to the first agent, and call me back on the next working day with an update.
The following week I called again, incensed at having had the promise broken twice. This time, I was told that BT had marked the fault closed, but they'd reopen it, and call me back on the Monday with an update.
And so it went on. All these calls featured long times on hold, at a cost of 7.5 pence per minute. I dread to think what my next phone bill is going to be like.
The week before last, I had Thursday off, so I called again. This time, I spoke to someone who claimed to be the engineer dealing with the problem. He said that BT had been letting them down, that they'd just started reporting faults differently, and that he'd open the fault again and, you guessed it, call me back with an update. He even started the conversation with, "you'll never believe me, but I was going to call you tomorrow with an update." Yep, he was right about that. Anyway, I was finally in a position to tell them that if there wasn't any progress in the next seven days, and if he didn't call with the promised update, then when I called back on Friday it would be to demand an exit code and a refund. (I had previously sent emails and left answering machine messages to that effect, but I'm very certain no-one at that excuse for a company ever looked at such things.)
On Friday I was on hold for 23 minutes waiting to speak to someone before I was mysteriously cut off. Thereafter, the line remained permanently busy. My dial-up connection, which I'd been using as a back-up, was also dead. I had no internet connection at all over the weekend.
Yesterday, en route to church, I dropped in at home and checked the status of the ISP I'm with, only to discover that they're out of business. Which I'm frankly glad of - I'm willing to lose out on the refund that I should be getting just to get shot of these cowboys. Another company have started advertising on their webpage, offering to pick up the baton for customers of this lot. Frankly, there's no way in hell I'm going down that route - henceforth I'm dealing only with the big reliable companies, and never mind the cost.
Anyway, the first step in getting a new ISP is to have my line released. So, I this morning I started on that path. Step 1: I called BT and asked them what the options were. The answer: none. They simply refused to even consider removing the tag. I needed to speak to my ISP. But what if they don't exist any more? Speak to Ofcom. But what if the previous resident (who died) had had access - how would I get that removed? Again, speak to Ofcom.
Step 2: Call Ofcom. This resulted in being placed in a queue. On my mobile phone, that's not an option.
Step 3: Have someone else call Ofcom. The result was an automated message that they're aware of the problem and currently looking into it. Which is utterly useless.
Step 4: Back to the same forum where I learned about the demise of my ISP. Finally, some information! The previous ISP is gone, totally and utterly - forget about getting a MAC code from them (or a refund). The wholesaler have denied all responsibility. The company who are picking up the pieces can;t help - they don't have direct access to the database, so can't give out MAC codes. The only way forward is to sign up for their contract of services. The phrase "no way in hell" springs to mind.
So, what happens if I don't sign up? Well, apparently the tag will be removed on the 14th. Why then? Dunno. (And, incidentally, there's currently no guarantee that it actually will be removed on that date.) Once the tag is removed, assuming that actually happens, there will then be up to ten days waiting for a new tag to be placed by a new broadband provider.
The eventual result of all of this is that I will now have absolutely no internet connection from home for at least three weeks (actually, considerably longer). Even when I finally do get something sorted out, there's still probably the issue I was having before this fiasco started, which means a further delay. To say I'm furious would be a massive understatement.
I said it was time to name and shame the people responsible. The ISP I was with, who so badly dropped the ball on this connection thing, were e7even. They're now dead and gone, and good riddance. The wholesaler from whom they got access are Tiscali. This is the company I now hold responsible for freeing my line, as they are the only ones who can do so, or so it would seem. That they have not done so, and that they are trying to deny all responsibility, adds them to the list of companies I won't ever do business with again (the previous entrant on that list was Safeway - and notice that they no longer exist by that name!). The company who are trying to hoover up e7even's customers are EzeeDSL. I won't ever be doing business with them, either.
So, I'm looking for a good ISP. I don't really want any fancy bells and whistles - I'll handle my own anti-virus protection, and don't need parental controls (even if I had kids, I don't believe in them). I just want a good, reliable connection, at the fastest available speed. Obviously, a cheaper connection would be good, but I'd rather pay more for quality than be burned again. Oh, and I'd rather have an unmetered connection, but failing that need a fairly hefty monthly allowance. Any suggestions?
(Actually, I'm thinking of just going with BT, on the grounds that they also control the physical line, which has to be an advantage. Plus, if there is a fault on the line, it's only one company to deal with rather than two.)
I moved in on the 2nd of May. I ordered a line relocation at that time. Ten days later, BT activated the line, as evidenced by my broadband router sprining to life. However, I had no connection due to some unknown fault.
I sent an email to tech support on that day. I got an automated response saying someone was looking into it, and please don't contact them again as that would just move me back to the end of the queue. Silly me, I believed them.
A week later, three weeks after the move-in, I gave up on waiting, and started calling. Now, my ISP had a premium-rate phone line for tech support, at £1 a minute. That was my first port of call. However, that line said they were experiencing a very high volume of calls, and I'd be going into a queue. At £1 a minute, that wasn't happening. (Had I been certain one call there would fix the problem, I would have paid the money and had done with it, but I had no such assurance.)
So I called customer services, fully expecting to be told that they couldn't help me on that number, and kinda hoping they would so I had an excuse to blow my top at them. (This was also when Sky were messing me around, so I was spoiling for a fight.) However, that didn't happen - the customer services agent seemed quite helpful, and had me trying a few things. It emerged that my username had been changed without them telling me, but my initial hope that that would fix the issue was dashed. The end result was that the guy said he would raise a line fault with BT, and call be back on the next working day with an update.
The following Friday, I called again (I could only call on Fridays, as they were only open during office hours, and I work for a living. I get to leave early on Fridays.). I spoke to another person, who had me try a few more things, to no avail, and then promised to speak to the first agent, and call me back on the next working day with an update.
The following week I called again, incensed at having had the promise broken twice. This time, I was told that BT had marked the fault closed, but they'd reopen it, and call me back on the Monday with an update.
And so it went on. All these calls featured long times on hold, at a cost of 7.5 pence per minute. I dread to think what my next phone bill is going to be like.
The week before last, I had Thursday off, so I called again. This time, I spoke to someone who claimed to be the engineer dealing with the problem. He said that BT had been letting them down, that they'd just started reporting faults differently, and that he'd open the fault again and, you guessed it, call me back with an update. He even started the conversation with, "you'll never believe me, but I was going to call you tomorrow with an update." Yep, he was right about that. Anyway, I was finally in a position to tell them that if there wasn't any progress in the next seven days, and if he didn't call with the promised update, then when I called back on Friday it would be to demand an exit code and a refund. (I had previously sent emails and left answering machine messages to that effect, but I'm very certain no-one at that excuse for a company ever looked at such things.)
On Friday I was on hold for 23 minutes waiting to speak to someone before I was mysteriously cut off. Thereafter, the line remained permanently busy. My dial-up connection, which I'd been using as a back-up, was also dead. I had no internet connection at all over the weekend.
Yesterday, en route to church, I dropped in at home and checked the status of the ISP I'm with, only to discover that they're out of business. Which I'm frankly glad of - I'm willing to lose out on the refund that I should be getting just to get shot of these cowboys. Another company have started advertising on their webpage, offering to pick up the baton for customers of this lot. Frankly, there's no way in hell I'm going down that route - henceforth I'm dealing only with the big reliable companies, and never mind the cost.
Anyway, the first step in getting a new ISP is to have my line released. So, I this morning I started on that path. Step 1: I called BT and asked them what the options were. The answer: none. They simply refused to even consider removing the tag. I needed to speak to my ISP. But what if they don't exist any more? Speak to Ofcom. But what if the previous resident (who died) had had access - how would I get that removed? Again, speak to Ofcom.
Step 2: Call Ofcom. This resulted in being placed in a queue. On my mobile phone, that's not an option.
Step 3: Have someone else call Ofcom. The result was an automated message that they're aware of the problem and currently looking into it. Which is utterly useless.
Step 4: Back to the same forum where I learned about the demise of my ISP. Finally, some information! The previous ISP is gone, totally and utterly - forget about getting a MAC code from them (or a refund). The wholesaler have denied all responsibility. The company who are picking up the pieces can;t help - they don't have direct access to the database, so can't give out MAC codes. The only way forward is to sign up for their contract of services. The phrase "no way in hell" springs to mind.
So, what happens if I don't sign up? Well, apparently the tag will be removed on the 14th. Why then? Dunno. (And, incidentally, there's currently no guarantee that it actually will be removed on that date.) Once the tag is removed, assuming that actually happens, there will then be up to ten days waiting for a new tag to be placed by a new broadband provider.
The eventual result of all of this is that I will now have absolutely no internet connection from home for at least three weeks (actually, considerably longer). Even when I finally do get something sorted out, there's still probably the issue I was having before this fiasco started, which means a further delay. To say I'm furious would be a massive understatement.
I said it was time to name and shame the people responsible. The ISP I was with, who so badly dropped the ball on this connection thing, were e7even. They're now dead and gone, and good riddance. The wholesaler from whom they got access are Tiscali. This is the company I now hold responsible for freeing my line, as they are the only ones who can do so, or so it would seem. That they have not done so, and that they are trying to deny all responsibility, adds them to the list of companies I won't ever do business with again (the previous entrant on that list was Safeway - and notice that they no longer exist by that name!). The company who are trying to hoover up e7even's customers are EzeeDSL. I won't ever be doing business with them, either.
So, I'm looking for a good ISP. I don't really want any fancy bells and whistles - I'll handle my own anti-virus protection, and don't need parental controls (even if I had kids, I don't believe in them). I just want a good, reliable connection, at the fastest available speed. Obviously, a cheaper connection would be good, but I'd rather pay more for quality than be burned again. Oh, and I'd rather have an unmetered connection, but failing that need a fairly hefty monthly allowance. Any suggestions?
(Actually, I'm thinking of just going with BT, on the grounds that they also control the physical line, which has to be an advantage. Plus, if there is a fault on the line, it's only one company to deal with rather than two.)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
World Cup update
Is it just me, or has this World Cup just kinda sucked? There seem to have been hardly any goals, not a lot of skill on show, and few teams really showing us what they can do. I'm sure the last one was better (and not just because I got to watch the matches at work).
The most notable thing about the World Cup has been the absolutely abysmal refereeing. To many dodgy decisions, too many cards, too many sendings-off. I'm sorry, but to have had two games with more than three red cards each is just too many. Something isn't right here.
The most notable thing about the World Cup has been the absolutely abysmal refereeing. To many dodgy decisions, too many cards, too many sendings-off. I'm sorry, but to have had two games with more than three red cards each is just too many. Something isn't right here.
Competition
Following last week's blog silliness, I have decided to have a sensible week. Therefore, allow me to recount for you one of the key events of my weekend.
I competed with my band on Saturday. It was my first 'proper' competition (discounting a BB contest of a few years ago because it was very obviously a different experience altogether). Because I've only just joined the band, I only played for the qualification round, which they got through. I didn't play the final.
The band came dead last in the final. This was not the result we were hoping for. However, it does mean that we can only improve, and it does give me some scope for fitting in better for the next competition.
In addition to competing, I saw a few people in other bands that I had not seen for a while. One of my former students was playing with her schools band in the Novice/Juvenile grade. They did very well, as always. Additionally, I saw (but didn't get a chance to speak to) several people from another band I'm aware of. It seems that they have left that band and joined another, which gives me a certain sense that perhaps all is not well there. Still, not my concern.
There were three lessons I learned from my experience:
1) If the car doesn't have any petrol in it, don't leave the house without your wallet. You'll need it.
2) Getting up at half past five in the morning, especially on a Saturday, is not good. However, as expected wakening at that time does not have the same paralytic effect as an unexpected wakening at three.
3) It's a good idea to wear sunblock when going out in the sun. This was the third Saturday in a row I managed to get sunburn, which is even more impressive in Scotland than elsewhere in the world.
The band are now preparing for their next competition, which is in Callander. This should be interesting, as it is on the day after I get back from my holidays. I may not be at my very best on that day.
I competed with my band on Saturday. It was my first 'proper' competition (discounting a BB contest of a few years ago because it was very obviously a different experience altogether). Because I've only just joined the band, I only played for the qualification round, which they got through. I didn't play the final.
The band came dead last in the final. This was not the result we were hoping for. However, it does mean that we can only improve, and it does give me some scope for fitting in better for the next competition.
In addition to competing, I saw a few people in other bands that I had not seen for a while. One of my former students was playing with her schools band in the Novice/Juvenile grade. They did very well, as always. Additionally, I saw (but didn't get a chance to speak to) several people from another band I'm aware of. It seems that they have left that band and joined another, which gives me a certain sense that perhaps all is not well there. Still, not my concern.
There were three lessons I learned from my experience:
1) If the car doesn't have any petrol in it, don't leave the house without your wallet. You'll need it.
2) Getting up at half past five in the morning, especially on a Saturday, is not good. However, as expected wakening at that time does not have the same paralytic effect as an unexpected wakening at three.
3) It's a good idea to wear sunblock when going out in the sun. This was the third Saturday in a row I managed to get sunburn, which is even more impressive in Scotland than elsewhere in the world.
The band are now preparing for their next competition, which is in Callander. This should be interesting, as it is on the day after I get back from my holidays. I may not be at my very best on that day.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
My 'Bigger Mac' story
On Friday of last week, I went to McDonalds and had a Bigger Mac. It was nice. It tasted exactly like the Big Mac, but was bigger.
The End.
The End.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Repeating myself...
Sometimes, I worry that I might be becoming senile, and start repeating myself. Part of the reason for this is that I really only know four conversations, so I have to keep having them with different people.
Anyway, I was worried I might have already blogged about the women/sock conspiracy, so I felt the need to check every single post on this thing to make sure. Fortunately, it turns out that I haven't done that one before. Whew!
The down-side is that it turns out I have blogged about every other subject imaginable. Therefore, I will now have to start repeating myself.
Anyway, I was worried I might have already blogged about the women/sock conspiracy, so I felt the need to check every single post on this thing to make sure. Fortunately, it turns out that I haven't done that one before. Whew!
The down-side is that it turns out I have blogged about every other subject imaginable. Therefore, I will now have to start repeating myself.
Repeating myself...
Sometimes, I worry that I might be becoming senile, and start repeating myself. Part of the reason for this is that I really only know four conversations, so I have to keep having them with different people.
Anyway, I was worried I might have already blogged about the women/sock conspiracy, so I felt the need to check every single post on this thing to make sure. Fortunately, it turns out that I haven't done that one before. Whew!
The down-side is that it turns out I have blogged about every other subject imaginable. Therefore, I will now have to start repeating myself.
Anyway, I was worried I might have already blogged about the women/sock conspiracy, so I felt the need to check every single post on this thing to make sure. Fortunately, it turns out that I haven't done that one before. Whew!
The down-side is that it turns out I have blogged about every other subject imaginable. Therefore, I will now have to start repeating myself.
Throwing us off the scent
My recent surfing has taken me to another blog, in the comments of which a number of women were lamenting the loss of socks to their washing machines (the blog wasn't about said loss of socks; this was merely a tangent). Anyway, I felt that this was a cruel trick for the so-called fairer sex to attempt to play upon us humble menfolk.
See, I have discovered the truth of the lost socks!
In days of yore, my washing was done by my mother. In those heady days of youth, the loss of a sock was an event so common as to be unworthy of comment. After Mum went back to work (still many years ago), there was a time when my sister did the washing in the house (I was responsible for dusting - it wasn't a sexist thing, merely division of labour). In those days, the loss of a sock was likewise an event of great frequency.
Some time later, Claire determined that she was too busy continue to do the washing. At that point, and in all the days since, I have washed my own socks. In all the days since, I have never lost a single sock... (I thought I'd lost one once, but it turned out I'd just dropped it.)
This led me to question to accepted wisdom that it was the washing machine that ate socks. Clearly, if this were the case, then socks would be eaten regardless of who was doing the washing.
But if the washing machine wasn't eating the socks, then who was? A mystery indeed.
Naturally, I engaged in a little detective work. As we know, in order to commit a crime, you need means, motive and opportunity. Seeing means and opportunity was simple enough, but what was the motive?
Well, all became clear a little later, when it occurred to me that the classic gift, given by all mothers to their sons, by all wives to their husbands, and so on, for every event at which gifts must be given, is socks!
Suddenly, it all made sense. Unable to think of gifts for their husbands, some women adopted the policy of eating socks, gaining both a rather strange meal and also gift-giving opportunities. The practice is passed from mother to daughter, and is widespread today.
I can only believe those comments about lost socks were really just a bid to throw us off the scent. The other possibility is too horrible to contemplate.
See, I have discovered the truth of the lost socks!
In days of yore, my washing was done by my mother. In those heady days of youth, the loss of a sock was an event so common as to be unworthy of comment. After Mum went back to work (still many years ago), there was a time when my sister did the washing in the house (I was responsible for dusting - it wasn't a sexist thing, merely division of labour). In those days, the loss of a sock was likewise an event of great frequency.
Some time later, Claire determined that she was too busy continue to do the washing. At that point, and in all the days since, I have washed my own socks. In all the days since, I have never lost a single sock... (I thought I'd lost one once, but it turned out I'd just dropped it.)
This led me to question to accepted wisdom that it was the washing machine that ate socks. Clearly, if this were the case, then socks would be eaten regardless of who was doing the washing.
But if the washing machine wasn't eating the socks, then who was? A mystery indeed.
Naturally, I engaged in a little detective work. As we know, in order to commit a crime, you need means, motive and opportunity. Seeing means and opportunity was simple enough, but what was the motive?
Well, all became clear a little later, when it occurred to me that the classic gift, given by all mothers to their sons, by all wives to their husbands, and so on, for every event at which gifts must be given, is socks!
Suddenly, it all made sense. Unable to think of gifts for their husbands, some women adopted the policy of eating socks, gaining both a rather strange meal and also gift-giving opportunities. The practice is passed from mother to daughter, and is widespread today.
I can only believe those comments about lost socks were really just a bid to throw us off the scent. The other possibility is too horrible to contemplate.
Expanding the Crusade
Last night I was explaining to someone that I'd decided to expand my two-fold crusade to include a mandate to "banish ITV from TV-land", only to realise that I'd never actually explained my two-fold crusade to anyone (except Richard and Leigh, who were there when I first announced the crusade).
Anyway, the goals of my now-three-fold crusade are as follows:
1) To eat lots of biscuits
2) To complain about cleaning products being of every colour of the rainbow
3) To banish ITV from TV-land.
My progress to date has been minimal.
Clearly, the goal of eating lots of biscuits is a noble and sensible one. Biscuits represent a great threat to mankind's continued supremacy on the planet, and therefore must be stamped out. Unfortunately, my progress in this area is hampered by (1) Having had to go on a diet (ick!) and (2) Having had to give up Penguins because the largest packet available has 27 biscuits in it, which puts the eater at risk of accidentally only eating one biscuit, getting a unique joke, and unravelling the universe.
Now, cleaning products. Despite the fact that there exist only ten distinct colours, three of which are black, various companies still insist on providing their cleaning products in every hue. Do we really need blue washing-up liquid? Green bleach? Orange surface cleaner? (Orange, of course, just being yellow that has ideas above its station)
I say no! Therefore, I have made it one of my missions in life to moan about this fact to any poor fool who is silly enough to listen. Including you, dear reader. (In fact, having now complained, that should suffice to complete that ambition. Yay for me!)
And then there's the delights of ITV. Thus far this year, they have shown exactly two things worth watching: the new Sharpe (a BBC America production, no less!), and the World Cup. Their World Cup coverage is actively bad; it's just a shame that the BBC aren't showing all of the matches (or even Sky). In truth, they also have some Champions' League matches, but again, their coverage sucks and should be moved to another channel.
Apart from these few things, they show an endless diet of bad soaps, talentless shows, and other such nonsense. In fact, I was shocked that during the World Cup they haven't tried to introduce a scheme whereby voters can text in to say which teams they want to go forward. Frankly, that strikes me as a far more democratic and egalitarian scheme than basing such decisions on trivial things like talent.
And so, there it is, my three-fold crusade.
Anyway, the goals of my now-three-fold crusade are as follows:
1) To eat lots of biscuits
2) To complain about cleaning products being of every colour of the rainbow
3) To banish ITV from TV-land.
My progress to date has been minimal.
Clearly, the goal of eating lots of biscuits is a noble and sensible one. Biscuits represent a great threat to mankind's continued supremacy on the planet, and therefore must be stamped out. Unfortunately, my progress in this area is hampered by (1) Having had to go on a diet (ick!) and (2) Having had to give up Penguins because the largest packet available has 27 biscuits in it, which puts the eater at risk of accidentally only eating one biscuit, getting a unique joke, and unravelling the universe.
Now, cleaning products. Despite the fact that there exist only ten distinct colours, three of which are black, various companies still insist on providing their cleaning products in every hue. Do we really need blue washing-up liquid? Green bleach? Orange surface cleaner? (Orange, of course, just being yellow that has ideas above its station)
I say no! Therefore, I have made it one of my missions in life to moan about this fact to any poor fool who is silly enough to listen. Including you, dear reader. (In fact, having now complained, that should suffice to complete that ambition. Yay for me!)
And then there's the delights of ITV. Thus far this year, they have shown exactly two things worth watching: the new Sharpe (a BBC America production, no less!), and the World Cup. Their World Cup coverage is actively bad; it's just a shame that the BBC aren't showing all of the matches (or even Sky). In truth, they also have some Champions' League matches, but again, their coverage sucks and should be moved to another channel.
Apart from these few things, they show an endless diet of bad soaps, talentless shows, and other such nonsense. In fact, I was shocked that during the World Cup they haven't tried to introduce a scheme whereby voters can text in to say which teams they want to go forward. Frankly, that strikes me as a far more democratic and egalitarian scheme than basing such decisions on trivial things like talent.
And so, there it is, my three-fold crusade.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Take That at 3am
Yesterday was not a good day. As usual, I didn't get enough sleep. Still, I got up, got ready, and went to the gala day that my band were playing at. It was good. I got sunburnt.
Where it went wrong was after the gala day, when the band had a barbeque, to which I was invited. I went, but because I had my car, I couldn't drink. Then, I found that the only soft drinks were Diet, which as we all know really means "not as nice, potentially carcinogenic, and definately depressing..."
But the big problem came a bit later, when it became apparent that everyone in the band knows each other from way back, they don't know me, and we don't really have that much in common (true of about 99% of the population, of course). After a bunch of conversations about bands I'd been in in the past, I snuck off.
There then followed a fairly depressing evening of watching TV. I went to bed early, once it became apparent that only was there nothing good on, but that there never would be again.
It was a good thing that I did.
About 3am, I was woken up by music from downstairs. My neighbours are a couple and their daughter. The parents are currently away; the girl had gotten home with some friends - a girl and two guys.
Anyway, there then proceeded more than an hour of loud music, mostly consisting of Take That's Greatest Hits. Which brought home to me three things: 1) Take That aren't improved by being heard through a floor. 2) Take That still suck, but are now better than virtually everything that's in the charts. 3) Having "Relight My Fire" stuck in your head isn't much fun.
About 3:45, one of the guys joked that this was their "3am wake-up call". I'm a little annoyed about that. (Funnily enough, I just accidentally hit CAPS LOCK just before I hit the 'A' there...)
Anyway, the music went off at 4:15ish, whereupon I went back to bed... but no joy getting to sleep. At this point, I went for a walk.
Sadly, once the sun is up in the morning, and once I've woken up, there's no getting back to sleep. Hopefully, I'll be able to just zone out after 24 tonight. Hence, surfing the net, watching bad TV, reading a bit, and so forth.
Still, it is a Sunday morning, and I'm not that old. Perhaps I'll just ask them to play better music next time. Any recommendations for good music to be rudely awakened to?
Where it went wrong was after the gala day, when the band had a barbeque, to which I was invited. I went, but because I had my car, I couldn't drink. Then, I found that the only soft drinks were Diet, which as we all know really means "not as nice, potentially carcinogenic, and definately depressing..."
But the big problem came a bit later, when it became apparent that everyone in the band knows each other from way back, they don't know me, and we don't really have that much in common (true of about 99% of the population, of course). After a bunch of conversations about bands I'd been in in the past, I snuck off.
There then followed a fairly depressing evening of watching TV. I went to bed early, once it became apparent that only was there nothing good on, but that there never would be again.
It was a good thing that I did.
About 3am, I was woken up by music from downstairs. My neighbours are a couple and their daughter. The parents are currently away; the girl had gotten home with some friends - a girl and two guys.
Anyway, there then proceeded more than an hour of loud music, mostly consisting of Take That's Greatest Hits. Which brought home to me three things: 1) Take That aren't improved by being heard through a floor. 2) Take That still suck, but are now better than virtually everything that's in the charts. 3) Having "Relight My Fire" stuck in your head isn't much fun.
About 3:45, one of the guys joked that this was their "3am wake-up call". I'm a little annoyed about that. (Funnily enough, I just accidentally hit CAPS LOCK just before I hit the 'A' there...)
Anyway, the music went off at 4:15ish, whereupon I went back to bed... but no joy getting to sleep. At this point, I went for a walk.
Sadly, once the sun is up in the morning, and once I've woken up, there's no getting back to sleep. Hopefully, I'll be able to just zone out after 24 tonight. Hence, surfing the net, watching bad TV, reading a bit, and so forth.
Still, it is a Sunday morning, and I'm not that old. Perhaps I'll just ask them to play better music next time. Any recommendations for good music to be rudely awakened to?
Thursday, June 15, 2006
King Penguin
Before I was compelled to give them up, I was rather fond of Penguins, the king of all biscuits. In addition to that lovely chocolate and biscuit, and the opportunity to build up entire teams of Penguins in different colours for my forthcoming parody "Match of the Penguins II", they always had a fascinating fact or hilarious joke on the back of the wrapper.
Jokes such as the majestic:
Q: Why did the starfish blush?
A: Because the sea weed.
However, I noted the universal law that no matter how many Penguins one ate, one never encountered a new joke or fact. Every single biscuit had one of the same three entries on the wrapper.
Until one day, our hero ate a Penguin, turned to the joke, and found a new joke there! Truly this was a banner day, one worthy of being recorded for all time on blogs across the nation.
Our hero then ate his second Penguin of the day, for never must they be eaten in isolation, and turned to the second joke... to find it a duplicate of the same new joke he had just encountered. Harmony was restored to the universe. Disaster averted.
(I feel that the moral of this story is that it is quite right to never eat only a single Penguin. If you do, you run the risk of finding a unique joke, and breaking the universe.)
Jokes such as the majestic:
Q: Why did the starfish blush?
A: Because the sea weed.
However, I noted the universal law that no matter how many Penguins one ate, one never encountered a new joke or fact. Every single biscuit had one of the same three entries on the wrapper.
Until one day, our hero ate a Penguin, turned to the joke, and found a new joke there! Truly this was a banner day, one worthy of being recorded for all time on blogs across the nation.
Our hero then ate his second Penguin of the day, for never must they be eaten in isolation, and turned to the second joke... to find it a duplicate of the same new joke he had just encountered. Harmony was restored to the universe. Disaster averted.
(I feel that the moral of this story is that it is quite right to never eat only a single Penguin. If you do, you run the risk of finding a unique joke, and breaking the universe.)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Tis the season...
I have noticed that the adverts for my works Christmas night out have gone up this week. I have, therefore, responded by doing all my Christmas shopping. Apparently, the fashionable Christmas gift for this year is a bottle of suntan lotion.
HO-HO-HO!
HO-HO-HO!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
SPA Update
As many of my loyal readers know, I am the founder and member of the Society for the Prevention of Acronyms (SPA for short). Our mandate is to prevent the proliferation of acronyms in the world by ranting inanely on the internet. It has been a while since I updated anyone on the latest antics of the SPA, so felt the time to do so had come.
Recently, the SPA had a great success. Through our lobbying efforts, the British Union of Red Parakeets were persuaded that their name was already sufficiently ridiculous, and that therefore there was no need to adopt an acronym. Huzzah!
However, not all our efforts have met with success. I must report failure in the effort to prevent the Clowns Against Rivers, Ninja And Green Envelopes adopting their new name. Indeed, tensions came to a head at a recent demonstration by the SPA, and indeed the outcome of the ill-tempered confrontation can only be described as... chaotic.
Finally, there has recently been a motion within the SPA to expand our mandate to stand against the scourge of spling misteaks. However, the motion to this effect was defeated on two grounds. The first was that SPASAM was considered to have less of a 'kick' to it that our previous name, but it was also noted that this change would require us to take a moral stand against our own membership, which would probably detract from the focus on the core mission of the SPA. The poll of our member showed an impressive 70% in favour of retaining the original name and mission of the SPA.
Recently, the SPA had a great success. Through our lobbying efforts, the British Union of Red Parakeets were persuaded that their name was already sufficiently ridiculous, and that therefore there was no need to adopt an acronym. Huzzah!
However, not all our efforts have met with success. I must report failure in the effort to prevent the Clowns Against Rivers, Ninja And Green Envelopes adopting their new name. Indeed, tensions came to a head at a recent demonstration by the SPA, and indeed the outcome of the ill-tempered confrontation can only be described as... chaotic.
Finally, there has recently been a motion within the SPA to expand our mandate to stand against the scourge of spling misteaks. However, the motion to this effect was defeated on two grounds. The first was that SPASAM was considered to have less of a 'kick' to it that our previous name, but it was also noted that this change would require us to take a moral stand against our own membership, which would probably detract from the focus on the core mission of the SPA. The poll of our member showed an impressive 70% in favour of retaining the original name and mission of the SPA.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Something that has been bothering me for some time...
Today, I'm going to muse on a crucial matter of global importance. If you are easily offended, you might want to stop reading now.
As everyone knows, the greatest crisps ever invented by man are Walkers Cheese and Onion crisps. Truly, they are the second-finest expression of the paragon of vegetables, behind only chips in their gloriousness. (In the unlikely event that there are any Americans reading: crisps (UK) = chips (US), and chips (UK) = fries (US).)
At least, that used to be the case. However, a few months ago, Walkers announced that they had found a way to make their crisps using "sunseed oil", which would allow them to reduce the fat content by about 70% (!) without affecting the taste (!!). Truly, a wonderful outcome, if only it had been true.
Weep with me, friends, for they have ruined crisps!
The new Walkers crisps do, in fact, taste the same as their predecessors. They do, in fact, have a lot less fat. However, they are also harder, more brittle, and generally a lot less pleasant to eat. In short, they are no longer the greatest crisps in history.
Here's the thing: I'm an adult (no, really!). I am capable of making informed choices about what I eat. And I choose not to eat "low fat", "good for you!" or "diet" versions of foods. It's a taste thing - I would rather eat less nice food and/or exercise more than eat things that just aren't as nice.
I suppose that's the key, though: many adults are not capable of making informed choices about what they (or, more to the point, their children) eat. It's not easily obvious how much you should be eating of various things, nor how much of those things foods contain. And the interactions are not clear either - you're supposed to drink 1.5 litres of water per day, but does coffee count? Does Cola? Does fruit juice? You're supposed to eat 5 servings of fruit and veg per day, but how much is a serving? And does cooking the food make a difference? And what about the fact that spinach contains very different nutrients from sweetcorn?
And so the food companies feel a pressure to constantly try to make their food healthier, even if that means it doesn't taste as nice, and the government tries to force us to eat more of the things that they think are good for us. When, in fact, the correct solution to our health problems is that we're just not exercising enough. Sort that out, and many of the other problems just go away.
One suggestion that gets made every so often is the notion of a 'fat tax'. Typically, this takes the form of an additional tax on unhealthy foods. A better solution would be annual weigh-ins, and a tax based on that. The best solution, though, is nothing of the sort - simply taxing people for being overweight is useless without better enabling them to sort out their weight problems.
What needs produced is a set of leaflets, outlining several balanced diets, making use of things that are easily acquired and easily prepared. These diets should be presented making use of foods that people are actually going to eat, because simply saying "don't eat burgers" isn't going to work. The diets should cover all the meals for a whole week (at least - a month would be better) giving plenty of variety, plenty of options, and substitutions where possible.
In parallel with this, we urgently need work done to encourage people to exercise. This potentially means reclaiming land for playing fields, but that by itself is not enough. It is also crucially important to provide opportunity for exercise, and taking up that opportunity must be easy. So, our sports centres should be running workshops in whatever sports they specialise in, which should be free to all comers, and which should be heavily advertised. Every playing field should be the focus of some summer club for some sport or another.
Thirdly, there needs to be made easily available health check-ups for everyone (for free, and on an annual basis), which includes not just assessments of the the areas that need worked on, but also clear guidance on how to fix problems. At the moment, it's nigh-on impossible to see a doctor when something is wrong, so no-one goes for a preventative consultation. But we should - in the same way we all understand a car needs regularly serviced, so too should we understand that our bodies need the same.
Then, and only then, do you introduce a fat tax.
In the meantime, I'm going to continue lamenting the death of nice crisps, and think about trying out the 'Bigger Mac', because I do like a tasty burger...
TV Update
Well, the Sky guy came on Saturday, so after only four attempts I now have the full range of bad TV to watch again. Although oddly, my Sky box still thinks I'm living in Yeovil, so it tunes to BBC 1 West, BBC 2 England, and whatever the local ITV station is down there. I need to try to figure out how to change that, for those three occasions when there's something different on STV than that ITV station, and I actually want to watch the STV programme (and when I say three occasions, I don't mean the three in the five months remaining on my contract, or in the next year...).
On another note, can someone explain to me why it is Scottish TV decided they had to 'rebrand' themselves as STV? As far as I'm aware, everyone just calls them "three" anyway. If they want to attract more viewers, perhaps they should show the occasional good programme.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Living the dream
My sofa finally arrived last night!
This, of course, allowed me to achieve one of my great ambitions for the year: I was able to sit on a sofa while watching TV! Shame there wasn't anything on, but still...
Tomorrow, I'm going to go one step forward, and watch TV while sitting on a sofa and eating chips.
This, of course, allowed me to achieve one of my great ambitions for the year: I was able to sit on a sofa while watching TV! Shame there wasn't anything on, but still...
Tomorrow, I'm going to go one step forward, and watch TV while sitting on a sofa and eating chips.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Sky. What do you want to watch?
Well, tough, because there's no chance they'll actually fit a dish with which you can receive these programmes. What's more, when you call to ask why they haven't turned up for the third week in a row, you'll be placed on hold, the same as every other time, and forced to listen to an advert for all the wonderful programmes that Sky are currently showing.
Yes, it's true, the Sky guy didn't turn up on Saturday.
I first phoned them just after 10 to find out why there was no sign. At that point, I was told that their engineering people would call me back very soon. They had been given my mobile number, which the customer services bod read out... and which was the same wrong number I had corrected two weeks ago. Anyway, that explains why they didn't call last week.
So, I told the person that the number was wrong, and read out the correct number. Which he didn't get. I tried again. This time, he went for a wholly different wrong number. On the third attempt, he got it. At which point I hung up, working on the assumption that things had been corrected, and the engineers would be calling very soon.
(As an aside, I've heard a lot of people complaining about Indian call centres. However, I can now confirm that Scotland-based centres are no better. Sure, you can understand their accents, and they yours, but that doesn't help even slightly when they can't even take down a phone number correctly. It wasn't as though I was speaking fast - I used the same "slow and clear" voice I use with all call centre people. It really doesn't seem to help.)
An hour and a half passed, after which I called again, and spoke to a different person. (You never get the same person twice. This may be so you feel bad about shouting at the person on the phone, since it's not actually their fault their colleagues are useless.) Anyway, I explained the situation, and she checked the records. And found that the second person I spoke to last week, the one who I made faithfully promise that the engineer would actually turn up, had put a note on my account that it was vitally important that the engineer turn up, but hadn't actually gone so far as to book an engineer to come out and do the job. It's a good thing my window was closed at that point, or else I might have engaged in an autodefenestration.
So, the litany of woe continues. They have booked in an engineer for next week, hopefully one who will actually exist, as opposed to the crazy virtual engineers who I've had thus far. They're refunding the money I had to pay to have my account relocated, and also the last month's viewing fees.
Oh, one more wrinkle: the first person who I spoke to, after finally getting the right mobile phone number from me, proceeded to not enter it into their computer. I had to correct the data again in my second call.
The morals of this story are two-fold: firstly, always make sure your windows are closed before calling a "Customer Support" hotline. Secondly, don't dare to dream that people will actually do the things they say they'll do, because they just won't. Next week, I'll regale you with my adventures with not getting Sky this Saturday...
Yes, it's true, the Sky guy didn't turn up on Saturday.
I first phoned them just after 10 to find out why there was no sign. At that point, I was told that their engineering people would call me back very soon. They had been given my mobile number, which the customer services bod read out... and which was the same wrong number I had corrected two weeks ago. Anyway, that explains why they didn't call last week.
So, I told the person that the number was wrong, and read out the correct number. Which he didn't get. I tried again. This time, he went for a wholly different wrong number. On the third attempt, he got it. At which point I hung up, working on the assumption that things had been corrected, and the engineers would be calling very soon.
(As an aside, I've heard a lot of people complaining about Indian call centres. However, I can now confirm that Scotland-based centres are no better. Sure, you can understand their accents, and they yours, but that doesn't help even slightly when they can't even take down a phone number correctly. It wasn't as though I was speaking fast - I used the same "slow and clear" voice I use with all call centre people. It really doesn't seem to help.)
An hour and a half passed, after which I called again, and spoke to a different person. (You never get the same person twice. This may be so you feel bad about shouting at the person on the phone, since it's not actually their fault their colleagues are useless.) Anyway, I explained the situation, and she checked the records. And found that the second person I spoke to last week, the one who I made faithfully promise that the engineer would actually turn up, had put a note on my account that it was vitally important that the engineer turn up, but hadn't actually gone so far as to book an engineer to come out and do the job. It's a good thing my window was closed at that point, or else I might have engaged in an autodefenestration.
So, the litany of woe continues. They have booked in an engineer for next week, hopefully one who will actually exist, as opposed to the crazy virtual engineers who I've had thus far. They're refunding the money I had to pay to have my account relocated, and also the last month's viewing fees.
Oh, one more wrinkle: the first person who I spoke to, after finally getting the right mobile phone number from me, proceeded to not enter it into their computer. I had to correct the data again in my second call.
The morals of this story are two-fold: firstly, always make sure your windows are closed before calling a "Customer Support" hotline. Secondly, don't dare to dream that people will actually do the things they say they'll do, because they just won't. Next week, I'll regale you with my adventures with not getting Sky this Saturday...
Pensions
Periodically, I find myself musing on the whole pension thing. The thing is, we're forever being told that the vast majority of people aren't saving enough for their retirements. Given current levels of debt in this country, that is hardly surprising. However, even people who aren't in debt probably aren't saving enough.
But there's a very good reason why: the whole system is too damn complicated for words.
In theory, pension schemes are straight-forward: each month a percentage of your pay goes into the scheme, the agents use that money to invest for your future, and when you retire it is turned into a magical pot of money on which you live the rest of your life.
However, no-one has ever indicated to me what sort of percentage represents a 'right' value. Or even a sensible value. So, I put a number on a form that means very little to me, try not to worry about it, and in forty years I will get back what? Is the number big enough? Too much? Just right?
So, that's the first complexity. Then there's the issue of multiple pensions. These days, no-one stays in the same job for their entire careers. Consequently, the sensible way of working (non-state) pensions is to have an employee take out an independent pension when they start their first job, and then have each employer pay money into that fund as their career progresses. Since employers already have the ability to pay money to bank accounts direct, why not pensions?
But, of course, it doesn't work like that. I have had four employers. One of these had no pension arrangements at all (rather poor, that). My first employer set me up with an independent scheme, in the exact manner I described above. All nice and sensible. But my previous employer and my current employer each have their own schemes, and wouldn't or couldn't transfer the payments to another schene. So, I'm stuck with three pensions, one of which has a pointlessly negligible amount paid in, a third that is slowly draining of all value, and a third that will be good for a while, but will suffer a great deal if and when I leave my current job. (Which, one way or another, I will do eventually.)
Incidentally, when I joined my second employer, I decided to immediately start paying money into my original pension again (my second company was the one with no scheme). So, I contacted my provider, and had them send out the appropriate form. I never returned it - the form was impossibly complicated, such that I could not complete it. Which is, frankly, ridiculous - all I wanted to do was take X% from my salary and pay it into scheme Y, which should not be a difficult operation.
It should be possible to sort all this out. It probably is possible to sort all this out. But doing so would require employing the services of a financial advisor, which means (a) paying for the priviledge and (b) taking time off work to meet with him, fill in interminable forms, and generally waste time dealing with things that really should just be simple.
My time off work is extremely valuable (conversely, I have no problem whatsoever with paying for financial advice). So this matter drifts...
But there's a very good reason why: the whole system is too damn complicated for words.
In theory, pension schemes are straight-forward: each month a percentage of your pay goes into the scheme, the agents use that money to invest for your future, and when you retire it is turned into a magical pot of money on which you live the rest of your life.
However, no-one has ever indicated to me what sort of percentage represents a 'right' value. Or even a sensible value. So, I put a number on a form that means very little to me, try not to worry about it, and in forty years I will get back what? Is the number big enough? Too much? Just right?
So, that's the first complexity. Then there's the issue of multiple pensions. These days, no-one stays in the same job for their entire careers. Consequently, the sensible way of working (non-state) pensions is to have an employee take out an independent pension when they start their first job, and then have each employer pay money into that fund as their career progresses. Since employers already have the ability to pay money to bank accounts direct, why not pensions?
But, of course, it doesn't work like that. I have had four employers. One of these had no pension arrangements at all (rather poor, that). My first employer set me up with an independent scheme, in the exact manner I described above. All nice and sensible. But my previous employer and my current employer each have their own schemes, and wouldn't or couldn't transfer the payments to another schene. So, I'm stuck with three pensions, one of which has a pointlessly negligible amount paid in, a third that is slowly draining of all value, and a third that will be good for a while, but will suffer a great deal if and when I leave my current job. (Which, one way or another, I will do eventually.)
Incidentally, when I joined my second employer, I decided to immediately start paying money into my original pension again (my second company was the one with no scheme). So, I contacted my provider, and had them send out the appropriate form. I never returned it - the form was impossibly complicated, such that I could not complete it. Which is, frankly, ridiculous - all I wanted to do was take X% from my salary and pay it into scheme Y, which should not be a difficult operation.
It should be possible to sort all this out. It probably is possible to sort all this out. But doing so would require employing the services of a financial advisor, which means (a) paying for the priviledge and (b) taking time off work to meet with him, fill in interminable forms, and generally waste time dealing with things that really should just be simple.
My time off work is extremely valuable (conversely, I have no problem whatsoever with paying for financial advice). So this matter drifts...
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Supporting England
We live in a country in which there is now a pre-teen pregnancy problem. However, in the last day or so, there has been more political reaction to the news that our First Minister, Jack McConnell, won't be supporting England in the World Cup. I don't know whether to be more depressed by this fact, or the fact that I'm not even remotely surprised by it.
Anyway, the question is a valid one: should a Scotsman support the English team in the World Cup? On one level, both are parts of the UK, and so there is some sort of a tie there. On another, Scotland isn't part of England, despite the frequency with which this is conveniently forgotten by people south of the border, so why should we? Especially when our taxes are being used to support the team.
Now, one might argue that, if the positions were reversed, the English would support Scotland in the competition. However, let's consider for a moment just how unlikely that scenario actually is. In order for it to come about, Scotland would have to qualify. This places us in the realm of fantasy anyway. Secondly, England would have to fail to qualify, which hasn't happened in a good many years. It's easy to suggest that the English would support us, when there's no actual chance they'll have to test that.
The other thing that I don't think the English really understand is that the Scots are annoyed by the attitude they display. Firstly, there's the way that if any of our competitors do well, they're British, while if they fail, they're Scottish. You see this in the commentaries all the time. Secondly, whenever an English commentator is talking about a Scottish event, the condescension is sickening. This was particularly bad at the Clyde/Celtic match, in which all the focus was on Roy Keane, because he used to play for Manchester United, and never mind the fact that he played badly, his team played badly, and Clyde scored their greatest victory in decades.
And then there's the "England Expects" attitude. The news reportage we're seeing is all about how England are going to win the World Cup. Every time a competition of this sort comes round, we're subjected to every possible comparison between the current team and the one that lifted the cup in 1966. Never mind the fact that only one comparison actually matters: that team lifted the World Cup. This one has not.
Bluntly, I reckon England had no chance of winning the World Cup before Wayne Rooney was injured. They rely too much on one or two players, and don't have the strength in depth of the teams that are likely to win. I fully expected them to go out in the Quarter Finals, or as soon as they face Brazil. With Wayne Rooney injured, they have even less chance, which puts me in an odd position. You don't get negative probabilities, so how do things get worse from 0% chance? (The truth is that the odds weren't 0%. There was always a tiny chance that their opponents would be wiped out by a freak meteor strike, allowing England to win by default. Therefore, there was always a tiny chance of victory. That is finite, and so can be reduced.)
However, there is one counter argument that is worth mentioning. It does us all good if England wins. True, we'll be subjected to an endless stream of programmes telling us how this is the greatest team ever, that England are the best ever, and on and on and on. But, that's no different from now, except we'll be hit with "2006" instead of "1966". But the truth is that success breeds success. And investment in sport is a good thing, and some of that investment would come up across the border. So, there are some small advantages...
Ultimately, it has to be a question for the individual. There is no right answer. For myself, I will not be supporting England in the World Cup. In fact, I won't be supporting any of the teams, and have remarkably little interest in it. Scotland aren't there, so why do I care at all? Actually, I doubt I'll be watching many of the games at all - I just don't see the point.
Anyway, the question is a valid one: should a Scotsman support the English team in the World Cup? On one level, both are parts of the UK, and so there is some sort of a tie there. On another, Scotland isn't part of England, despite the frequency with which this is conveniently forgotten by people south of the border, so why should we? Especially when our taxes are being used to support the team.
Now, one might argue that, if the positions were reversed, the English would support Scotland in the competition. However, let's consider for a moment just how unlikely that scenario actually is. In order for it to come about, Scotland would have to qualify. This places us in the realm of fantasy anyway. Secondly, England would have to fail to qualify, which hasn't happened in a good many years. It's easy to suggest that the English would support us, when there's no actual chance they'll have to test that.
The other thing that I don't think the English really understand is that the Scots are annoyed by the attitude they display. Firstly, there's the way that if any of our competitors do well, they're British, while if they fail, they're Scottish. You see this in the commentaries all the time. Secondly, whenever an English commentator is talking about a Scottish event, the condescension is sickening. This was particularly bad at the Clyde/Celtic match, in which all the focus was on Roy Keane, because he used to play for Manchester United, and never mind the fact that he played badly, his team played badly, and Clyde scored their greatest victory in decades.
And then there's the "England Expects" attitude. The news reportage we're seeing is all about how England are going to win the World Cup. Every time a competition of this sort comes round, we're subjected to every possible comparison between the current team and the one that lifted the cup in 1966. Never mind the fact that only one comparison actually matters: that team lifted the World Cup. This one has not.
Bluntly, I reckon England had no chance of winning the World Cup before Wayne Rooney was injured. They rely too much on one or two players, and don't have the strength in depth of the teams that are likely to win. I fully expected them to go out in the Quarter Finals, or as soon as they face Brazil. With Wayne Rooney injured, they have even less chance, which puts me in an odd position. You don't get negative probabilities, so how do things get worse from 0% chance? (The truth is that the odds weren't 0%. There was always a tiny chance that their opponents would be wiped out by a freak meteor strike, allowing England to win by default. Therefore, there was always a tiny chance of victory. That is finite, and so can be reduced.)
However, there is one counter argument that is worth mentioning. It does us all good if England wins. True, we'll be subjected to an endless stream of programmes telling us how this is the greatest team ever, that England are the best ever, and on and on and on. But, that's no different from now, except we'll be hit with "2006" instead of "1966". But the truth is that success breeds success. And investment in sport is a good thing, and some of that investment would come up across the border. So, there are some small advantages...
Ultimately, it has to be a question for the individual. There is no right answer. For myself, I will not be supporting England in the World Cup. In fact, I won't be supporting any of the teams, and have remarkably little interest in it. Scotland aren't there, so why do I care at all? Actually, I doubt I'll be watching many of the games at all - I just don't see the point.
Chips!
As long-time readers of this blog know, I missed being able to eat real chips while down in Yeovil. There was nowhere to put a frier, and oven chips are a poor substitute. Even "Home Fries", which are quite nice, are distinctly oven chips, and not at all like real chips.
Sadly, since I moved, my parents have invested in a new frier, on the grounds that the old one broke, and have ended up with a frier that is slightly less effective than thinking warm thoughts in the direction of the chips. So, when I moved back in briefly, the delight of chips was still denied to me.
Fortunately, the story does not end there, for at the weekend I purchased a brand new "3 in 1" frier! My new apartment has a much bigger kitchen, complete with a window I can put right next to a frier, allowing me the use of such an appliance.
Now, the first thing to say about the purchasing experience is that there is a surprisingly small range of friers available, at least in the local Comet store. I had hoped to buy a small frier, capable of doing a small quantity of chips and not much else (and consequently using less energy), but no such luck. Instead, I have had to buy a full-size all-singing all-dancing model.
The second thing to say is that I find the notion of a "3 in 1" frier somewhat amusing. This is an appliance that suspends a basket of food in hot oil. There's nothing fancy about it at all. Claiming it's "3 in 1" is rather disingenuous, even if it does have two different sizes of baskets you can use.
The third thing to say is that when I'm buying a frier with a 2 year guarantee, and given my statuatory rights, I'm probably not going to be interested in your store's special 3 year extended guarantee. Especially when the cost of this guarantee is almost half of the cost of the appliance in the first place - if it breaks in the first few weeks, I'm entitled to a replacement by law. If it goes wrong in the first 2 years, the applicance's guarantee protects me. So, your guarantee is only useful if something goes wrong in year three, and for the money involved I can probably run to the cost of a new frier in that time.
Anyway, yesterday I made use of my new frier for the first time. The upshot: my chips were burnt. It seems the heating element on the appliance is somewhat overzealous, or perhaps it was affected by there being so few chips, but either way, the chips were rather overdone.
Still: real chips!
Sadly, since I moved, my parents have invested in a new frier, on the grounds that the old one broke, and have ended up with a frier that is slightly less effective than thinking warm thoughts in the direction of the chips. So, when I moved back in briefly, the delight of chips was still denied to me.
Fortunately, the story does not end there, for at the weekend I purchased a brand new "3 in 1" frier! My new apartment has a much bigger kitchen, complete with a window I can put right next to a frier, allowing me the use of such an appliance.
Now, the first thing to say about the purchasing experience is that there is a surprisingly small range of friers available, at least in the local Comet store. I had hoped to buy a small frier, capable of doing a small quantity of chips and not much else (and consequently using less energy), but no such luck. Instead, I have had to buy a full-size all-singing all-dancing model.
The second thing to say is that I find the notion of a "3 in 1" frier somewhat amusing. This is an appliance that suspends a basket of food in hot oil. There's nothing fancy about it at all. Claiming it's "3 in 1" is rather disingenuous, even if it does have two different sizes of baskets you can use.
The third thing to say is that when I'm buying a frier with a 2 year guarantee, and given my statuatory rights, I'm probably not going to be interested in your store's special 3 year extended guarantee. Especially when the cost of this guarantee is almost half of the cost of the appliance in the first place - if it breaks in the first few weeks, I'm entitled to a replacement by law. If it goes wrong in the first 2 years, the applicance's guarantee protects me. So, your guarantee is only useful if something goes wrong in year three, and for the money involved I can probably run to the cost of a new frier in that time.
Anyway, yesterday I made use of my new frier for the first time. The upshot: my chips were burnt. It seems the heating element on the appliance is somewhat overzealous, or perhaps it was affected by there being so few chips, but either way, the chips were rather overdone.
Still: real chips!
Three Posts in One Day!
In other news: my wallpaper had not trnsmuted into gold. Nor, indeed, was my broadband connection working.
I did get an email telling me a customer services ticket had been raised, though, and that someone would be in touch, hopefully within 24 hours! Naturally, I'm still waiting.
I did get an email telling me a customer services ticket had been raised, though, and that someone would be in touch, hopefully within 24 hours! Naturally, I'm still waiting.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Broadband Update
My broadband was not connected last night, within the promised three week timeframe. I consequently sent an email to customer services complaining of might plight.
They might have it connected up by the time I go home tonight. And it's possible that my wallpaper will have spontaneously transformed into gold.
They might have it connected up by the time I go home tonight. And it's possible that my wallpaper will have spontaneously transformed into gold.
I told you that was a bad idea!
I locked my keys in my car yesterday. That's only the second most annoying thing about this story.
I start work at 8:30 every morning. Due to traffic fluctuations, I like to leave the house no later than 7:45, which means I generally arrive by 8:15. I then spend the next 15 minutes sitting in the car reading; I don't like going into the office because I'll then be drawn into starting work early (not sure why that's really a bad thing, but never mind).
Anyway, yesterday I was sitting in the car reading with the radio off. I decided the radio was just distracting me, so I switched it off, leaving the keys in the ingnition, but the power completely off. I recall thinking to myself, "that's a bad idea. You'll leave the keys in the car." I decided I would remember.
And I did remember. Immediately as the door left my hand to slam shut. In that very instant I recalled that my keys needed retrieved. Too late, of course.
So, the solution was, of course, to have someone come, get the apartment keys, fetch my spare set, and bring them to me. Sadly, though, while I could have told you in an instant where the spare keys were at home, or in Yeovil, I haven't yet bedded in the new flat enough to be able to do that with more than about 90% certainty. So, I had to get picked up and go personally to get the keys. Which were, of course, where I thought they probably were.
Anyway, many thanks to Richard and, especially, Leigh for helping me out.
I start work at 8:30 every morning. Due to traffic fluctuations, I like to leave the house no later than 7:45, which means I generally arrive by 8:15. I then spend the next 15 minutes sitting in the car reading; I don't like going into the office because I'll then be drawn into starting work early (not sure why that's really a bad thing, but never mind).
Anyway, yesterday I was sitting in the car reading with the radio off. I decided the radio was just distracting me, so I switched it off, leaving the keys in the ingnition, but the power completely off. I recall thinking to myself, "that's a bad idea. You'll leave the keys in the car." I decided I would remember.
And I did remember. Immediately as the door left my hand to slam shut. In that very instant I recalled that my keys needed retrieved. Too late, of course.
So, the solution was, of course, to have someone come, get the apartment keys, fetch my spare set, and bring them to me. Sadly, though, while I could have told you in an instant where the spare keys were at home, or in Yeovil, I haven't yet bedded in the new flat enough to be able to do that with more than about 90% certainty. So, I had to get picked up and go personally to get the keys. Which were, of course, where I thought they probably were.
Anyway, many thanks to Richard and, especially, Leigh for helping me out.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Never Pay in Advance!
In a world where things work as they should, a customer would go to a company and arrange to buy something. The discussion would specify the goods to be delivered, the delivery date, and the price. The customer would pay the price, and the goods would be delivered at the time specified.
That's a nice fiction.
The way it really works is that the discussion specifies the goods to be delivered, the delivery date and the price, the customer pays the price, and then the company jerks the customer around in every possible way until such time as the customer loses patience, demands a refund, and has his lawyer start legal proceedings to recover his money.
Some examples: I ordered a sofa in January. I paid the full, not inconsiderable, price. They specified a 12-week delivery time, which took us to the end of March. Then, at the start of February, they phoned to inform my answering maching that there was a delay of unspecified length.
I moved in April, so I contacted the company and asked them what was happening. They declared that they could not deliver before the move, so agreed to deliver to my parents' address. The sofa is now sitting in their warehouse in the south of England. They are apparently having difficulties finding a truck to put it on to shift it up here.
The reality is that they have plenty of trucks, but they're all full with unsold sofas for their stores. Because I've already paid, they have no motivation to actually deliver my sofa - potential customers must come first over actual customers. I think I will start a book on when the sofa will actually arrive. (I will also be posting here when it does arrive, including details of the company I won't be buying from again. However, I won't be doing so before then, because antagonising the people before they deliver the sofa is sure to have it 'accidentally' fall into a wood-chipper and be delayed further).
Second, there is my ISP. I have paid for 2 years of broadband service up front. I got a really good deal on that service. I have also paid them a significant fee to move my service to my new flat. On Thursday, the light on my router started flashing, indicating that BT have connected the line for broadband, but my router won't connect like it should.
I emailed tech support asking about the situation. I got an automated reply, promising that an engineer would be in touch within 24 hours. I'm still waiting.
They also have a technical support phone line. Which is nice, except that it charges £1 per minute. Nonetheless, thinking I would need to phone to get immediate service (rather than sending an email that someone can just ignore), I phoned the number. There was an introductory recorded message, lasting just over a minute of course, explaining that this was a tech support line (duh!) and that some calls are recorded. Then I was told they were experiencing an "unusual volume of calls" and that I was being placed in a queue. Please hold!
Yeah, right. At £1 a minute?
Now, to be fair to them, my ISP did say it might be up to 3 weeks before the switch-over was complete. That does not expire until tomorrow. So, if they manage to sort out the problems before then, I'll not complain too much. However, I find myself wondering whether that is likely or not...
Then there's Sky.
Leaving aside for the moment the annoyance of having to sign a 12-month contract with them (when I'm on a 6-month lease), there's the issue that I'm paying a sum every month for service. In addition, there was a charge for moving the service to a new address. Once again, this has all been set up to prepay. And these charges are not unreasonable.
So, Sky arranged for an engineer to come and fit a new dish last Saturday. I waited by the phone all last Saturday. No sign. So, I called their help(!)line, and was told that an engineer had been at my flat at 9:33, and had tried to call my mobile phone.
Sadly, it is entirely possible that I was asleep at 9:33. It had been a late night, and I didn't set my alarm; nor did I note when I woke up. However, my phone had no missed calls. So, I enquired about this, and was given the number the engineer called. The number was wrong - it had an extra digit.
That's infuriating, but somewhat understandable. Although why the engineer didn't notice that my phone number was a freakish abomination with 12 digits rather than the 11 shared by all other phone numbers in the country, and why he didn't therefore try my home phone number (which Sky also have on record) is beyond me.
Oh, the woman on the help(!)line also said that if I hadn't heard anything by 9:30, I should have called them to enquire what was going on. Useful information when I called at 16:50!
Anyway, never mind. A new installation date was arranged, for this Saturday.
This time, I set my alarm. I made sure both mobile and home phones were beside me all day. (Oh, and I'd corrected their copy of my mobile number, too.)
I waitied.
I waited some more.
At 9:50, I called them. The guy on the help(!)line said he didn't know what was happening. He tried to call the engineer, without success. He assured me that the engineer was coming, and that I would be called with a time of arrival.
I waited.
I waited some more.
At 14:30, I called again. I explained the situation. A different guy on the help(!)line got in touch with the engineering department. He then informed me that the engineer had called in sick that morning, and that they had meant to call me.
It of course made me feel much better that they had intended to call me. I still don't have Sky, and their customer service sucks beyond all reason, but at least I have the warm fuzzy feeling that they meant to call me.
So, a new installation date has been arranged. Unsurprisingly, it's set for this Saturday, since I kind of have to go to work, so can't spend a whole day waiting for an engineer who might or might not show up. Never mind that that means wasting half of my weekend doing the same.
What gets me most in all of these cases is not so much the waiting. I'm a fairly patient person. If you say it will be three weeks (or even three months) for something, I'll wait. Or take my business elsewhere. No, it's that they haven't done the things that they said they would.
An engineer falling sick is not the company's fault. It's not the engineer's fault. It is literally "circumstances beyond our control". However, failing to tell me most definately is their fault, as is not having the right number the week before. Likewise, I can understand a delay in delivering a sofa of a few weeks. However, it is unacceptable to have it stuck at the wrong end of the country because you "can't find a van to transport it." If you were really determined, you could do it very quickly - I took about half an hour to find the van rental service I used to transport all my possessions up from Yeovil. (Of course, that costs money...) And don't promise you'll get back to someone "within 24 hours" if you have no reasonable expectation of doing so. We don't like being lied to.
That's a nice fiction.
The way it really works is that the discussion specifies the goods to be delivered, the delivery date and the price, the customer pays the price, and then the company jerks the customer around in every possible way until such time as the customer loses patience, demands a refund, and has his lawyer start legal proceedings to recover his money.
Some examples: I ordered a sofa in January. I paid the full, not inconsiderable, price. They specified a 12-week delivery time, which took us to the end of March. Then, at the start of February, they phoned to inform my answering maching that there was a delay of unspecified length.
I moved in April, so I contacted the company and asked them what was happening. They declared that they could not deliver before the move, so agreed to deliver to my parents' address. The sofa is now sitting in their warehouse in the south of England. They are apparently having difficulties finding a truck to put it on to shift it up here.
The reality is that they have plenty of trucks, but they're all full with unsold sofas for their stores. Because I've already paid, they have no motivation to actually deliver my sofa - potential customers must come first over actual customers. I think I will start a book on when the sofa will actually arrive. (I will also be posting here when it does arrive, including details of the company I won't be buying from again. However, I won't be doing so before then, because antagonising the people before they deliver the sofa is sure to have it 'accidentally' fall into a wood-chipper and be delayed further).
Second, there is my ISP. I have paid for 2 years of broadband service up front. I got a really good deal on that service. I have also paid them a significant fee to move my service to my new flat. On Thursday, the light on my router started flashing, indicating that BT have connected the line for broadband, but my router won't connect like it should.
I emailed tech support asking about the situation. I got an automated reply, promising that an engineer would be in touch within 24 hours. I'm still waiting.
They also have a technical support phone line. Which is nice, except that it charges £1 per minute. Nonetheless, thinking I would need to phone to get immediate service (rather than sending an email that someone can just ignore), I phoned the number. There was an introductory recorded message, lasting just over a minute of course, explaining that this was a tech support line (duh!) and that some calls are recorded. Then I was told they were experiencing an "unusual volume of calls" and that I was being placed in a queue. Please hold!
Yeah, right. At £1 a minute?
Now, to be fair to them, my ISP did say it might be up to 3 weeks before the switch-over was complete. That does not expire until tomorrow. So, if they manage to sort out the problems before then, I'll not complain too much. However, I find myself wondering whether that is likely or not...
Then there's Sky.
Leaving aside for the moment the annoyance of having to sign a 12-month contract with them (when I'm on a 6-month lease), there's the issue that I'm paying a sum every month for service. In addition, there was a charge for moving the service to a new address. Once again, this has all been set up to prepay. And these charges are not unreasonable.
So, Sky arranged for an engineer to come and fit a new dish last Saturday. I waited by the phone all last Saturday. No sign. So, I called their help(!)line, and was told that an engineer had been at my flat at 9:33, and had tried to call my mobile phone.
Sadly, it is entirely possible that I was asleep at 9:33. It had been a late night, and I didn't set my alarm; nor did I note when I woke up. However, my phone had no missed calls. So, I enquired about this, and was given the number the engineer called. The number was wrong - it had an extra digit.
That's infuriating, but somewhat understandable. Although why the engineer didn't notice that my phone number was a freakish abomination with 12 digits rather than the 11 shared by all other phone numbers in the country, and why he didn't therefore try my home phone number (which Sky also have on record) is beyond me.
Oh, the woman on the help(!)line also said that if I hadn't heard anything by 9:30, I should have called them to enquire what was going on. Useful information when I called at 16:50!
Anyway, never mind. A new installation date was arranged, for this Saturday.
This time, I set my alarm. I made sure both mobile and home phones were beside me all day. (Oh, and I'd corrected their copy of my mobile number, too.)
I waitied.
I waited some more.
At 9:50, I called them. The guy on the help(!)line said he didn't know what was happening. He tried to call the engineer, without success. He assured me that the engineer was coming, and that I would be called with a time of arrival.
I waited.
I waited some more.
At 14:30, I called again. I explained the situation. A different guy on the help(!)line got in touch with the engineering department. He then informed me that the engineer had called in sick that morning, and that they had meant to call me.
It of course made me feel much better that they had intended to call me. I still don't have Sky, and their customer service sucks beyond all reason, but at least I have the warm fuzzy feeling that they meant to call me.
So, a new installation date has been arranged. Unsurprisingly, it's set for this Saturday, since I kind of have to go to work, so can't spend a whole day waiting for an engineer who might or might not show up. Never mind that that means wasting half of my weekend doing the same.
What gets me most in all of these cases is not so much the waiting. I'm a fairly patient person. If you say it will be three weeks (or even three months) for something, I'll wait. Or take my business elsewhere. No, it's that they haven't done the things that they said they would.
An engineer falling sick is not the company's fault. It's not the engineer's fault. It is literally "circumstances beyond our control". However, failing to tell me most definately is their fault, as is not having the right number the week before. Likewise, I can understand a delay in delivering a sofa of a few weeks. However, it is unacceptable to have it stuck at the wrong end of the country because you "can't find a van to transport it." If you were really determined, you could do it very quickly - I took about half an hour to find the van rental service I used to transport all my possessions up from Yeovil. (Of course, that costs money...) And don't promise you'll get back to someone "within 24 hours" if you have no reasonable expectation of doing so. We don't like being lied to.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Good show, bad DVD
I got the DVD of Sharpe's Challenge a week or so ago. It's a good show, improved by not having to try to watch it through the interference on a rather poor video tape.
Sadly, though, the producers of the DVD did a really bad job, in a number of areas:
1) The sound is in stereo. Now, I know this is acceptable, but it's not very good. Should have made use of the features of DVD, and given us surround sound.
2) The extras are rather poor. Again, proper use of the DVD format, I think.
However, neither of these is a huge gripe. I watch DVDs for the main feature, and that was good, except...
Sharpe's Challenge was originally broadcast in two parts, across two nights. This was because it was too long for one night. Fair enough. So, on the DVD, they have, of course, editted the two parts together into a coherent whole, right?
Wrong.
The two parts are presented on the DVD exactly as they were broadcast (minus adverts), including the "Next on Sharpe..."/"Previously on Sharpe..." montages! So, having just watched the first episode, we have a recap of the events of that episode! Madness.
Of course, that does allow them to put the layer change (which is often annoying) in a good place. Of course, they would insert it in between the two episodes, so you don't really notice it. Right?
Wrong. The layer change appears in the middle of the second part.
Some advice for the people responsible: next time, put someone competent in charge of producing your DVDs. Especially since you can expect to make more money from DVD sales than from any other vector, including the advertising revenues from the broadcasts.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Mop Jousting
The place where I live sounds a bit like the name of a place where some famous knights used to live. Consequently, I felt the need to do things that are a bit like things that knights would do. So, after a burst of singing "We're Knights of the Round Table", I got to work inventing a new sport: Mop Jousting!
To engage in mop jousting, you need the following things:
A life-size cardboard cut-out of Darth Vader, Britney Spears, or other intergalactic villain. Targets should be affixed to the head, heart, and other vulnerable areas.
Two half-coconut shells.
One other person (to act as squire).
One mop.
The goal is to have your squire use the coconut shells to provide a clip-clop sound while you barrel down the corridor toward the target with the mop, and strike it at force. Like in a joust. Additional points are awarded for appearing most chivalrous while performing this heroic deed.
Two variants have been suggested by interested parties since I invented the sport.
Leigh suggested that the best form of the sport would involve a wheelchair. Indeed, she went so far as to suggest some sort of fixed harness for the mop. Personally, I think she may have thought about this a bit too much.
Graham suggested dispensing with the cocnuts and the squire, and instead having a CD of coconut noises at different speeds. The CD should then be put on random, giving a more difficult version of the game. This also allows for solo mop jousting, which has to be a boon.
Now all I need to do is get some funding for my mop jousting league. My ultimate goal is to have mop jousting declared an Olympic sport for 2012.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
TV that teases you
I lost interest in the X-Files somewhere in the middle of the third season. It had a strong premise, and some interesting mysteries. However, it rapidly became apparent that either they weren't going to reveal the truth or, more likely, there was no actual truth, and the writers were just making it up as they went along.
Lost is going the same way. The third episode of the second season was on on Tuesday, and finally some of the characters were sat down in front of a film that would explain some things! Except that when they watched the film it revealed... nothing. The film provided absolutely no new information. In fact, all it said was "every 108 minutes, you must enter a code, or else!!!"
I'm losing interest in Lost. If it's supposed to be a mystery, then it's time to stop messing around and provide us with some new information. If it's not, why are you jerking us around like that?
The show has until the end of this season to provide me with some answers. If not, I'm done.
(And yes, I'm very angry at that episode. Adding a new layer to the mystery is fine, but it's long past time we got some new answers. I don't watch TV to be frustrated.)
Lost is going the same way. The third episode of the second season was on on Tuesday, and finally some of the characters were sat down in front of a film that would explain some things! Except that when they watched the film it revealed... nothing. The film provided absolutely no new information. In fact, all it said was "every 108 minutes, you must enter a code, or else!!!"
I'm losing interest in Lost. If it's supposed to be a mystery, then it's time to stop messing around and provide us with some new information. If it's not, why are you jerking us around like that?
The show has until the end of this season to provide me with some answers. If not, I'm done.
(And yes, I'm very angry at that episode. Adding a new layer to the mystery is fine, but it's long past time we got some new answers. I don't watch TV to be frustrated.)
Monday, May 08, 2006
The pared-down lifestyle
I have too much stuff. This became abundantly clear in the recent move from Yeovil - I had boxes and boxes of books that I didn't even bother to unpack while I was down there, and which I'm unlikely to read again. I have about 40 VHS tapes that I don't watch, which aren't good enough to replace with DVDs, but which I don't really want to just throw away...
And there's the issue. Like most people, I accumulate things at a far greater rate than I dispose of them. Throwing away a perfectly good book is a notion that is alien to me. (And, by 'throwing away', I don't necessarily mean binning. But giving away to charity, auctioning off at anything less than I paid for it, or whatever, the net result is the same - I no longer have the item in question, and have made a loss on it.)
Anyway, a sensible response to this is to cut back on getting new things. It's probably not necessary to buy another twenty t-shirts when I only wear about a third of the ones I already own.
Except, it doesn't work. Not only will people still give me new clothes (for Christmas, birthdays, or whatever), but there is an entirely valid case for continuing to buy new books (you want new things to read, and public libraries become less good once you've read all the big names in your chosen genres).
So, I've been giving some thought to the question of how to deal with this accumulation of stuff in a sensible, long-term way.
Now, ideally, I think I would switch to an entirely virtual wireless lifestyle. Clearly, the value of a DVD, CD or book doesn't lie with the shiny plastic or the pulped tree - it lies with the data enclosed within that wrapper. Therefore, you could in theory invest in a couple of Terabytes of hard-disk space, and store your entire DVD collection as a set of (big) files, your entire music collection as MP3s, and all your books in some eBook format. Then, add a tablet PC and iPod (wirelessly), and set up an 802.11a link to your 'DVD Player' device, and you have all the same functionality at a fraction of the space requirement. What's more, to get a new tune/movie/book, you just download it from the internet, and don't need to leave the house.
Sadly, the technology isn't there yet. eBook readers are a pain, and the books aren't available. Wireless networking is decidedly non-trivial. Internet bandwidth makes downloading movies impractical. And Terabytes of storage don't come cheap.
The virtual wireless lifestyle doesn't address one other issue, anyway, which is that some things really do have value in their physical form. These include your appliances and furniture, but is mostly concerned with clothes (can't do much about the others, except think of switching to composite devices, which generally suck).
Where clothes are concerned, I think a mindset needs to be developed that they are temporary investments, rather than something to buy and keep. So, once something wears out, it gets thrown away rather than repaired (this attitude wouldn't apply if the rate of acquisition was much lower). There are a certain number of sets of clothing a person actually needs anyway, and a certain number of 'back-up' outfits that they might reasonably use. So, the trick would seem to be to determine what those outfits are, and invest in complete sets of clothing to fill those points. Then, anything that is superfluous should be disposed of. Thereafter, when any new item of clothing is acquired, it should be a replacement for something in the wardrobe, which should therefore be discarded.
Case in point: I have nine 'regular' shirts and nine pairs of general use trousers to go with them. (Actually, my target for both of these is eight, but never mind.) Naturally, when a shirt wears out and needs replaced, I will go out and buy a new shirt. However, since I'll only buy a new shirt to replace one that's worn out, it makes sense to dispose of the worn-out shirt at the same time (that's hardly rocket-science, but it's astounding how many people fail to take that step).
The controversial part of the process comes about if I should be given some shirts for Christmas. At this point, we assume, I have eight regular shirts that aren't in line for replacement, plus some number of brand new shirts to add to the collection. This creates a problem, since it's quite alien to throw away a perfectly good shirt just to make room.
There is, however, a solution that mostly works. As we know, Christmas is at roughly the same time of the year each year. As, indeed, is a given person's birthday. Now, you can probably guess that you might get some number of shirts for one of both of these occasions. So, what to do is identify the two or three shirts that are closest to their end, and wear them heavily for the six weeks before Christmas (even better is if you've got some that need replaced - just delay). That way, you save wear on your better shirts, and have a couple that are almost ready to go when the gifts arrive. And if they don't, well, you would have had to replace them at some point anyway.
I'm currently in the process of sorting all this out. I'll be checking back in with some progress reports as I implement this pared down lifestyle...
And there's the issue. Like most people, I accumulate things at a far greater rate than I dispose of them. Throwing away a perfectly good book is a notion that is alien to me. (And, by 'throwing away', I don't necessarily mean binning. But giving away to charity, auctioning off at anything less than I paid for it, or whatever, the net result is the same - I no longer have the item in question, and have made a loss on it.)
Anyway, a sensible response to this is to cut back on getting new things. It's probably not necessary to buy another twenty t-shirts when I only wear about a third of the ones I already own.
Except, it doesn't work. Not only will people still give me new clothes (for Christmas, birthdays, or whatever), but there is an entirely valid case for continuing to buy new books (you want new things to read, and public libraries become less good once you've read all the big names in your chosen genres).
So, I've been giving some thought to the question of how to deal with this accumulation of stuff in a sensible, long-term way.
Now, ideally, I think I would switch to an entirely virtual wireless lifestyle. Clearly, the value of a DVD, CD or book doesn't lie with the shiny plastic or the pulped tree - it lies with the data enclosed within that wrapper. Therefore, you could in theory invest in a couple of Terabytes of hard-disk space, and store your entire DVD collection as a set of (big) files, your entire music collection as MP3s, and all your books in some eBook format. Then, add a tablet PC and iPod (wirelessly), and set up an 802.11a link to your 'DVD Player' device, and you have all the same functionality at a fraction of the space requirement. What's more, to get a new tune/movie/book, you just download it from the internet, and don't need to leave the house.
Sadly, the technology isn't there yet. eBook readers are a pain, and the books aren't available. Wireless networking is decidedly non-trivial. Internet bandwidth makes downloading movies impractical. And Terabytes of storage don't come cheap.
The virtual wireless lifestyle doesn't address one other issue, anyway, which is that some things really do have value in their physical form. These include your appliances and furniture, but is mostly concerned with clothes (can't do much about the others, except think of switching to composite devices, which generally suck).
Where clothes are concerned, I think a mindset needs to be developed that they are temporary investments, rather than something to buy and keep. So, once something wears out, it gets thrown away rather than repaired (this attitude wouldn't apply if the rate of acquisition was much lower). There are a certain number of sets of clothing a person actually needs anyway, and a certain number of 'back-up' outfits that they might reasonably use. So, the trick would seem to be to determine what those outfits are, and invest in complete sets of clothing to fill those points. Then, anything that is superfluous should be disposed of. Thereafter, when any new item of clothing is acquired, it should be a replacement for something in the wardrobe, which should therefore be discarded.
Case in point: I have nine 'regular' shirts and nine pairs of general use trousers to go with them. (Actually, my target for both of these is eight, but never mind.) Naturally, when a shirt wears out and needs replaced, I will go out and buy a new shirt. However, since I'll only buy a new shirt to replace one that's worn out, it makes sense to dispose of the worn-out shirt at the same time (that's hardly rocket-science, but it's astounding how many people fail to take that step).
The controversial part of the process comes about if I should be given some shirts for Christmas. At this point, we assume, I have eight regular shirts that aren't in line for replacement, plus some number of brand new shirts to add to the collection. This creates a problem, since it's quite alien to throw away a perfectly good shirt just to make room.
There is, however, a solution that mostly works. As we know, Christmas is at roughly the same time of the year each year. As, indeed, is a given person's birthday. Now, you can probably guess that you might get some number of shirts for one of both of these occasions. So, what to do is identify the two or three shirts that are closest to their end, and wear them heavily for the six weeks before Christmas (even better is if you've got some that need replaced - just delay). That way, you save wear on your better shirts, and have a couple that are almost ready to go when the gifts arrive. And if they don't, well, you would have had to replace them at some point anyway.
I'm currently in the process of sorting all this out. I'll be checking back in with some progress reports as I implement this pared down lifestyle...
I love the sound of muppets in the morning...
So, while walking back home from church yesterday morning, I foudn myself being approached by a trio of Celtic fans, newly disgorged from a bus. Having clearly had some amount of alcohol to drink, they proceeded to burst into song, deriving great enjoyment from pointing out that 'my' team were third in the SPL, and wouldn't be in the Champions League next year.
(Why do I think their songs were directed at me, you might ask. Well, there was the fact that they started singing only when they saw me, and their general posture, which did seem inclined in my general direction. Of course, I might be wrong.)
The only thing is, I'm not a Rangers supporter. I've never been to a game, and have an interest in the state of the league only in an academic sense (and because most of my colleagues do care, and it's wise to have some sort of knowledge of what people are talking about). So, I wasn't remotely hurt by their chanting that a team I don't support aren't in the top competition in football.
Why did they think I was a Rangers fan? Well, the jacket I wear happens to have blue and white stripes on the upper arms. So, essentially, I was being targetted for wearing the wrong colour. As I said, muppets.
Of course, that they reminded me of the Red Dwarf episode in which the Cat race have a holy war over whether the hats should be blue or red (they were supposed to be green). And that reminded me that I enjoyed that episode. So, really, it just cheered me up a bit.
(Why do I think their songs were directed at me, you might ask. Well, there was the fact that they started singing only when they saw me, and their general posture, which did seem inclined in my general direction. Of course, I might be wrong.)
The only thing is, I'm not a Rangers supporter. I've never been to a game, and have an interest in the state of the league only in an academic sense (and because most of my colleagues do care, and it's wise to have some sort of knowledge of what people are talking about). So, I wasn't remotely hurt by their chanting that a team I don't support aren't in the top competition in football.
Why did they think I was a Rangers fan? Well, the jacket I wear happens to have blue and white stripes on the upper arms. So, essentially, I was being targetted for wearing the wrong colour. As I said, muppets.
Of course, that they reminded me of the Red Dwarf episode in which the Cat race have a holy war over whether the hats should be blue or red (they were supposed to be green). And that reminded me that I enjoyed that episode. So, really, it just cheered me up a bit.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Re-enabling Comments
Ah, blogs are just more interesting when people can say what they think. I've switched comments back on. Enjoy!
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